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"I have personally saved the ass-virginity of several young boys in my days."
I... don't even know how to describe this.

It's a lovely time capsule of wank that took place in 2001; the Shrine of the Mall Ninja was posted in 2006. It seems the original thread is gone now. History weeps for its loss.

There are two lessons to take away from this: there is apparently an epidemic of ass-raping going on in malls across America, and there are a few brave men with assault rifles serving as the last bastion of protection between the ass-rapists and young boys' tender ass-virginity. If you don't respect your friendly neighborhood Mall Ninja, you, too, may be gang-raped in the men's room.

Who knew malls were so dangerous?

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	blankverses 2008-05-16 06:47 pm UTC (link)
	Oh, John Ringo. I think I'd just stopped responding to everything with "OH JOHN RINGO NO!" like a week ago, too. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	findchaem 2008-05-16 06:53 pm UTC (link)
	You know how Ringo's protagonist goes around recruiting prostitutes to join his private mercenary army? There should be a book where he recruits the Mall Ninja. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

blankverses
2008-05-16 06:57 pm UTC (link)

Oh man, that would be awesome!

A whole book could take place at the Mall of America or whatever -- the whores could be working the Rave store and the Hot Topic insta-goth kids could be running a ring of sex-slaves that they kidnap from Hollister. And, using only what they can make out of parts from Radio Shack and the Apple store, the Mike guy and the Mall Ninja save the day, and then bang out the chicks working at Orange Julius before riding off into the sunset on their segues.

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	hxmxcrashtrap 2008-05-17 01:29 pm UTC (link)
	I think I love you just a little bit for giving me that TOTALLY AWESOME mental image. If he doesn't write it, can I? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	blankverses 2008-05-17 10:58 pm UTC (link)
	Go for it, I would totally read that. (Reply to this)(Parent)

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