Pigeons: noble species or flying wizards of Satan?
I bring this courtesy of the same friend who provided the pie wank. This one isn't really wank, but I don't think there's an OTF_snark comm, and it's too funny not to post.

A story is posted in the Surrey Comet about Kingston's intention of having marksmen cull the pigeon population. Almost immediately, the discussion in the comments becomes hyperbolic:

Pigeons carry all manner of diseases like AIDS, malaria, rabies and mad cow disease to name but a few. They are also very aggressive and I can vouch for this as I was attacked by a flock and pecked severely while on my way home from flower arranging classes. In fact I would be more than happy to help in the killing of these evil creatures.

The next comment declares them "flying wizards of Satan" and the discussion really takes off:

I myself was raised by pigeons after being abandoned in Trafalgar Square as a young nipper. Therefore I know how noble and generous a species they really are.

I know what you mean, reader. I was raised by yaks but I'm sure the experience was similar. How about a council worker cull instead.

My elder sister was held captive for nine days by a flock of rock pigeons on a small island near Malta in 1979 - it may have been Gozo but I'm not too sure. (Sorry about that.) As you might gather she suffers from nightmares and flashbacks but she has also developed a loathing of millet seeds for some strange reason. She is in full support of the cull and, in actual fact, she has already applied for the job and fully intends to carry out her duties as soon as possible - whether she gets the job or not. Be careful around town folks - she's not a good shot.

Posted by: yeltsin Dont worry. we have ways of dealing with pigeons who have defecated from the KGB. we have booked with BA already.

There are too many gems in the comments to quote them all. There is a feeble attempt at wank by one or two posters apparently serious about the issue, but it is quickly drowned out by lists of imaginative ways to cull pigeons, Mrs. Dallinger's OT efforts to understand her new email account, and Monty Python references. Oh, and the squirrel population weighs in.

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	frequentmouse 2008-02-06 01:33 am UTC (link)
	[meaningless stream of pigeon consciousness] I had a pigeon land on my head once. It was disturbing. Squirrels, however, are much worse. Also starlings. [/meaningless stream of pigeon consciousness] (Reply to this)(Thread)

	anarchicq 2008-02-06 03:20 am UTC (link)
	A hummingbird thought I was a flower once and tried to get nectar from my skull. Also, I once gave popcorn to a pigeon with only one foot. It was cool because I was 10 and we both only had one foot. Shrug (Reply to this)(Parent)

also_not_a_pipe
2008-02-06 04:03 am UTC (link)

When I was in Venice years ago, there were little stands in Piazza San Marco where you could buy bags of corn to feed the pigeons. I tried feeding them a couple times for the novelty, and it was sort of freaky to suddenly have hordes of pigeons converge on you. When I turned my head to talk to someone in my tour group, I got a wingtip in my mouth.

I did like the one that rode all around the square on my forearm like it was a little falcon, though.

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	panthea 2008-02-06 04:40 am UTC (link)
	When I was there, a bird crapped on my neck. It was special. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	sidewinder 2008-02-06 05:05 am UTC (link)
	My first hour in Venice and I was shit on twice by pigeons. But I still like 'em. I have a flock outside of my house I feed regularly. When they get pissy and hungry they flap at me a bit, but it keeps the cats in the house amused all day watching them. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	tree 2008-02-06 08:03 pm UTC (link)
	I wonder what special powers you guys have; I've been to Venice oodles of times (I don't live far from it) and I've never had pigeon guano on me. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	magic_lilybean 2008-02-06 03:58 pm UTC (link)
	Somewhere I have a picture of myself with an Italian pigeon on my head. And another of someone else in the tour group with a pigeon on his shoulder. (Yes, he went "ARRRRRRRRRRR!") (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	chibikaijuu 2008-02-07 01:44 am UTC (link)
	This is one of my favorite pictures from my trip to Europe last summer. (Also, there is this one of an evil French pigeon. The previous pigeons are also French, but possibly less evil.) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	bubosquared 2008-02-09 06:36 am UTC (link)
	AAAAUGH! O_O That pigeon wants my soul! (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

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chibikaijuu, 2008-02-09 07:35 pm UTC

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bubosquared, 2008-02-11 10:55 am UTC

	hallidae 2008-02-06 05:19 am UTC (link)
	Squirrels are fucking scary, man. The ones on campus are so winter-fat that they look like cats, and they'll still chase your ass down if you go outside with food. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	frequentmouse 2008-02-06 07:30 am UTC (link)
	I had two of them mug me for an icecream cone once. And they creep me out when they stand on the step and stare into the house through the dining room slider. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

hallidae
2008-02-06 07:37 am UTC (link)

We had a voyeur squirrel at the apartment when I lived in Savannah. He'd purposely sit on a branch that faced into our bathroom and watch which ever of the three of us was showering at the time. We couldn't curtain him out either, because the window was too tall and the bathroom too narrow to get a ladder in for hanging. I finally lost my temper and threw a jar of pink paint at him one morning.

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	maev_connacht 2008-02-06 03:56 pm UTC (link)
	I had one of those in college! I lived in a room across from the roof of another building, and the squirrel would sit on the roof and watch me change. (Reply to this)(Parent)

magic_lilybean
2008-02-06 03:55 pm UTC (link)

When I was a kid we had some squirrels infiltrate our attic (someone had planted trees too close to the house; they damaged parts of the house as they grew and of course the branches made it very easy for the critters to get right in there). In the summertime we would open the stairwell because there was a big fan in the window at the top of the stairs, and it made for great air circulation.

Well, one night one of those squirrels came right down the stairs and into the house. Only s/h/it didn't make it back up - s/h/it was still loitering in the living room when everyone woke up and startled it. It then skittered behind the piano, where s/h/it lived for a couple days as we tried to figure out WTF to do.

It was entertaining because s/h/it would do little recitals when we were out of the room, but nobody wanted to be in the living room with a wild animal, and after a while the plink-plink-plink of a squirrel on the keys isn't really as entertaining as playing it yourself. Eventually we got a humane trap for it. Dad released it out in a field on the family farm, and he swears he saw it stop, get its bearings for a moment, and take off in the direction of our home across town.

You would think this little episode would result in better home maintanance on the part of the 'rents, but no. Still, we never had another squirrel come down, so I guess we were lucky.

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	waitwut 2008-02-06 06:32 pm UTC (link)
	I just had one, sit outside the window of our lunch room, staring at me. Yes, it's a college campus. Yes, they're the size of cats. (Yes, it's a ground floor room) It was still really creepy. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	agent_hyatt 2008-02-06 05:26 am UTC (link)
	Squirrels, however, are much worse. Oh so agreed. Especially when they're sitting on a branch over where you need to walk, just barking at you. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	doomsday 2008-02-06 06:10 pm UTC (link)
	A squirrel bit my sister once. (This is actually true.) (Reply to this)(Parent)

	sharps 2008-02-06 06:49 pm UTC (link)
	I've had pigeons fly into my head twice. Are they blind, or just monumentally stupid? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	pariforma 2008-02-06 08:44 pm UTC (link)
	Probably the latter. I like 'em, but they're not the brightest lightbulbs of the bird world. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	heddychaa 2008-02-07 01:18 am UTC (link)
	Canada Geese are by far the worst birds in existence. I hate all birds, but Canada Geese WILL FUCK YOUR SHIT UP. I was once feeding a squirrel pieces of bread from a sandwich I was eating, and a piece landed by a flock of 10-20 Canada Geese. Once they saw I threw it, THEY ATTACKED ME EN MASSE, WINGS OUT, HONKING OUT WARCRIES. I have been traumatized for life. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	betsythemuffin 2008-02-07 04:10 am UTC (link)
	I WANT TRAINED ATTACK GEESE. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	OH HAI, I UPGRADED UR TORCHWUDZ chibikaijuu 2008-02-09 06:51 am UTC (link)
	OMG IT'S YOU. AND YOU ARE USING THAT ICON. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: OH HAI, I UPGRADED UR TORCHWUDZ -

betsythemuffin, 2008-02-09 06:57 pm UTC

	kelmendi 2008-02-08 03:13 am UTC (link)
	It's not just geese. Swans are mean, mean mean! When I was around 8, a gang of swans tried to eat my teddy bear. And they hiss and snap at you. And they TRIED TO EAT MY TEDDY BEAR! My theory is that birds+long necks=PURE EVIL! (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	flightstothesea 2008-02-11 11:27 pm UTC (link)
	Let's not forget that swans are a LOT bigger than geese. They can break your arm with a wing flap! o.O (Reply to this)(Parent)

	coyotegirl 2008-02-07 06:49 am UTC (link)
	When I was about 10, I managed to catch a New York pigeon. Briefly. I'm not sure which of us was more startled. Mom immediately hustled me into the nearest bathroom and made me wash my hands really well. (Reply to this)(Parent)

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