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Recipe

black_spot
2007-12-05 09:35 pm UTC (link)

Take two slices of bread and lay them flat – squishing them is not good. You don’t want to upset them as they will be feeding you.

Take cream and whip until it turns into butter – only whip the way it really works for you and your kinks. If drunk take some cheap butter out of the fridge – it will do exactly what it says on the packet.

Spread butter on the waiting prone slice of bread. Make your knife linger in the corners and caress the surface. Remember you want them to be yours.

Top one slice (this is important to make sure they know who’s boss) with the filling of your choice.

Carefully place the other, now buttered and gasping, slice on top. Be very careful not to squish too hard and let the filling escape. Gently use those fingers to push any oozing bits backs.

Take a sharp knife and inflict a cut diagonally (or straight if that takes your fancy) through all layers. Make sure you follow all the way through – they will thank you later.

Bite carefully, catching crumbs with your tongue. Lick lips and pat stomach.

You’ve just made a sarnie.

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	Re: Recipe caffeine_fairy 2007-12-06 12:44 pm UTC (link)
	Here, have an internet. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: Recipe napalmnacey 2007-12-08 10:36 am UTC (link)
	Dude. Rachel Ray had an episode devoted to cooking eggs. Like, making scrambled eggs. Of course, she put half a pound of butter in with it. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	vzg 2007-12-06 02:13 am UTC (link)
	This wank is making me so hungry. :[ All I've got here are hotdogs, Campbell's soup, some chips and salsa, noodles, and s'mores ingredients, though. And maybe some old cereal. I can't wait to go home and have real food again. (Damn e. coli meat!) (Reply to this)(Thread)

	julesnoctambule 2007-12-06 02:49 am UTC (link)
	All I've got here are hotdogs, Campbell's soup, some chips and salsa, noodles, and s'mores ingredients, though. And maybe some old cereal Iron Chef: Broke Student Edition! (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	vzg 2007-12-06 03:03 am UTC (link)
	I'd watch it. It'd help me figure out what to do with the garlic powder I thought was garlic salt. :/ "Today's ingredient... last week's pizza!" Aw, who'm I kidding? Pizza goes like that. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	julesnoctambule 2007-12-06 04:44 am UTC (link)
	. . .unless it gets put under the sofa by mistake. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	vzg 2007-12-06 08:32 am UTC (link)
	True. But I really don't think there could be a pizza here that would even make it five feet away from the box before being devoured. ...Or maybe that's just me. I hadn't had pizza in a while. I STILL FEEL GUILTY. (Reply to this)(Parent)

queencallipygos
2007-12-06 08:00 pm UTC (link)

Iron Chef: Broke Student Edition!

Oh, God, I'd watch that.

(Actually, some friends and I came up with a show idea called "Ninja Chef," where the chef stakes out your house for a couple weeks, watching your daily how-long-you-leave-the-house-for routine, and then without warning, one day while you're out, they break in and prepare an entire meal, using only whatever happens to be in your fridge and whatever tools you happen to have -- they can't bring anything in, they can't bring their own knife set, it's all what you have. They have to be finished and get out by the time you get home.)

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	julesnoctambule 2007-12-06 11:11 pm UTC (link)
	I would watch that in a heartbeat. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	beckyh2112 2007-12-06 11:29 pm UTC (link)
	... See, this? This would be totally awesome to have on the ~~Torturously Yummy Porn Not Involving People~~ Food Channel. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	platedlizard 2007-12-07 03:52 am UTC (link)
	They could stalk you through the grocery store in order to get clues at to what you eat and bring home, bug your car to see what drive-throughs you frequent. It would be so cool. I'd really like to see what they would make of my freezer, what with the cute, furry snake-food stored within. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	wakkymse 2007-12-07 10:19 pm UTC (link)
	It's like Doorknock Dinners, but with more stalking and less Gordon Elliot. I like it. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	queencallipygos 2007-12-07 10:41 pm UTC (link)
	I think the tools is a key part, too -- because the house could have all the ingredients for a great pear tart, and the chef is all excited because that's just a matter of mixing up a pie crus and then laying in the sliced peeled pears -- only there are no knives, and so he's got to waste time frantically trying to slice and peel pears with a spoon or something. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	prettyveela 2007-12-06 11:45 pm UTC (link)
	I'M HUNGRY SHIT. :0((( (Reply to this)(Thread)

	llama_treats 2007-12-07 02:09 am UTC (link)
	HA HA! /Nelson (Reply to this)(Parent)

	napalmnacey 2007-12-08 10:34 am UTC (link)
	I didn't know whipping cream was that difficult. :T Creaming butter though, fuck, I hate it. (Reply to this)

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