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this is not the hamster you're looking for (flightstothesea) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2007-12-30 17:41:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current mood:Impish
Entry tags:feminism: you're doing it wrong

comment is free! and so is stupidity!
Tanya Gold writes a piece for the Guardian's Comment is Free section. It begins with this headline: Men want us lobotomised.

Oh, goody. The article is about her experience with a speed-dating night, in which she pretended to be a human rights lawyer, an economist, and a vapid florist, among other things. Shockingly, the men preferred the giggly florist to the woman who told them not to wear leather shoes, and so Tanya concludes with this: Everything my mother has ever told me about men is true.

Predictably, the comments are full of indignation, "Deleted by Moderator," assertions that her 'experiment' is not very scientific, and people pointing out that a speed-dating night at a pub is not likely to bring out the best and brightest in humanity, particularly if your opening salvo is, "I'm reading Heidegger." There are some funny bits, however (and not just the fictional cats named Roe and Wade).

AllyF: But then when they say 'You're late, again! Why are you always late?' you can bring in Heidegger.

'Because you are thinking in three-dimensional time, when time incorporates being and is in fact four dimensional.'

Then you sleep on the sofa.

Oh and...

'Well darling, technically since the bathroom door is currently shut, I'd like to referenence Schrodinger and suggest that toilet seat is in fact currently in a state of both upness and downness simultaneously.'

Then sleep on the sofa for a week.


Bonus lolz: someone asking if this Tanya Gold is the same one who wrote this article for the Daily Mail in which she asks Santa to "Please send me a plutocrat with a kind heart for Christmas.... So I can come here every year."



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[info]isntitironic
2007-12-31 01:35 am UTC (link)
Hmm... questions I have asked the universe today include:

What is the best way to grip the cat so as not to be maimed as I try to clip her claws?
Why doesn't a single bookstore in this city have a copy of 'Venus in Copper'?
Am I seriously expected to get along with the gothy bimbo who's dating my ex?
What will physicists do if LIGO never manages to detect gravity waves?


and

Who keeps throwing out my tupperware?

I don't think 'What do men want?' even shows up once a month, never mind as a constant.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]hallidae
2007-12-31 01:38 am UTC (link)
According to Dirty Jobs, you have to lean on the cat a little bit from behind so that you're out of reach of both claws and teeth.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]isntitironic
2007-12-31 01:41 am UTC (link)
Is there a diagram?

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]hallidae
2007-12-31 01:56 am UTC (link)
Sadly, I'm not finding video of the episode.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]emiweebee
2007-12-31 04:03 am UTC (link)
I saw that episode! I think...okay. So. You...take your cat. You put your cat on a flat surface. Ideally, you'll get the cat to crouch, or lie down. Good luck with that.

Then. Okay...um, stand on the left of the cat. Put your right arm over the cat's back, behind the neck. And grab the left forepaw and sort of...pull it upwards, so the cat's elbow is on the table but its paw is about catface height. Then clip!

That's vaguely how they did it. I managed moderate success attempting to emulate it. Fuss about with the kitty (and we all know how they love that) and see if you can't figure it out.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]platedlizard
2007-12-31 04:48 am UTC (link)
I think...okay. So. You...take your cat. You put your cat on a flat surface. Ideally, you'll get the cat to crouch, or lie down. Good luck with that.

Get a friend, and towel, and a cat-sized e-collar. (a "lamp-shade", you can get them at a decent pet store or vet) Towel the cat, then you or your friend put the e-collar on. Take towel off. Usually the cat will go limp and let you do whatever you want to do to them because they are so weirded out by the e-collar. Then clip the nails.

If you are good at getting the collar on, you might not need either towel or friend. Every single professional groomer I know who does cats uses e-collars on them for everything.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]alya1989262
2007-12-31 10:44 pm UTC (link)
There's an eHow article for everything, it seems.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]stromatolite
2008-01-03 05:25 am UTC (link)
Is one really meant to flour cuts?

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]pantyless_angel
2007-12-31 02:05 am UTC (link)
What is the best way to grip the cat so as not to be maimed as I try to clip her claws?
For me it depends on the cat.

Tonnberry: Have two people hold her, and pray she wont escape. She'll want revenge so be ready to run right after you've finished.

Cadbury: Wait till he's asleep. He'll never notice.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]ianthefira
2007-12-31 03:45 am UTC (link)
For the one cat who needs trimming, it takes two people to hold him and one to clip. Yes, really.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]demonbean
2007-12-31 04:39 am UTC (link)
With my aunt's cat, there was nothing for it but to wrap her in a towel and get one paw sticking out. Sort of like handling an angry, snarling pillow with one set of claws.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]gloria_mundi
2007-12-31 07:11 am UTC (link)
With mom's cat? Take her to the local PetsMart, pay 12 bucks, and help them hold her down as she tries to take off everyone's face and hands.

That cat does not like to be handled.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]lyppy
2008-01-01 06:21 pm UTC (link)
I papoose my cat in a blanket and then slowly take her paws out from the cocoon to clip the claws. It seems to minimize the pain.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]bobgenghiskhan
2008-01-03 08:36 pm UTC (link)
If you can get an assistant, have him/her hold onto the cat's scruff while you clip. Turned my whirling, screeching ball of claws into a limp rag.

Figuratively.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]oddplaces
2008-01-05 05:28 am UTC (link)
I've always had good luck with "have assistant stand and hold the cat against his/her chest horizontally, so the feet are pointing downward. Clip claws." Being held in a "normal" position (the holder can put a hand under one hind leg if the cat feels happier with support, and switch) keeps kitty from struggling, and also means the human doesn't have to contort like a circus acrobat to keep a grip on the cat -- one hand in the scruff, if necessary, usually suffices. I just duck under (or kneel, if the assister is tall enough) and clip and we're done. :D

(I work in a grooming salon, so I do this fairly often.)

(Reply to this)(Parent)


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