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Like a book club, except with more sex! ([info]notjo) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2009-01-21 21:22:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:at least her mommy loves her, at least it's fun to mock, not racism wank! yay, otf_wank's thoughts on weddings

I have to admit, I don't even know how to sum this up.

Bride - or should I say, former Bride - reveals her theory that Brides are the Center of the Universe

After opening with her credentials to be advising Bridesmaids, she says:

And yes, my dear ladies, being in a bridal party is a job, and I am going to tell you what to do, thus this letter. I am advocate for the Bride in your life.

And then she goes on. And on. And on. With numbering, for easy reference. And then more numbering.

The comments are a fascinating mix of "OMG! you are so right!!!" and "OMG! You are so CRAZY".

The whole thing makes me glad I eloped.
Page 1 of 3
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(Post a new comment)


[info]sgtgeorgecarter
2009-01-22 02:48 am UTC (link)
Good Grief.

I was asked to be in 3 weddings and said no to all three. Am I glad I did.

(Reply to this)


[info]breecita
2009-01-22 03:01 am UTC (link)
I think I watched that movie. James Marsden has pretty eyes.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2009-01-22 08:36 pm UTC

[info]kadath
2009-01-22 03:07 am UTC (link)
I'm too busy being offended by her horrible writing to figure out if I'm offended by her opinions.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]southbitch, 2009-01-22 05:02 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]arionhunter, 2009-01-22 05:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]aeka, 2009-01-23 12:34 am UTC

[info]velvet_mace
2009-01-22 03:09 am UTC (link)
Bring a survival kit for your poor Bride. Tampons (not only for the usual purpose, but for sopping up spills and things they are amazing.)

... ew.

I didn't elope, but I also didn't presume to dress anyone other than myself or demand that someone else pat my hand and keep me from hysterics. She's not being forced to marry, after all.

I'm not even sure why someone would want to want to have a wedding like this. Even if everything goes right, the result is so... generic.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]julesnoctambule, 2009-01-22 04:27 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]keri, 2009-01-22 07:30 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]velvet_mace, 2009-01-22 08:04 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]serai, 2009-01-22 08:19 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]velvet_mace, 2009-01-22 08:28 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kookaburra, 2009-01-22 10:29 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lirazel, 2009-01-26 06:06 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]frequentmouse, 2009-01-22 07:20 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]yoritomo_reiko, 2009-01-23 01:14 pm UTC

[info]rachelmap
2009-01-22 03:11 am UTC (link)
Wow. I'm glad I stayed in Korea until it was time to go home for my wedding and let everybody else do what they wanted to do. I only made my wedding dress, and told the folks back home of the groom that I wanted carrot cake and not that godawful tasteless white cake that the bakers flog off as "traditional". Getting through the pre-marital counselling in the two weeks I had before the ceremony was the most complicated part.

(Reply to this)


[info]singe
2009-01-22 03:16 am UTC (link)
My bridesmaids, although I love them dearly, were too busy to help me, (one was planning her own wedding, and one was 13, and one was quite far away) and I did everything myself. I, also, never complained.

Until NOW! Those bitches.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2009-01-22 03:47 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]singe, 2009-01-22 04:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]also_not_a_pipe, 2009-01-22 09:03 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]singe, 2009-01-22 10:03 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]jupiterpluvius, 2009-01-23 02:18 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]singe, 2009-01-23 04:24 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sparkysrevenge, 2009-01-23 11:21 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]singe, 2009-01-23 07:44 pm UTC

[info]nightfalltwen
2009-01-22 03:18 am UTC (link)
I love how the OP asked to be linked if it got to the snark comms and people have linked her... but the mod deletes the comments and says DO NOT TELL PEOPLE THAT THIS MADE SNARK COMMS

(Reply to this)

Also...
[info]singe
2009-01-22 03:24 am UTC (link)
Tampons (not only for the usual purpose, but for sopping up spills and things they are amazing.)

Who the hell uses a tampon to wipe up spills?! Does she use them during the rehearsal dinner? During the toast to soak up spilled champagne? To clean her lipstick off the horrified groom/father-of-the-bride/preacher? Gah, ultra-absorbent paper towels are cheaper and can be used in public without embarrassment.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: Also... - [info]tez, 2009-01-22 03:26 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]singe, 2009-01-22 03:31 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]tez, 2009-01-22 03:42 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]damnedfallacy, 2009-01-22 03:50 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]beachlass, 2009-01-22 04:15 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]tofuknight, 2009-01-22 08:49 pm UTC
Re: Also... - [info]negativecosine, 2009-01-22 05:27 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]damnedfallacy, 2009-01-22 04:29 pm UTC
Re: Also... - [info]negativecosine, 2009-01-22 09:22 pm UTC
Re: Also... - [info]tez, 2009-01-22 07:35 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]damnedfallacy, 2009-01-22 04:30 pm UTC
Re: Also... - [info]singe, 2009-01-22 04:46 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]marumae, 2009-01-25 05:10 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]sisterelwood, 2009-01-22 05:47 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]cleolinda, 2009-01-22 06:02 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]tez, 2009-01-22 07:35 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]tofuknight, 2009-01-22 08:52 pm UTC
Re: Also... - [info]also_not_a_pipe, 2009-01-22 09:09 pm UTC
Re: Also... - [info]caito, 2009-01-22 03:54 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]singe, 2009-01-22 04:49 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]ecchaniz0r, 2009-01-22 03:05 pm UTC
Re: Also... - [info]singe, 2009-01-22 07:04 pm UTC
Re: Also... - [info]kookaburra, 2009-01-22 10:35 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]tofuknight, 2009-01-22 08:51 pm UTC
Re: Also... - [info]kookaburra, 2009-01-23 04:58 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]sesana, 2009-01-23 04:57 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]kookaburra, 2009-01-23 08:35 am UTC
Re: Also... - [info]pfeffermuse, 2009-01-24 07:23 pm UTC
TMI time with takhys! :D - [info]takhys, 2009-01-23 08:50 am UTC
Re: TMI time with takhys! :D - [info]singe, 2009-01-23 07:49 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]takhys, 2009-01-23 08:02 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]singe, 2009-01-23 08:28 pm UTC

[info]tez
2009-01-22 03:25 am UTC (link)
I will admit I did a shitload of the work for the last wedding I was a bridesmaid in.

However, that said: a) it was my little sister's wedding and b) she was several states away up until the night before the wedding and by necessity most of the planning burden fell on me and my mother.

If she'd handed me this, though, I would've dropkicked her all the way back to Utah.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]skeleton_key, 2009-01-22 03:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]damnedfallacy, 2009-01-22 03:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]damnedfallacy, 2009-01-22 03:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]tez, 2009-01-22 03:53 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]tez, 2009-01-22 03:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]wankaholic, 2009-01-23 12:47 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]wankaholic, 2009-01-23 12:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]skeleton_key, 2009-01-23 12:58 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]wankaholic, 2009-01-23 12:58 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]skeleton_key, 2009-01-23 01:03 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]wankaholic, 2009-01-23 01:09 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]skeleton_key, 2009-01-23 01:12 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]wankaholic, 2009-01-23 01:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]napalmnacey, 2009-01-22 08:16 am UTC

[info]magnolia_mama
2009-01-22 03:52 am UTC (link)
my husband was within 4 hours of death on our honeymoon.
I'm kind of curious to know what the story is there. How can you foresee someone's death down to a matter of hours? Was there a clock ticking down the minutes in a corner of the screen, like on one of those special episodes of "M*A*S*H*"?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]scorpio20, 2009-01-22 06:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kookaburra, 2009-01-22 10:39 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]catmoran, 2009-01-22 06:30 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]frequentmouse, 2009-01-22 07:30 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]delineated, 2009-01-22 08:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2009-01-22 08:55 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kookaburra, 2009-01-22 10:21 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]frequentmouse, 2009-01-22 10:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kookaburra, 2009-01-22 10:36 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]frequentmouse, 2009-01-22 11:08 pm UTC

[info]caito
2009-01-22 03:57 am UTC (link)
SQUEE. AN EXCUSE TO USE THIS ICON.

That being said, I can't see the wank because livejournal is blocked from work. But I do love me some entitled brides.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]tehrin, 2009-01-22 05:59 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]caito, 2009-01-22 07:35 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]keri, 2009-01-22 07:35 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]caito, 2009-01-22 11:36 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]digigirl132, 2009-01-22 11:30 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]jupiterpluvius, 2009-01-23 02:22 am UTC

[info]sarracenia
2009-01-22 03:57 am UTC (link)
Is she investigating the condition of her bridesmaids' underwear during the wedding? Are the bridesmaids doing a striptease? Why on earth would she care whether or not they wore underwear?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]plazmah, 2009-01-22 05:43 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]yattara, 2009-01-22 04:27 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]jupiterpluvius, 2009-01-23 02:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lirazel, 2009-01-26 06:43 pm UTC

[info]pyrrah
2009-01-22 04:02 am UTC (link)
As someone who bridesmaided over seven times, I feel like writing up a bitchy counter post.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]caito, 2009-01-22 04:06 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]pyrrah, 2009-01-22 04:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sisterelwood, 2009-01-22 05:42 am UTC

[info]splorch
2009-01-22 04:19 am UTC (link)
People who are still this invested in weddings long after their OMG BIG DAY are completely pathetic, and eventually move on to become one of those crazyass competitors in the LJ Parenting Olympics.

I look forward to that day. She'll never know what hit her.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]sevendeadlyfun, 2009-01-22 05:24 am UTC

[info]julesnoctambule
2009-01-22 04:24 am UTC (link)
My husband and I had a wedding with a ceremony and a reception and pictures and cake and everything, yet it wasn't some dramafest freakout because we aren't that kind of people. I don't buy into the ~*~OMGSPESHULESTDAYEV4R!!!!!~*~ crap, nor am I batshit crazy and self-obsessed. The bridesmaids' dresses didn't match, the flowers were silk (and I got them on clearance!), my sister was drunk and shouted 'I'm Rick James, bitch!' during the reception and everyone had a good time. It was just a big party with everyone in nicer-than-usual clothes.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]eilisliana, 2009-01-22 04:32 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]julesnoctambule, 2009-01-22 04:40 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rimrunner, 2009-01-22 06:27 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]julesnoctambule, 2009-01-22 05:27 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lirazel, 2009-01-26 06:46 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]napalmnacey, 2009-01-22 08:19 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kookaburra, 2009-01-22 10:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]julesnoctambule, 2009-01-22 05:26 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]yattara, 2009-01-22 04:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]waitwut, 2009-01-22 06:30 pm UTC
my pastor's advice - [info]squeakytoy, 2009-01-22 09:00 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]maev_connacht, 2009-01-22 04:55 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]julesnoctambule, 2009-01-22 05:20 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mary_mac, 2009-01-22 06:12 pm UTC
(no subject) - tree, 2009-01-22 06:38 pm UTC
(no subject) - tree, 2009-01-22 06:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]also_not_a_pipe, 2009-01-22 09:18 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]julesnoctambule, 2009-01-22 09:23 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]witty, 2009-01-23 05:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]julesnoctambule, 2009-01-23 06:08 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bubosquared, 2009-01-23 10:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]julesnoctambule, 2009-01-23 04:49 pm UTC

[info]cygnia
2009-01-22 04:25 am UTC (link)
Stuff likes this makes me so glad my wedding was a quick civil ceremony at the courthouse. No bullshit involving guest lists or bridesmaid dresses or reception dinners.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]sisterelwood, 2009-01-22 05:31 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]florence_craye, 2009-01-22 10:22 pm UTC

[info]ichigatsu
2009-01-22 04:41 am UTC (link)
Huh, my friend was definitely less demanding when she asked me to be her bridesmaid. "Please get decent shoes so that you don't end up at the hospital like you did at our other friend's wedding" and "take my advice, dude, ELOPE. When it's your turn, ELOPE."

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]singe, 2009-01-22 05:07 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ichigatsu, 2009-01-22 05:18 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]singe, 2009-01-22 06:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mary_mac, 2009-01-22 11:43 am UTC

[info]the__ivorytower
2009-01-22 05:11 am UTC (link)
My boyfriend is terrified of what our wedding would become, because my grandmother would be involved. She loves weddings. LOVES them. She planned my mother's and my aunt's, and she's been hint-asking about when we're tying the knot.

My boyfriend claims he will hide in a corner, and simply wait to be prompted and directed. I plan to be right there with him. Plan B is waiting until we beat my uncle's dating record (10 years) and elope.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]soupspooks, 2009-01-23 04:14 am UTC

[info]doomsday
2009-01-22 05:13 am UTC (link)
She's not really a Bridezilla. I can tell because of the smileys ^_~ and *HUGS*

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]sevendeadlyfun, 2009-01-22 05:21 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]doomsday, 2009-01-22 05:29 am UTC

[info]sevendeadlyfun
2009-01-22 05:20 am UTC (link)
How the hell do you "demote" a bridesmaid? Does Simon from American Idol show up to excoriate her for her clear lack of fashion sense or her tragic inability to distinguish between paste and diamonds? Is there a ritual de-bouqueting in the manner of a Klingon discommendation?

I'm intensely curious now. Also grateful for my tattoo shop handfasting. Having a former Marine Corps sniper/Hell's Angel preside over your ceremony ensures everyone is on their best behavior.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]pocketfox, 2009-01-22 03:48 pm UTC

[info]kerryblaze
2009-01-22 05:22 am UTC (link)
I was asked to be a bridesmaid for a bride like that. I helped. I knew that was my "job," but the final straw was when she insisted that I wear contacts and not my glasses on the day of the wedding. At the time, it was painful for me to wear contacts. That's when I got the hell out of the wedding party and the friendship.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2009-01-22 06:20 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2009-01-22 06:52 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sparkysrevenge, 2009-01-23 04:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kerryblaze, 2009-01-23 04:22 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sparkysrevenge, 2009-01-23 04:43 pm UTC

[info]atalantapendrag
2009-01-22 05:23 am UTC (link)
Is it just me, or does the constant capitalization of "bride" make it read a little like a BDSM screed?

...now I'm imagining a Bride/bridesmaid scene and my head hurts.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]negativecosine, 2009-01-22 05:34 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]feenix, 2009-01-22 05:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]isa, 2009-01-22 07:28 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]isa, 2009-01-22 08:03 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]nursewretched, 2009-01-22 05:14 pm UTC
(no subject) - ealusaid, 2009-01-22 07:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ecchaniz0r, 2009-01-22 03:09 pm UTC

[info]sisterelwood
2009-01-22 05:29 am UTC (link)
My own wedding, was a good deal less than perfect, I sometimes call the reception “the disaster”, and I had to sadly “demote” one of my own Bridesmaids, so I know about worst case scenarios too, especially considering my husband was within 4 hours of death on our honeymoon.

How does one 'demote' a Bridesmaid after the ceremony? Seriously- I want to know this time-honored process. As for her husband- WAIT, WHAT? I'd be more broken up over, oh I dunno, my husband dying than some stupidity at the reception. Did I ever read that right? Is she saying her husband died on the honeymoon? I'll admit- I laughed when I found that to be in the same sentence as the bridesmaid thing (and listed second no less) but damn... that sucks.

As for being obsessed with weddings- methinks she needs to get out more. Also, I can't be the only one who kept on reading 'BM' and thinking, "Why are they talking about bowel movements?" before it finally sunk in it stood for 'bridesmaid.'

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]sisterelwood, 2009-01-22 05:39 am UTC
Something about food poisoning and a diabetic coma, I think - [info]scorpio20, 2009-01-22 06:16 am UTC
Re: Something about food poisoning and a diabetic coma, I think - [info]sisterelwood, 2009-01-22 06:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]jupiterpluvius, 2009-01-23 02:24 am UTC

[info]phosfate
2009-01-22 05:31 am UTC (link)
Feh. A really competent bride is capable of fucking up her wedding all on her own.

(Reply to this)


[info]demonbean
2009-01-22 05:41 am UTC (link)
I have read more wedding etiquette, general etiquette, wedding tradition, wedding magazine, wedding planning, advice columns, and other wedding related minutia than most brides ever see, and have participated in ceremonies of Christian, non-religious, Jewish, and Hindu traditions, and also make veils for my friends who are getting married. I’ve also helped decorated and do at least a small something in almost every wedding I’ve been to. So, I have a lot of experience with weddings. If it’s been done, I’ve probably at least read about it. It’s an obsession of mine (as I’m sure you’ve realized)

No matter what the etiquette dictates, being a histrionic bitch is not okay. That is all.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]singe, 2009-01-22 06:30 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]caito, 2009-01-22 08:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]jupiterpluvius, 2009-01-23 02:25 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kookaburra, 2009-01-22 10:56 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2009-01-22 05:48 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]catmoran, 2009-01-22 06:45 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kookaburra, 2009-01-22 07:33 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]rimrunner, 2009-01-23 04:12 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kookaburra, 2009-01-23 04:53 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bubosquared, 2009-01-23 10:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kijikun, 2009-01-23 09:42 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]watersword, 2009-01-24 04:10 pm UTC
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