Entry tags:

My breaducation, let me show you it
Bread wank. I've never been so happy.

bellasmommy posts some step-by-step photos on how to make baguettes. In her description, she mentions using a bit of sugar, as well as an egg wash. There is also a mention of using the microwave to proof the dough, and using scissors rather than a razor to score the loaves.

The finished loaves look lovely, and bellasmommy says, "These loaves are awesome. The outside is lightly crusty, the inside is light and chewy and fluffy." Great, right?

Oh wait. According to schlake, SHE'S DOING IT WRONG. The finished product is obviously not bread, but some demonspawn of yeast and flour.

(Now I want a macro of Senator Vreenak holding a baguette, hissing "It's a FAAAAAAAKE!") (Which, thanks to nam_jai, we now have!

PS. Bonus stock/broth wankery back in December, also courtesy of schlake.

ETA: It's also in domestic_snark, stupid_free, and sf_drama.

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	Re: Is this going to be like the icing wank all over again? :D honorh 2008-03-28 04:10 am UTC (link)
	Okay, I see a problem with that recipe: yeast needs sugar to feed on. Without the lovely gaseous byproducts of yeast digestion, bread doesn't rise. Having tasted yeast bread that had the sugar left out, I can testify to the complete fail of the finished product. I think our little baker girl is talking out of her nether orifice. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: Is this going to be like the icing wank all over again? :D lyssa 2008-03-28 07:00 am UTC (link)
	Supposedly it can still rise, but takes 12-16 hours. I'll take a shortcut that doesn't affect the outcome that much plzkthx. Of course, this means I can never be a TRUE BAKER. Quite the travesty. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: Is this going to be like the icing wank all over again? :D aerobot 2008-03-29 01:59 am UTC (link)
	Drive-by icon love. I swear I muted that entire sequence. I have no idea what the songs are like, and I regret nothing. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: Is this going to be like the icing wank all over again? :D lyssa 2008-03-29 07:01 pm UTC (link)
	I wish I had thought to mute it at the time, I really, really do. Though, I must admit, I preferred it to the Atlantica level in the first game. Easy minigame involving badly sung crap beats out on swimming and fighting Ursula, hands down. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: Is this going to be like the icing wank all over again? :D aerobot 2008-03-31 03:12 am UTC (link)
	Oh fuck me, yes. Swimming and fighting is such a BITCH. (Giant Ursula was pretty cool, tho.) (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: Is this going to be like the icing wank all over again? :D magic_lilybean 2008-03-28 02:50 pm UTC (link)
	Actually, the recipe I have for (amusingly enough) French bread calls for just water, bread flour, salt, and yeast. I thought of it because I remember being surprised at the short list of ingredients. Looked it up, and sure enough - no sugar. It doesn't take any extra time to rise or anything, either. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: Is this going to be like the icing wank all over again? :D vasaris 2008-03-28 11:34 pm UTC (link)
	Actually, no -- the yeast feeds on the starch in the flour -- it just takes longer. The sourdough recipies I have leave sugar completely out of it, take a huge amount of time, and make the best bread evar. Or, at least, the best bread I've personally ever made. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

Re: Is this going to be like the icing wank all over again? :D

empy
2008-03-31 11:03 am UTC (link)

Traditional Finnish sourdough rye bread is like that. Takes days to make despite having few ingredients*, and requires a 'starter' (I can't find a good English equivalent for the original term) that has to ferment (and which should be self-made and from specific ingredients, but that's another wank in another culinary culture), but OH GOD is it delicious. *salivates*

*and no sugar

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Re: Is this going to be like the icing wank all over again? :D

vasaris
2008-04-01 06:38 pm UTC (link)

*laughs* No need for another term -- starter is what it's called in English too.

My sourdough starter recipie -- lukewarm water and flour. Feed constantly for about three days while it pulls yeast from the air and ferments. The ambient temperature in the house has to be high enough to allow this (as I discovered the hard way.) Use starter to make bread. That takes around 8-12 hours.

But, oh, so goooood. No quick rise, buy-yeast-and-make-bread compares (which isn't to say those aren't good, they are, but they're just not the same.)

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