(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

pantsgolem
2009-01-29 01:49 am UTC (link)

Here's my attempt at a full translation:

Butter is, as we already know, an animal product that is made of mainly¹ saturated, but also unsaturated fatty acids and water, as well as many vitamins and minerals.

So, heating² it in the microwave causes these fatty acids to break up and destroys the vitamins, and also removes water. The structure may not visibly change, but it loses its creamy consistency when you beat it, and your dessert won't be as fluffy as if you had used butter that had been left to warm to room temperature.

I'd like to show you a picture³, but unfortunately I can't find any right now.

The temperature may not seem that high, but put in a metal bowl⁴ by itself, and you won't be able to take it out without a cloth or glove to help you. Even after a short time warming, you've already caused too much dehydration, breakup of the polymer chains, modification of the enzymes, and destruction of the vitamins. So given that the melting temperature of butter is less than body temperature, you can figure out the rest for yourself⁵.

1: Looks like she left out the "t" in "hauptsächlich" so that part may trip up translation software.
2: She uses two words, "erhitzen" and "erwärmen", which both essenitally mean "to warm". I am unsure of the nuances between them.
3:

paladin interpreted "Bild" as "link", which makes more sense, but I'm not familiar with its use as such. Of course, I know basically nothing about Internet terminology in German.
4: NONONONONONONONONONONO
5: No you can't.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	pantsgolem 2009-01-29 01:53 am UTC (link)
	Re: 3, maybe she means a diagram, like of the molecules being pwned by the microwave or something. (Reply to this)(Parent)

kadath
2009-01-29 02:34 am UTC (link)

So, heating it in the microwave causes these fatty acids to break up and destroys the vitamins, and also removes water.

...

Even after a short time warming, you've already caused too much dehydration, breakup of the polymer chains, modification of the enzymes, and destruction of the vitamins.

1. No it fucking doesn't.

2. NO IT FUCKING DOESN'T!

I still want to know what she thinks happens in the goddamn conventional oven.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	dawnswalker 2009-01-29 03:15 am UTC (link)
	The oven is filled with helpful kitchen elves, who use alchemy to transform butter into delicious treats. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	tehrin 2009-01-29 05:03 am UTC (link)
	We're not supposed to remind Edward of his height, dawnswalker. Or of his new job as a slave to Kebler. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	rosehiptea 2009-01-29 05:40 am UTC (link)
	That cracked me up. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	insanityprelude 2009-01-30 03:25 am UTC (link)
	You are officially awesome. (Reply to this)(Parent)

paladin
2009-01-29 03:18 am UTC (link)

In conventional ovens, Maxwell's Demon gently raises the temperature of whatever it is you're baking while holding together the molecular formulas of fats and carbohydrates, as well as the tertiary structures of enzymes and other proteins, with it's tiny tiny claws. This raises the temperature of the system without actually increasing molecular vibrations or altering it in any way. Ovens: they're where the magic happens!

Also, "Bild" is picture, but that made no damn sense to me, so I translated it as link. Maybe she was going to image search ruined pastries, or look for some diagram explaining how microwaves magically denature butter? I've got nothing.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

	tehrin 2009-01-29 05:00 am UTC (link)
	All microwaves do is speed up the vibration of water molecules to cook food. True, it can alter the tastes of some foods but it's not like it causes such a drastic change. I still want to know what she thinks happens in the goddamn conventional oven. The Magic of Disney (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kadath 2009-01-29 05:16 am UTC (link)
	I'm over here ranting to my husband about "THAT IS NOT HOW DIELECTRIC HEATING WORKS" and "WHAT DOES SHE THINK THE ENTHALPY OF DISSOCIATION OF 'VITAMINS' IS, ANYWAY?" and he's all "that's nice, honey." This is the most worked up I've been about a wank, like, ever. :( (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	ariadne484 2009-01-29 06:08 am UTC (link)
	"WHAT DOES SHE THINK THE ENTHALPY OF DISSOCIATION OF 'VITAMINS' IS, ANYWAY?" I see you already have a husband, but will you marry me? I can cook, clean, and balance simple equations! (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	kadath 2009-01-29 06:26 pm UTC (link)
	Well, he's on my shit list for waking me up last night with a screaming nightmare that he doesn't remember happening, so I may be interviewing replacements in the near future. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	chibikaijuu 2009-01-30 01:43 am UTC (link)
	He sounds like my parents. I occasionally get very righteously shout about immense stupidity, and they basically tell me to STFU or ignore me entirely, which is just immensely unsatisfying. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	ashenmote 2009-01-29 03:43 am UTC (link)
	Awesome translation, thanks. 'erhitzen' is stronger than 'erwärmen', some actual cooking is implied and you can expect to burn your fingers on the result. With 'erwärmen', that is not mandatory. However, and that's why she mentions both, the dreaded microwave entropy is unleashed any time you turn your infernal machine on. (Reply to this)(Parent)

(Read comments) -