Last December, she hatched a loaf and a couple of days later, it died.

I'm picturing giving birth to a loaf of bread inside a shell ... But, actually, my first reaction was, "you, OP, are a repugnant piece of shit." Ahem.

You knew what would happen but you chose to sprog anyhow.

And this one reminds me of pogs. Ah, the good old days.

Going off to get some tea now. Tea will make this better. Hopefully.