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Sarah the Hussy ([info]braisinhussy) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2008-03-27 11:05:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:let them eat cake, small but tasty

My breaducation, let me show you it
Bread wank. I've never been so happy.

[info]bellasmommy posts some step-by-step photos on how to make baguettes. In her description, she mentions using a bit of sugar, as well as an egg wash. There is also a mention of using the microwave to proof the dough, and using scissors rather than a razor to score the loaves.

The finished loaves look lovely, and [info]bellasmommy says, "These loaves are awesome. The outside is lightly crusty, the inside is light and chewy and fluffy." Great, right?

Oh wait. According to [info]schlake, SHE'S DOING IT WRONG. The finished product is obviously not bread, but some demonspawn of yeast and flour.

(Now I want a macro of Senator Vreenak holding a baguette, hissing "It's a FAAAAAAAKE!") (Which, thanks to nam_jai, we now have!

PS. Bonus stock/broth wankery back in December, also courtesy of [info]schlake.

ETA: It's also in domestic_snark, stupid_free, and sf_drama.




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(Post a new comment)


[info]tintin
2008-03-27 10:45 pm UTC (link)
LOL "breaducation."

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]azazello, 2008-03-27 10:50 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2008-03-28 01:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]loquaciousquark, 2008-03-28 03:25 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]azazello, 2008-03-28 08:34 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]loquaciousquark, 2008-03-28 08:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]dragonfangirl, 2008-03-30 04:39 pm UTC

[info]mary_mac
2008-03-27 11:14 pm UTC (link)
Bwahahah.
Sorry.
I live in a house where the bread making is of the 'I have wheaten flour! I have milk! Where'd the wheatgerm go? There's honey! Lets add honey! Lots of honey! Oops, too much honey. Oh well, cook it anyway.'
Strangely, no one has died. Or been prohibited. Although I probably should be for the sheer mess I made with the honey experiment.

Also. Potato bread. What would she make of potato bread, do you think?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]aristaea, 2008-03-28 04:54 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mary_mac, 2008-03-28 01:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]soupspooks, 2008-03-28 05:31 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mary_mac, 2008-03-28 05:46 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]aristaea, 2008-03-28 08:54 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mary_mac, 2008-03-30 11:59 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]pfeffermuse, 2008-03-31 02:21 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mary_mac, 2008-03-31 02:02 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mertonfanatic, 2008-03-28 01:42 pm UTC

[info]onaga
2008-03-27 11:33 pm UTC (link)
Oh god, somebody in domestic_snark linked this and now I think I need to go throw up.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]doomsday, 2008-03-28 01:05 am UTC
(no subject) - nam_jai, 2008-03-28 02:26 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2008-03-28 01:22 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]platedlizard, 2008-03-28 03:53 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladybirdsleeps, 2008-03-28 04:03 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ilpalazzo, 2008-04-02 09:12 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lemone, 2008-03-28 07:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ianthefira, 2008-03-28 09:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2008-03-28 02:49 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sharps, 2008-03-28 05:12 pm UTC
I'll admit, I LOLed - [info]palefire, 2008-03-29 04:19 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]knightrider, 2008-03-30 11:06 pm UTC

[info]theladyfeylene
2008-03-27 11:43 pm UTC (link)
Oh man, I'm in there. I bookmarked the post last night bceause, um, yummy bread that is quicker than my current recipe! And I wandered back earlier today to thank the poster for the awesome recipe, and saw the wank had exploded. And couldn't keep my mouth shut. Because dude... IT'S BREAD! IT'S FUCKING BREAD! IT HAS ALL THE REQUIREMENTS OF BREAD! And guess what? she didn't call it 'just bread', she called it French Bread! So even then, the argument 'well you can't just call it plain bread, I don't care if there's a modifier before it' fails!

(Reply to this)


[info]dez_chan
2008-03-27 11:55 pm UTC (link)
Oh my god, this comment thread on stupid_free wins. So much win.

YOU CAN'T OPPRESS THE FEMINIST INDIAN AGENDA. I KNOW BECAUSE I AM RELATED TO POCAHANTAS AND THAT IS HOW I KNOW TO MAKE PIE. BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]sheep, 2008-03-28 12:42 am UTC

[info]southerngaelic
2008-03-28 12:38 am UTC (link)
....All this wank did was to remind me that I've spent nine hours playing Harvest Moon and haven't had anything that can count as a meal in all that time.

*slowly puts down the DS and goes to make a midnight meal*

(Reply to this)


[info]mer1973
2008-03-28 01:19 am UTC (link)
...I read the otf_wank comments half expecting bread recipes...

Woe, not a one has been shared. Woe, woe is me, but now I really really want some bread.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2008-03-28 01:29 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mer1973, 2008-03-28 02:41 am UTC
Irish soda bread, with numerous forbidden bread ingredients - nam_jai, 2008-03-28 02:35 am UTC
Re: Irish soda bread, with numerous forbidden bread ingredients - [info]mer1973, 2008-03-28 02:40 am UTC
Re: Irish soda bread, with numerous forbidden bread ingredients - [info]rachelmap, 2008-03-28 09:07 am UTC
Re: Irish soda bread, with numerous forbidden bread ingredients - [info]evilsqueakers, 2008-03-29 10:21 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]magic_lilybean, 2008-03-28 03:50 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mer1973, 2008-03-28 10:15 pm UTC
The forbidden Hawaiian bread of DOOM! - [info]palefire, 2008-03-29 04:46 am UTC

[info]kijikun
2008-03-28 01:32 am UTC (link)
I'm going to go make some beer bread now.

Hmm fake bread made with beer.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]lil_miss_stfu, 2008-03-28 02:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]demonoflight, 2008-03-28 10:28 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2008-03-30 02:18 am UTC

[info]demonbean
2008-03-28 02:21 am UTC (link)
Microwaving the dough is also a prohibited act in real bread making.

The United States had laws to protect bread up until this 1970s

The bread! Protect it! Put it in dark glasses and hide it in the witness protection program!

Get schlake's phone number so when you are cooking bread in the future, you can call him and ask him if it's done yet. You hold the phone up to the oven--he can tell.

Pwned, schlake. Pwned.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]queencallipygos, 2008-03-28 03:13 am UTC
(no subject) - nam_jai, 2008-03-28 04:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]jat_sapphire, 2008-03-28 03:11 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]rainkatt, 2008-03-29 05:38 pm UTC

[info]joye
2008-03-28 04:40 am UTC (link)
"I've left stock on the stove for three days while I was away. It just tasted nuttier than usual when I got back."

Oh, [info]schlake. Should I tell you what really happened in those three days?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]perfica, 2008-03-28 06:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]angstymcgoth, 2008-03-28 06:26 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]brown_betty, 2008-03-28 09:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kosaginolegion, 2008-03-28 03:42 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tofuknight, 2008-03-28 05:01 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]smashingstars, 2008-03-28 05:11 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tachikoma01, 2008-03-29 03:24 pm UTC

[info]chaos_theory
2008-03-28 05:40 am UTC (link)
Well, shit. I guess I have to stop making my bread with LOVE, then, since it's not flour, yeast, water, or salt.

(Reply to this)


[info]papervolcano
2008-03-28 07:32 am UTC (link)
I have bread flour and yeast in my cupboards. Tonight, I will stop by the supermarket and buy a load of verboten stuff to add to my bread. Any suggestions?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]blackjackrocket, 2008-03-28 07:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ianthefira, 2008-03-28 09:00 am UTC
(no subject) - iwanttobeasleep, 2008-03-28 06:24 pm UTC
I'm not exactly Iron Chef... - [info]ianthefira, 2008-03-28 06:31 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]fakename, 2008-03-28 11:18 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]frequentmouse, 2008-03-28 11:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]rainkatt, 2008-03-29 05:49 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]frequentmouse, 2008-03-29 06:51 pm UTC

[info]blackjackrocket
2008-03-28 07:48 am UTC (link)
Dammit, between this and the donut comments in another thread, I'm HUNGRY. And I just ate too!

...fuck. We have bagels downstairs and now I want them. But they're BOILED and so probably not real bread. And some have seeds or raisins in them. So they're an abomination unto breaddom, right?

(Reply to this)


[info]herongale
2008-03-28 09:41 am UTC (link)
I think I'm going to start telling people that it's just not bread unless it's hand made by specially licensed professionals in tiny villages in the south of France. Perhaps garden gnomes.

(Reply to this)


[info]tachikoma01
2008-03-28 01:51 pm UTC (link)
I wonder how many people are going to make that bread now just because they saw it in a wank. I know I am. *goes out for ingredients*

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]tephra, 2008-03-28 06:53 pm UTC

[info]elektra3
2008-03-29 12:48 am UTC (link)
The United States had laws to protect bread up until this 1970s

...Never has my icon been more appropriate. Just. WHAT.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]mistressrenet, 2008-04-01 07:50 pm UTC

[info]rennyn_alerothi
2008-03-29 03:31 am UTC (link)
Gee, this whole thing makes me want to call troll on schlake - Except that I know pedantic douches like this actually exist outside of trolldom.

(Reply to this)


[info]palefire
2008-03-29 04:54 am UTC (link)
I take this as a sign that yes, God does indeed want me to make the Hawaiian sweet bread I've been putting off.

Still debating on whether I want to add pineapple juice and/or vanilla extract this time or not. Decisions, decisions...

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]joye, 2008-03-30 04:39 am UTC

[info]metallicar67
2008-03-29 12:27 pm UTC (link)
My first thought was that he must be a troll.

My second thought, upon checking his journal, was "he's a NM tech student. My family lives there. I could have him killed."

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]the_clansmen, 2008-03-29 12:28 pm UTC

[info]shinga
2008-03-29 02:48 pm UTC (link)
I'm totally reading this wank to my parents. We are having a good laugh about it. When he mentioned Challah not being called bread or something my mom was like, "Wow, he's even telling God that He's doing it wrong!"

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]anatalya, 2008-03-30 01:37 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]shinga, 2008-03-30 01:40 am UTC

[info]serai
2008-03-30 04:28 am UTC (link)
Bread is bread, but that there's a cracker.

(Reply to this)


[info]damien
2008-03-30 06:44 am UTC (link)
Bread judge walks into court.

Bread bailiff addresses the bread court.

"All rise".


That comment officially won.

(Reply to this)


[info]joye
2008-03-30 06:45 am UTC (link)
According to domestic_snark, the guy is a D&D gamer. Fellow gamers, can't you just hear him arguing with the DM?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]exit_chrysalis, 2008-03-30 08:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]funwithrage, 2008-03-31 04:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mistressrenet, 2008-04-01 07:55 pm UTC

[info]hallidae
2008-03-31 12:49 am UTC (link)
I love the stupid_free post now, specifically because the comments gave me Naked Bourdain

(Reply to this)


[info]isntitironic
2008-03-31 05:18 am UTC (link)
I just wanted to say that I made this bread tonight and it is delicious, so there.

(Reply to this)



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