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this is not the hamster you're looking for (flightstothesea) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2007-12-30 17:41:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood:Impish
Entry tags:feminism: you're doing it wrong

comment is free! and so is stupidity!
Tanya Gold writes a piece for the Guardian's Comment is Free section. It begins with this headline: Men want us lobotomised.

Oh, goody. The article is about her experience with a speed-dating night, in which she pretended to be a human rights lawyer, an economist, and a vapid florist, among other things. Shockingly, the men preferred the giggly florist to the woman who told them not to wear leather shoes, and so Tanya concludes with this: Everything my mother has ever told me about men is true.

Predictably, the comments are full of indignation, "Deleted by Moderator," assertions that her 'experiment' is not very scientific, and people pointing out that a speed-dating night at a pub is not likely to bring out the best and brightest in humanity, particularly if your opening salvo is, "I'm reading Heidegger." There are some funny bits, however (and not just the fictional cats named Roe and Wade).

AllyF: But then when they say 'You're late, again! Why are you always late?' you can bring in Heidegger.

'Because you are thinking in three-dimensional time, when time incorporates being and is in fact four dimensional.'

Then you sleep on the sofa.

Oh and...

'Well darling, technically since the bathroom door is currently shut, I'd like to referenence Schrodinger and suggest that toilet seat is in fact currently in a state of both upness and downness simultaneously.'

Then sleep on the sofa for a week.


Bonus lolz: someone asking if this Tanya Gold is the same one who wrote this article for the Daily Mail in which she asks Santa to "Please send me a plutocrat with a kind heart for Christmas.... So I can come here every year."



(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]rosehiptea
2007-12-31 01:13 am UTC (link)
At first I thought the whole thing was a joke, but the last paragraph sounds really bitter.

Like every single woman, I walk through life asking: what do men want?

I'm pretty sure this is a joke though. I mean, I'm single and not even all that happy about it but I walk through life asking and "Does this 7-11 sell Milk Duds" and "Can I reconcile my views on disability rights with working in a group home" and "Will I ever finish Silent Hill 3?" and... stuff like that.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]isntitironic
2007-12-31 01:35 am UTC (link)
Hmm... questions I have asked the universe today include:

What is the best way to grip the cat so as not to be maimed as I try to clip her claws?
Why doesn't a single bookstore in this city have a copy of 'Venus in Copper'?
Am I seriously expected to get along with the gothy bimbo who's dating my ex?
What will physicists do if LIGO never manages to detect gravity waves?


and

Who keeps throwing out my tupperware?

I don't think 'What do men want?' even shows up once a month, never mind as a constant.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]hallidae
2007-12-31 01:38 am UTC (link)
According to Dirty Jobs, you have to lean on the cat a little bit from behind so that you're out of reach of both claws and teeth.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]isntitironic, 2007-12-31 01:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2007-12-31 01:56 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]emiweebee, 2007-12-31 04:03 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]platedlizard, 2007-12-31 04:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]alya1989262, 2007-12-31 10:44 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]stromatolite, 2008-01-03 05:25 am UTC

[info]pantyless_angel
2007-12-31 02:05 am UTC (link)
What is the best way to grip the cat so as not to be maimed as I try to clip her claws?
For me it depends on the cat.

Tonnberry: Have two people hold her, and pray she wont escape. She'll want revenge so be ready to run right after you've finished.

Cadbury: Wait till he's asleep. He'll never notice.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]ianthefira
2007-12-31 03:45 am UTC (link)
For the one cat who needs trimming, it takes two people to hold him and one to clip. Yes, really.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]demonbean
2007-12-31 04:39 am UTC (link)
With my aunt's cat, there was nothing for it but to wrap her in a towel and get one paw sticking out. Sort of like handling an angry, snarling pillow with one set of claws.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]gloria_mundi
2007-12-31 07:11 am UTC (link)
With mom's cat? Take her to the local PetsMart, pay 12 bucks, and help them hold her down as she tries to take off everyone's face and hands.

That cat does not like to be handled.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]lyppy
2008-01-01 06:21 pm UTC (link)
I papoose my cat in a blanket and then slowly take her paws out from the cocoon to clip the claws. It seems to minimize the pain.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]bobgenghiskhan
2008-01-03 08:36 pm UTC (link)
If you can get an assistant, have him/her hold onto the cat's scruff while you clip. Turned my whirling, screeching ball of claws into a limp rag.

Figuratively.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]oddplaces
2008-01-05 05:28 am UTC (link)
I've always had good luck with "have assistant stand and hold the cat against his/her chest horizontally, so the feet are pointing downward. Clip claws." Being held in a "normal" position (the holder can put a hand under one hind leg if the cat feels happier with support, and switch) keeps kitty from struggling, and also means the human doesn't have to contort like a circus acrobat to keep a grip on the cat -- one hand in the scruff, if necessary, usually suffices. I just duck under (or kneel, if the assister is tall enough) and clip and we're done. :D

(I work in a grooming salon, so I do this fairly often.)

(Reply to this)(Parent)


flightstothesea
2007-12-31 02:06 am UTC (link)
"Can I get away with eating this Chinese food that I left on the counter instead of the fridge?"

"What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]lil_miss_stfu
2007-12-31 02:08 am UTC (link)
African or European?

The swallow that is. I'm guessing Chinese food is... Chinese.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]photosinensis
2007-12-31 02:26 am UTC (link)
1. No. Throw that shit away before it becomes a biohazard.

2. For an European swallow, air speed velocity is 11 m/s. I actually looked this up. I could not find data on African swallows, as they are not as well studied. However, this was a few years ago, and someone might have done a study since then.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]isntitironic, 2007-12-31 03:16 am UTC

[info]rosehiptea
2007-12-31 02:30 am UTC (link)
"Can I get away with eating this Chinese food that I left on the counter instead of the fridge?"

Probably not, and you don't want to be wrong on this one. Take it from me.

"What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

An African or European swallow?

See, now you're free to ask what men want after all!

Probably Chinese food.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - flightstothesea, 2007-12-31 02:37 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2007-12-31 04:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]amxjm, 2007-12-31 08:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]tez, 2007-12-31 09:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cmdr_zoom, 2007-12-31 08:48 pm UTC

[info]lady_red
2007-12-31 03:18 am UTC (link)
There is actually an LJ comm for asking about if food is safe to eat. But I can't recall the name. Dammit.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]feuillu, 2007-12-31 03:21 am UTC
(no subject) - flightstothesea, 2007-12-31 03:29 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2007-12-31 04:50 am UTC
(no subject) - flightstothesea, 2007-12-31 04:53 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rosehiptea, 2007-12-31 06:01 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2007-12-31 07:22 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mistressrenet, 2008-01-01 03:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]shinga, 2007-12-31 08:08 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mary_mac, 2007-12-31 11:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sizer, 2007-12-31 04:13 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]exdee, 2007-12-31 09:14 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]grapefruitzzz, 2008-01-01 10:17 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]chibikaijuu, 2008-01-01 10:40 pm UTC

[info]harrylovesron
2007-12-31 02:35 am UTC (link)
"Who should be on top in this porn fic?"
"Leftover pork chop or mettwurst for dinner?"
"Should I wear the Spider-Man or the Mario t-shirt today?"
"Why will the laundry not do itself?"

Mmm, nope, nothing about What Men Want. And I HAVE a boyfriend. :x

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]napalmnacey
2007-12-31 03:48 am UTC (link)
I'm with you on that one. Except my questions are "Will they ever make breastfeeding possible on the Sims?" and "Why can't I get Painter X to work for me, #$*#$&#$#* damn it!?"

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]_dinsdale, 2007-12-31 04:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]napalmnacey, 2007-12-31 06:54 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]radiotrash, 2008-01-01 05:30 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]napalmnacey, 2008-01-01 05:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]radiotrash, 2008-01-01 07:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mockaholic, 2008-01-01 11:32 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rosehiptea, 2007-12-31 05:56 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]napalmnacey, 2007-12-31 06:55 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]yubsie, 2008-01-02 01:55 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]napalmnacey, 2008-01-02 06:53 am UTC

[info]queencallipygos
2007-12-31 06:14 am UTC (link)
Like every single woman, I walk through life asking: what do men want?

Pfffft. When I was single, the closest to this that I got was "Where are the men who'd want me?" Asking what men want means you'll change to give it to them, and frankly, fuck that.

...I'll get a mop. Sorry.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]chaimonkey
2007-12-31 07:10 am UTC (link)
Questions of the Day:

Will this Insta-Mac kill me since it expired in 2002?
How the fuck do I beat this monster? (yay Pikmin)
What time do I set the alarm clock for?
What do I want in my omelet?
Should I bother making the bed?
Why hasn't anyone called me today? (answer: my phone is a bitch)
If I try watching The Simpsons Movie again, will I fall asleep (again)?


It was a very lazy day.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]negativecosine, 2007-12-31 09:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]chibikaijuu, 2008-01-01 10:42 pm UTC

[info]dez_chan
2007-12-31 07:14 am UTC (link)
Like every single woman, I walk through life asking: what do men want?

Do they really need to ask that question? The answer I've gotten (and it's a very unscientific study and skewed sample) is something like, "Someone I want to fuck and someone who'll laugh at the same shit I do and put up with me." Amazingly, this is the same thing I want. Convenient, that.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - tree, 2008-01-01 04:02 pm UTC

[info]tangentialone
2007-12-31 09:40 am UTC (link)
Besides, won't someone please think of the lesbians?

:'(

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]tofuknight, 2008-01-01 04:51 pm UTC

[info]big_bad_wolf
2008-01-01 04:59 pm UTC (link)
Questions I have asked the universe today:

Where the hell is everyone?
Why is the DVD drive on my computer not working today when it was working yesterday?
How long do I have to boil this for before it's edible?
WHY IS CILLIAN MURPHY SO PRETTY?
Is having leftover champagne for breakfast decadent or merely laziness?

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]chibikaijuu, 2008-01-01 10:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]big_bad_wolf, 2008-01-01 10:48 pm UTC

redwarrior
2008-01-03 08:19 pm UTC (link)
Questions that I have asked in life:

Why is English so fucked up?
Where did my other sock go to after I put it in the dryer?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Why does everyone in a shounen anime call their attacks? I mean, wouldn't their enemies have an advantage knowing what their attack was before they threw it at them?


After more pondering, I've discovered the answer to at least the second and third ones: 42.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]pipssister
2008-01-04 05:10 pm UTC (link)
The closest I've gotten lately to what do men want is, "What the fuck is wrong with Joe Quesada?"

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rosehiptea, 2008-01-04 05:35 pm UTC

[info]amymccabe
2008-01-06 02:35 pm UTC (link)
Can I can't my husband's flu even though it's been 2 weeks since he had it?
Why is my cat waking me up before 8 on a Sunday?
Why does my hair have an odd texture this morning?
What am I going to do today?


And I'm a married woman. I do, however, sometimes ask myself what would make him happy, usually around Christmas, his birthday, and our anniversary.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


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