Current mood:

Suicidal

It's not rocket surgery.
Msnbc.com has a recurring feature, "Ads of the Weird". This week's column discusses an Australian PSA which implies that men who speed are deficient in the sausage department. (I know, I know, a clever idea that no one ever thought of before!)

The comments are full of everyone's Personal Philosophy of Driving, which (like driving itself) turns wanky and obnoxious immediately:

Or maybe people just like to drive fast and it has nothing to do with being macho or manly. Driving fast doesn't mean you have to drive stupid, and I think it's just as likely that people driving BELOW the speed limit cause an equal number of accidents as SOBER drivers driving ABOVE the speed limit. If you don't like someone driving fast behind you, GET OUT OF THE WAY. Especially if you're in the left lane people c'mon, learn how to drive.

John B

Aaaaand they're off. After wading through a couple pages of this, it's enough to make me want to give up driving forever and dust off my trusty old bicycle, rather than chance sharing the road with some of these people.

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queencallipygos
2007-07-19 04:09 pm UTC (link)

Dear fellow drivers, I'm sorry that you're forced to keep inches behind me, no matter how fast you'd like to go....

Presenting: another true story from the life of

queencallipygos.

I was driving on a road in California -- a two-lane highway somewhere around Fresno -- and was going kind of slow. There was traffic in both lanes. After a while, I spotted something in the rearview mirror -- two women, in a convertible, angrily tailgating me and waving and mouthing at me angrily to "move out of the fuckin' way!"

So, I pulled over to let them get ahead of me -- and so then they ended up stuck behind the pickup truck full of chickens that was the whole reason I was even going slow in the first place.

I happily pulled back into the line of traffic further behind them, imagining them in their little convertible getting big mouthfuls o' feathers.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	smo 2007-07-19 06:07 pm UTC (link)
	claps with glee Automobile justice at its finest. - A fellow Cali driver (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	queencallipygos 2007-07-19 06:15 pm UTC (link)
	I don't drive much anyway (New Yorker); and I've always tried to arrange it so the best revenge I can have on someone is to get out of the way and let them go ahead and hang themselves. I call it the Judo Revenge Style. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	smo 2007-07-19 06:34 pm UTC (link)
	You know people like that are eventually going to get pulled over by the cops anyway; they make their own bad karma. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	perletwo 2007-07-20 02:32 am UTC (link)
	Our family's saying is "In a hurry to get to their accident" for drivers like that. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	smo 2007-07-20 02:49 am UTC (link)
	Heh. Your family drops mad science. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	jat_sapphire 2007-07-20 03:08 am UTC (link)
	I think you should write an anthology. I'd preorder THAT (why yes, since you ask, I am a little tired of the HP HAVEYOUPREORDEREDYETDOYOUWANT40%OFFHAVEYOUUSEDYOURPREORDERCOUPONAREYOUCOMINGTOTHEBOOKSTOREPARTY frenzy in my inbox. Lay off, Borders and B&N, you'll sell plenty of them!). (Reply to this)(Parent)

	aerobot 2007-07-26 12:57 pm UTC (link)
	Ahahaha, the same thing happened to me. Except I was behind a cattle truck, and stuff was LEAKING out the back, which explained why I was like HOLY FUCK STAY AWAY! Stupid 4x4 overtook me and got the stuff right on the windshield. Sucker. (Reply to this)(Parent)

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