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Caito Potato ([info]caito) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2008-11-12 19:53:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:authorwank, self-published

Specious Missive from the Blogbag
Here's a small but tasty writers' wank that has nothing to do with NaNoWriMo!

Editorial Anonymous is a blog written by an anonymous editor at a mystery publisher, who answers questions about published, how to query, etc. All in all, it's generally a good source for aspiring authors.

Of course, every now and then, the blogger receives something completely out of left field. Like this, an email from someone seeking a publicist. The blogger removes the sender's name before posting the email, but leaves the long list of self-published works untouched. Naturally, it's Google fodder, and the sender's identity is easily discovered.

Is it hilarious? Or is it unkind? Depends which commenter you ask, and they're all more than willing to share their thoughts on yaoi the email. Most especially one Will Entrekin, himself a writer published via Lulu, who seems to think he's kind of a big deal. His collection was the very first e-book on Apple's iPhone, you guys, he said so himself!

All in all, this wank report is a quick, fun read. I give myself a five star review! All I need now is a publicist. Know any random bloggers I could email about that?

ETA: The anonymous blogger states that she decided to post the Googleable list of works "not because it was funny but because coming at the end of a letter complaining about her lack of success, titles like "How to Be Wealthy Selling Informational Products on the Internet"; "How to Become Wealthy Selling Ebooks"; and "How To Become Wealthy Selling Products on The Internet" smack strongly of fraud."



(Post a new comment)


[info]llama_treats
2008-11-12 03:05 pm UTC (link)
LOL. She really does review her own books. (Just one example.)

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]atreyu
2008-11-12 07:00 pm UTC (link)
Did... she review her story twice? O_o And then have her (presuming) husband review? Oh, man.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]shadowmonkey
2008-11-12 10:54 pm UTC (link)
I give her kudos for not even pretending to be someone else.

Or lulz for not knowing how to sockpuppet like all good self-published writers.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]pantsgolem
2008-11-13 07:29 am UTC (link)
I think she reviewed the different editions of her book separately, not realizing that Amazon would put them together. Notice how one of them has a note about being about the paperback version.

Also, the review is ostensibly from some other publication that she's reposting there, but I have no idea how reputable it is, or whether it actually gave her book a rating equivalent to five stars. Either way, her reposting it is still kinda fail, but not as much as her husband's crappy review.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]gynocrat
2008-11-12 03:28 pm UTC (link)
I can't see how Lulu doesn't fall into that scope. I used Lulu to print a short story collection, and I've been very happy with the results. I think it's rather like a gun; guns aren't good or bad, it's how people use them.

That's it, I'm going to shoot all of you with my doujinshi releases!

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[info]derumi
2008-11-12 05:51 pm UTC (link)
Just make sure to keep your doujinshi out of the hands of children. Don't want any unfortunate accidents, you know?

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[info]gynocrat
2008-11-13 04:04 pm UTC (link)
So I should halt the release of 'How To Get Rich Selling Your Doujinshi to Kids"?

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]sisterelwood
2008-11-12 10:35 pm UTC (link)
I now have this image of doujinshi being fire from a potato gun in my head.

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[info]jupiterpluvius
2008-11-12 09:44 pm UTC (link)
Will Entrekin thinks he is pwning.

He is mistaken.

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[info]caito
2008-11-13 03:28 am UTC (link)
He was the most lolsome part, for me.

"I studied fiction with Janet Fitch..."
Who the hell is Janet Fitch?

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]caito
2008-11-13 07:37 am UTC (link)
Someone told me to Wiki her in a comment (that's now deleted?) but that's kind of my point. She's not exactly a household name; it would probably sound more impressive to say, "I studied with the author of White Oleander."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]dhole
2008-11-13 06:30 pm UTC (link)
From my point of view, it doesn't really matter who he studied with, even if she was somebody. He could have had private lessons from Jack Vance, C.J. Cherryh, and Roger Zelazny. "I studied with the author of Lord of Light" is approximately eight million times less impressive than "I wrote Lord of Light. Hell, it's less impressive than "I wrote Twilight".

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]julian_black
2008-11-13 07:37 am UTC (link)
But hey, I studied fiction with Janet Fitch and made my collection the very first e-book on Apple's iPhone.

I just want to pat him on his swollen little head and tell him what a good boy he is. And then tell him to go play with his toys because the grownups are trying to carry on a conversation.

As for the whole brick-and-mortar question: you still go to those? That's so cute. I'm telling you, it's so neat to see people going all, like, old school and such.

The success of online booksellers and the expansion of e-book sales aside, the vast majority of books (especially fiction and mainstream nonfiction) are still sold in brick-and-mortar bookstores or other physical locations--because most readers prefer browsing for books with the actual books in-hand.

So what's really cute here is Will Entrekin's total ignorance of how books actually get sold. That, and the fact that he's the kind of tool who has to brag about who his teacher was because he's not known for anything else.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]shadowmonkey
2008-11-12 10:59 pm UTC (link)
The other posts under the "How to tell you're never going to get published" tag are pulling me in like a TVTropes tractor beam.
5 stars.

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[info]souris
2008-11-12 11:40 pm UTC (link)
Aagh! Extra creepy God in "Don't spam the editors part four"!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]anonyrat
2008-11-20 10:10 pm UTC (link)
Which brings me to a perennial point that cannot be made frequently enough: If you don't remember what it's like to be a child, you don't get to write for them.

You, dumbasses: Have you only just realized that you have an imagination? And now you feel all artsy and free and want to inflict it on defenseless children?
(a) You're really rediscovering your imagination, and
(b) That magical ringing in your ears is the rust falling off.


Awesome advice, but...I didn't know enough people tried to publish children's books informing children that they could use their imagination for it to become an irritant.

It's like that time I was looking at submission guidelines for some fantasy short fiction magazine and one of the rules was "stop submitting police procedurals or private eye stories in a high fantasy setting".

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]anonyrat
2008-11-18 01:46 am UTC (link)
Auguste Dupin, Poe's fictional detective, investigates the mysterious death of Poe himself, while trying to overcome an addiction to Laudanum.

Damn, wish I'd thought of that.

I would have written it without the OMG EDGY drug addiction, at least.

That shit's only cool when Sherlock Holmes does it.

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[info]kumquat_of_doom
2008-11-20 12:42 am UTC (link)
Or House, but same difference really.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]anonyrat
2008-11-20 09:55 pm UTC (link)
Even House ran out of coolness eventually.

Sherlock Holmes just stopped mentioning it after a while.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


 
   
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