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Miss Murchison ([info]missm) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2008-02-05 17:40:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Pigeons: noble species or flying wizards of Satan?
I bring this courtesy of the same friend who provided the pie wank. This one isn't really wank, but I don't think there's an OTF_snark comm, and it's too funny not to post.

A story is posted in the Surrey Comet about Kingston's intention of having marksmen cull the pigeon population. Almost immediately, the discussion in the comments becomes hyperbolic:

Pigeons carry all manner of diseases like AIDS, malaria, rabies and mad cow disease to name but a few. They are also very aggressive and I can vouch for this as I was attacked by a flock and pecked severely while on my way home from flower arranging classes. In fact I would be more than happy to help in the killing of these evil creatures.


The next comment declares them "flying wizards of Satan" and the discussion really takes off:

I myself was raised by pigeons after being abandoned in Trafalgar Square as a young nipper. Therefore I know how noble and generous a species they really are.

I know what you mean, reader. I was raised by yaks but I'm sure the experience was similar. How about a council worker cull instead.


My elder sister was held captive for nine days by a flock of rock pigeons on a small island near Malta in 1979 - it may have been Gozo but I'm not too sure. (Sorry about that.) As you might gather she suffers from nightmares and flashbacks but she has also developed a loathing of millet seeds for some strange reason. She is in full support of the cull and, in actual fact, she has already applied for the job and fully intends to carry out her duties as soon as possible - whether she gets the job or not. Be careful around town folks - she's not a good shot.


Posted by: yeltsin Dont worry. we have ways of dealing with pigeons who have defecated from the KGB. we have booked with BA already.

There are too many gems in the comments to quote them all.  There is a feeble attempt at wank by one or two posters apparently serious about the issue, but it is quickly drowned out by lists of imaginative ways to cull pigeons, Mrs. Dallinger's OT efforts to understand her new email account, and Monty Python references. Oh, and the squirrel population weighs in.



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[info]soupspooks
2008-02-06 01:11 am UTC (link)
and Monty Python references

African or European?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]missm, 2008-02-06 01:14 am UTC

[info]gynocrat
2008-02-06 01:26 am UTC (link)
pigeons who have defecated from the KGB.

0___o

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]blue_penguin, 2008-02-06 01:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]tehrin, 2008-02-06 01:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]delcj, 2008-02-06 02:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]missm, 2008-02-06 02:21 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]stromatolite, 2008-02-06 05:02 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]dragonfangirl, 2008-02-06 04:02 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sharps, 2008-02-06 06:47 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mmanurere, 2008-02-06 07:38 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]gynocrat, 2008-02-07 04:00 pm UTC

[info]sheep
2008-02-06 01:27 am UTC (link)
Pigeons carry all manner of diseases like AIDS, malaria, rabies and mad cow disease to name but a few.

...?!

They are also very aggressive and I can vouch for this as I was attacked by a flock and pecked severely while on my way home from flower arranging classes.</i>

WTF?! Did you roll around in bread crumbs before you left your class?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]soupspooks, 2008-02-06 01:31 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]anarchicq, 2008-02-06 03:18 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]nekoneko, 2008-02-06 03:21 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kahrohseh, 2008-02-06 04:39 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]napalmnacey, 2008-02-06 05:37 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2008-02-06 03:08 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]platedlizard, 2008-02-08 06:37 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]snarkhunter, 2008-02-09 07:22 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]metallicar67, 2008-02-15 08:54 am UTC

[info]frequentmouse
2008-02-06 01:33 am UTC (link)
[meaningless stream of pigeon consciousness]
I had a pigeon land on my head once.

It was disturbing.

Squirrels, however, are much worse. Also starlings.

[/meaningless stream of pigeon consciousness]

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]anarchicq, 2008-02-06 03:20 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]also_not_a_pipe, 2008-02-06 04:03 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]panthea, 2008-02-06 04:40 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sidewinder, 2008-02-06 05:05 am UTC
(no subject) - tree, 2008-02-06 08:03 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]magic_lilybean, 2008-02-06 03:58 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]chibikaijuu, 2008-02-07 01:44 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bubosquared, 2008-02-09 06:36 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]chibikaijuu, 2008-02-09 07:35 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bubosquared, 2008-02-11 10:55 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2008-02-06 05:19 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]frequentmouse, 2008-02-06 07:30 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2008-02-06 07:37 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]maev_connacht, 2008-02-06 03:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]magic_lilybean, 2008-02-06 03:55 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]waitwut, 2008-02-06 06:32 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]agent_hyatt, 2008-02-06 05:26 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]doomsday, 2008-02-06 06:10 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sharps, 2008-02-06 06:49 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]pariforma, 2008-02-06 08:44 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]heddychaa, 2008-02-07 01:18 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]betsythemuffin, 2008-02-07 04:10 am UTC
OH HAI, I UPGRADED UR TORCHWUDZ - [info]chibikaijuu, 2008-02-09 06:51 am UTC
Re: OH HAI, I UPGRADED UR TORCHWUDZ - [info]betsythemuffin, 2008-02-09 06:57 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kelmendi, 2008-02-08 03:13 am UTC
(no subject) - flightstothesea, 2008-02-11 11:27 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]coyotegirl, 2008-02-07 06:49 am UTC

[info]keleri
2008-02-06 01:41 am UTC (link)
PIGEONS CARRY AIDS

needs to be some kind of a macro.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]tehrin, 2008-02-06 01:59 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]xero_sky, 2008-02-06 02:06 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cow_mouse, 2008-02-06 04:53 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ayezur, 2008-02-06 05:20 am UTC
BREAKING SCIENTIFIC NEWS - [info]cow_mouse, 2008-02-06 05:28 am UTC
Re: BREAKING SCIENTIFIC NEWS - [info]ayezur, 2008-02-06 03:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]danceswithelvis, 2008-02-06 07:36 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]vzg, 2008-02-07 03:40 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]platedlizard, 2008-02-08 06:40 am UTC

[info]vengeance_bean
2008-02-06 01:42 am UTC (link)
I met this pigeon once who had only one toe on each foot. I felt so bad for him that I dropped a huge piece of bread in his path. The other pigeons started flying in and my toeless pigeon friend turned around and soundly kicked all of their asses.

This is the proper place to post our pigeon stories, right?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]tofuknight, 2008-02-06 01:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]isntitironic, 2008-02-06 02:29 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]nekoneko, 2008-02-06 02:31 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]isntitironic, 2008-02-06 02:33 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]shaysdays, 2008-02-06 03:43 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kahrohseh, 2008-02-06 04:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rosehiptea, 2008-02-06 05:53 am UTC
(*channels Tom Lehrer*)
[info]ianthefira
2008-02-06 01:42 am UTC (link)
All the world seems in tune, on a spring afternoon, when we're poisoning pigeons in the park~ o/'

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: (*channels Tom Lehrer*) - [info]missm, 2008-02-06 01:45 am UTC
Re: (*channels Tom Lehrer*) - [info]rosehiptea, 2008-02-06 05:52 am UTC
Re: (*channels Tom Lehrer*) - [info]caffeine_fairy, 2008-02-06 01:41 pm UTC
Re: (*channels Tom Lehrer*) - [info]brennalarose, 2008-02-06 03:10 pm UTC
Re: (*channels Tom Lehrer*) - [info]dragonfangirl, 2008-02-06 04:05 pm UTC

[info]tehrin
2008-02-06 01:55 am UTC (link)
"We are also working on removing their food and stopping those who foolishly feed the pigeons."

They'll never stop that old lady from Mary Poppins. She's a biter!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vzg, 2008-02-07 03:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]catremistrae, 2008-02-09 09:02 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]vzg, 2008-02-10 02:46 am UTC

[info]spacelogic
2008-02-06 02:00 am UTC (link)
I just read nearly all of that thread out loud to my younger siblings. Is funny stuff allowed again or something?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]cyn, 2008-02-07 03:21 am UTC

[info]capsulekei
2008-02-06 02:01 am UTC (link)
It is freaking me out that the article at the centre of this is about Kingston, where I'm currently living as an exchange student.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vroom, 2008-02-07 04:52 pm UTC

[info]miraba
2008-02-06 02:33 am UTC (link)
I got as far as "Pigeons carry all manner of diseases like AIDS" before screaming out loud.

(Reply to this)

I Have Nothing To Say - I Just Wanted To Post This
[info]lady_red
2008-02-06 02:46 am UTC (link)
pigeons

(Reply to this)


[info]also_not_a_pipe
2008-02-06 04:22 am UTC (link)
Oh, Britain. How come you gotta hog all the clever crazy people who comment about local news on the Internet? Can I trade you the person who commented to an article on my town paper's website suggesting we move the bus station to the airport for some of yours?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]papervolcano, 2008-02-06 05:39 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sharps, 2008-02-06 06:52 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]papervolcano, 2008-02-06 07:27 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]also_not_a_pipe, 2008-02-06 08:46 pm UTC

[info]nekoama
2008-02-06 04:42 am UTC (link)
OMG, I needed that laughed before bed.
But seriously, pigeons suck.

(Reply to this)


[info]eisoj5
2008-02-06 04:44 am UTC (link)
George: We had a deal!

(Reply to this)

(Deleted post)
(no subject) - [info]tehrin, 2008-02-06 06:56 am UTC

redwarrior
2008-02-06 04:59 am UTC (link)
Wow. Now that is pigeonbatshit.

(Reply to this)


[info]cow_mouse
2008-02-06 05:10 am UTC (link)
Little do the citizens of Kingston know, the remaining pigeons will seek their revenge. >:)

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2008-02-06 03:12 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]capsulekei, 2008-02-06 03:46 pm UTC
(no subject) - flightstothesea, 2008-02-11 11:29 pm UTC

iwanttobeasleep
2008-02-06 05:50 am UTC (link)
What a lot of fuss over nothing. Everyone knows pigeons can't be killed, they are immortal and immune to bullets. Where I come from we worship the pigeon deity and never look them in the eye as this can turn a man to stone. I can only warn the gunman chappy that if he should lift a finger against but one bird he will incur their never ending wrath and more than likely burn in **** for his actions.

So, poll. That "****" can either mean "Hell" or "Shit". Which is more likely? I'm going with shit, given they're pigeons, but then why is it on fire?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]catslash, 2008-02-07 12:55 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]platedlizard, 2008-02-08 06:47 am UTC

[info]rosehiptea
2008-02-06 05:59 am UTC (link)
I was raised by yaks but I'm sure the experience was similar.

I read that as "raised by yanks" and was amused. Then again "yaks" is pretty good too.

(Reply to this)


[info]napalmnacey
2008-02-06 06:00 am UTC (link)
Hahahaha, beautiful! I've rarely encountered pigeons. We have doves instead - far less fat and far more flighty. Harmless things, really. Our super-friendly birds are magpies. And seagulls. Seagulls make pigeons look like a bunch of pussies. I had one rip the burger from my hands, the little fuck.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]hyaenid, 2008-02-06 06:09 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]napalmnacey, 2008-02-06 06:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sharps, 2008-02-06 06:54 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]stromatolite, 2008-02-06 10:09 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sequinedlizard, 2008-02-07 01:47 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]napalmnacey, 2008-02-07 05:39 am UTC

[info]velvet_mace
2008-02-06 06:30 am UTC (link)
Pigeons carry all manner of diseases like AIDS

One more reason not to have sex with pigeons I tell ya. Thank goodness cocks and tits are still safe.

reposted for massive html fail

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]isntitironic, 2008-02-06 07:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]soupspooks, 2008-02-06 04:03 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]magic_lilybean, 2008-02-06 04:12 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]soupspooks, 2008-02-06 07:02 pm UTC

[info]demonbean
2008-02-06 07:01 am UTC (link)
Zis ist einer zerious. Az spooken before ze peegin ov ze Britisher schwinehund Tommy Army vas a klein thornenhausen in mein schide in za var! You Britisher pig dogs do not know how to treet your glorious heroes! Ach it makes ein vish to schpiten!!

I LOL'd. Also at the occasional, "In MY day ... " comment. Ah, classic.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]dragonfangirl, 2008-02-06 11:39 pm UTC

[info]jetamors
2008-02-06 07:28 am UTC (link)
They all seem rather flighty to me.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2008-02-06 03:13 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]jetamors, 2008-02-06 08:52 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2008-02-07 12:16 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]taktuk, 2008-02-11 05:25 am UTC

[info]damien
2008-02-06 10:52 am UTC (link)
A pigeon pooped on my shoulder during my sister's funeral. Everyone insisted on telling me it was lucky.

I'm still convinced it was my sister getting the last laugh on me from beyond the grave.

(It's okay to laugh at this comment. I laughed at the time too.)

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2008-02-06 03:15 pm UTC



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