A Translation
On People: I consider myself endlessly fascinating,

When I think about me, I touch myself.

and ask all of those around me to be the same.

I am the alpha and omega of all that is right in the world. Others should use me as their example. OBEY ME! OBEY MY DOG!

Seriously: I don't demand that people cultivate themselves to become living artworks.

People can't all be as wonderful and fabulous as I am. But that doesn't mean they shouldn't try! *preens* We need to be realistic here.

That would be nice,

Super, even!

but it won't happen until we overcome capitalism.

While I berate your city, I think it's important to remind you of the evils it was founded upon- industry, the railroad, and the American dollar - No matter how irrelevant it is to my actual arguement.


What I would like is if people would be more colorful, more engaging, more willing to talk to strangers.

Why can't you all be special snowflakes like me? All I want is a friend. I need friends. Why don't you all love me? :(

I get that in other cities; not here.

Cater to me, Chicagoans. You suck!