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Miss Murchison ([info]missm) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2008-02-05 17:40:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Pigeons: noble species or flying wizards of Satan?
I bring this courtesy of the same friend who provided the pie wank. This one isn't really wank, but I don't think there's an OTF_snark comm, and it's too funny not to post.

A story is posted in the Surrey Comet about Kingston's intention of having marksmen cull the pigeon population. Almost immediately, the discussion in the comments becomes hyperbolic:

Pigeons carry all manner of diseases like AIDS, malaria, rabies and mad cow disease to name but a few. They are also very aggressive and I can vouch for this as I was attacked by a flock and pecked severely while on my way home from flower arranging classes. In fact I would be more than happy to help in the killing of these evil creatures.


The next comment declares them "flying wizards of Satan" and the discussion really takes off:

I myself was raised by pigeons after being abandoned in Trafalgar Square as a young nipper. Therefore I know how noble and generous a species they really are.

I know what you mean, reader. I was raised by yaks but I'm sure the experience was similar. How about a council worker cull instead.


My elder sister was held captive for nine days by a flock of rock pigeons on a small island near Malta in 1979 - it may have been Gozo but I'm not too sure. (Sorry about that.) As you might gather she suffers from nightmares and flashbacks but she has also developed a loathing of millet seeds for some strange reason. She is in full support of the cull and, in actual fact, she has already applied for the job and fully intends to carry out her duties as soon as possible - whether she gets the job or not. Be careful around town folks - she's not a good shot.


Posted by: yeltsin Dont worry. we have ways of dealing with pigeons who have defecated from the KGB. we have booked with BA already.

There are too many gems in the comments to quote them all.  There is a feeble attempt at wank by one or two posters apparently serious about the issue, but it is quickly drowned out by lists of imaginative ways to cull pigeons, Mrs. Dallinger's OT efforts to understand her new email account, and Monty Python references. Oh, and the squirrel population weighs in.



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[info]cmdr_zoom
2008-02-06 04:37 pm UTC (link)
This was no pigeon. It was evil manifest.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]keswindhover
2008-02-06 11:55 pm UTC (link)
Chickens, pigeons - they're all the spawn of Satan.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]itsirtou
2008-02-06 07:16 pm UTC (link)
i think my favorite comment of all was

I sometimes watch pigeons having sex. It makes me feel just a little bit less lonely and unloved.

(Reply to this)


[info]itsirtou
2008-02-06 07:19 pm UTC (link)
Never got the chance to take her up the OXO tower

Does this mean "take it up the ass" in Brit-speak?

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]black_spot
2008-02-06 07:25 pm UTC (link)
Yup. That's what's happens when you use the gravy train.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


tree
2008-02-06 07:59 pm UTC (link)
A++

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]black_spot
2008-02-06 07:32 pm UTC (link)
I once nattered to a sitting pigeon on a fag break (me, not the pigeon - he might have finished his earlier) asking such questions as “Do you live round here? How’s the family? Do you need spare change for a cup of tea?” When I next saw him, he had keeled over and died. Maybe the banality of my conversation killed him. /anecdote

You know this is a cunning plan to distract the world with the pigeon problems of Kingston while the rest of the UK take over the world?

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]cyn
2008-02-07 07:57 am UTC (link)
I hope you do. If this comment thread is any evidence, you can at least manage a certain facetious cool while the rest of us drown in our own grammar.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]dreiser
2008-02-06 07:53 pm UTC (link)
Obviously the British have yet to experience the evils of geese if they're this concerned with the flying rat that is the pigeon. Now those are some crazy birds. Making nests in parking lots and in the middle of busy intersections, pecking at the cars that dare to stop at the light near their precious homes and chasing after anyone who is walking in the lot. Once in Chicago I saw a goose go after a mother pushing her baby in a stroller. It was horrific and funny in a very disturbing way.

Ohhhh, the many horrors of geese.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]chibikaijuu
2008-02-07 12:14 am UTC (link)
Canada geese are hilarious, evil, and EVERYWHERE. And also, on display at the Barcelona zoo. (I nearly fell over laughing. Luckily it was late afternoon and there wasn't really anyone there.)

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]misachan
2008-02-07 01:44 am UTC (link)
At my college one of the first signs of spring was students fleeing for their lives from territorial nesting Canada geese. One year a pair decided to build a nest right in the middle of a walkway and everyone had to detour around them for the rest of the semester. Between the geese and the skunks, walking at night was an adventure.

Goslings are adorable, though.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]chibikaijuu, 2008-02-07 04:04 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]maureenlycaon, 2008-02-07 05:07 am UTC

[info]melisus
2008-02-09 12:35 am UTC (link)
Actually, a few years ago on a trip to England some friends and I stopped by a pond in Stratford-on-Avon that was filled with Canada geese. I think I scared quite a few bystanders when I yelled out, "God dammit, can't you just stay home across the ocean? Where you BELONG?"

(Reply to this)(Parent)

(no subject) - [info]taktuk, 2008-02-11 05:21 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]chibikaijuu, 2008-02-11 05:44 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]taktuk, 2008-02-11 12:04 pm UTC

[info]cow_mouse
2008-02-07 02:22 am UTC (link)
I adore your icon! Harley/Ivy is my OTP. ♥

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]laurelin_kit
2008-02-07 08:46 pm UTC (link)
My doctor calls Canadian geese "flying bags of shit." I love him a little.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]platedlizard
2008-02-08 06:57 am UTC (link)
On my way to my old job I would occasionally have to chase the local geese out of the road, because apparently their answer to cars whizzing by fast enough to scare them was to wander out into the road, honking with confusion and fear. This despite there being a HUGE wetland for them to get lost in.

A few years ago a pair of geese were on one of the local bridges, and the male got hit by a care (of course). The female then proceeded to cause a MAJOR traffic jam by attacking every car that came by protecting his body. She was finally rescued by the local Audubon society and released elsewhere.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]arielchan
2008-02-09 02:29 am UTC (link)
I kicked a goose in the head once.

I was walking across my campus on the way to work and had to go through the park and across the river. As I got close to the bridge, a pair of geese were standing on the sidewalk. One started advancing on me and kept coming even when I stopped and retreated. I popped my foot up to scare him away and kicked him right in his goosey bill.

XD He went away then.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]rogueunit
2008-02-06 10:21 pm UTC (link)
There's an Animaniacs joke in here, I just can't pull it out!

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]catslash
2008-02-07 12:59 am UTC (link)
Joke? You mean this is funny to you? Like it amuses you? Is that what you're saying?

. . . yeah, I don't remember those sketches very clearly, either. That's all I got.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]janegraddell
2008-02-07 02:58 am UTC (link)
I can't help but wonder what Dr. Zelenka thinks of this...

(Reply to this)


[info]cyn
2008-02-07 04:41 am UTC (link)
Mrs. Dallinger's OT efforts to understand her new email

That was my favorite part. That, and

Kill them with axes.

I dunno. Maybe the English really are superior.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]chibikaijuu
2008-02-07 05:28 am UTC (link)
Kill them with axes was my favorite bit, too. Nice, succinct, and explicit.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]keswindhover
2008-02-07 08:45 pm UTC (link)
I dunno. Maybe the English really are superior.

Or we just like axes a lot.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]black_spot, 2008-02-07 09:14 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]keswindhover, 2008-02-07 09:16 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]black_spot, 2008-02-07 09:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]keswindhover, 2008-02-07 09:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]black_spot, 2008-02-07 09:22 pm UTC

[info]queencallipygos
2008-02-07 08:22 pm UTC (link)
we have ways of dealing with pigeons who have defecated from the KGB.

God help me, "defecated from the KGB" makes me think of a group of pigeons all lined up with their asses pointed at an advancing army and then letting fly with a barrage of projectile poo.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]black_spot
2008-02-07 09:16 pm UTC (link)
This is the only thing keeping the real cork industry going since wine moved to artificial corks.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]metallicar67
2008-02-15 08:53 am UTC (link)
Pigeons carry all manner of diseases like AIDS, malaria, rabies and mad cow disease

LOL LOL. Man, I love the snark in here, too. Raised by pigeons!

(Reply to this)



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