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Avocado ([info]white_serpent) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2009-04-17 16:05:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:authorwank, elitism, publishing, special snowflake syndrome

But why isn't your book selling?
It's all the fault of literary agents, who are single-handedly destroying literature everywhere!

Excerpt:

The substantial and nearly unassailable wall that separates you from us has been under construction for decades. You can find the names of its architects and gatekeepers on your telephone-callers list, and in your email in-box. They are the literary agents—that league of intellectual-property purveyors who bring you every new manuscript you ever see, those men and women who are so anxious to gain access to the caverns of treasure they believe you sit upon like some great golden goose that they would likely hack one another’s heads off were they not united by one self-serving mission: to ensure that quality fiction never hits your desk.

Just a tiny bit of entitlement, elitism, and self-delusion.

And some responses...


(Post a new comment)


[info]charmian
2009-04-18 12:10 am UTC (link)
Ahahaha, this is hilarious. It's been awhile since I've seen so much concentrated "baaaaaAAAAAAAWWWWW"

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]white_serpent
2009-04-18 12:16 am UTC (link)
And she just keeps going and going. Everything she has to say is clearly so important.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]charmian, 2009-04-18 12:18 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kalika_maxwell, 2009-04-18 02:41 am UTC

[info]cmdr_zoom
2009-04-18 01:36 am UTC (link)
"Why won't anyone buy my AH MAYYYZING BOOOOK? WHYYYYYYYY?"

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]ashenmote
2009-04-18 12:35 am UTC (link)
Nahan Bransford: But really, I’d like to know when and where the literary agent illuminati meets. I think I might be missing some meetings.

You only miss the meetings because you forget to wear your earpiece.

Courtney Milan: Actually, it’s because you’re all really the same person, many bodies, one mind, with precisely identical tastes.

See, she figured it out too.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]deliciouschaos
2009-04-18 03:40 am UTC (link)
Nathan Bransford is awesome.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]lady7jane
2009-04-18 10:21 am UTC (link)
I have an idea for a new and awesome television show. It will be called Law & Order: Literary Agents Unit

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-18 05:50 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]notarose, 2009-04-19 07:10 pm UTC

[info]platedlizard
2009-04-18 12:52 am UTC (link)
This made me giggle.

All of my speculative fiction centers on how software will behave. And I get published and paid for it.

Sadly, we call this tech writing.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]kosaginolegion
2009-04-18 03:20 am UTC (link)
Been there, did that.

Then I decided to admit it was all fiction and started writing about sentient A.I.s instead.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

(no subject) - [info]chibikaijuu, 2009-04-18 04:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]miraba, 2009-04-18 04:31 am UTC

[info]tehrin
2009-04-18 12:56 am UTC (link)
No. No. Those eggs you lay are not golden, but rotten, m'dear.

(Reply to this)


[info]orangecrush
2009-04-18 01:05 am UTC (link)
(...We have lost our self respect, I am afraid. We have learned to see ourselves as unworthy, stupid, and probably unclean. We’ve forgotten we’re the talent.)

Oh, wow, talk about baggage.

I can't even read this all the way through. AGENTS OWE SO MUCH TO RANDOM AUTHORS WHO HAVEN'T WRITTEN THEM BOOKS TO SELL, LET ME TELL YOU.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]orangecrush, 2009-04-18 01:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]tez, 2009-04-18 01:19 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]orangecrush, 2009-04-18 01:22 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kosaginolegion, 2009-04-18 03:21 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]feenix, 2009-04-18 05:34 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]persona, 2009-04-18 05:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]inarticulate, 2009-04-18 01:44 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]zara_zero, 2009-04-18 03:25 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]inarticulate, 2009-04-18 03:43 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]zara_zero, 2009-04-18 04:01 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]inarticulate, 2009-04-18 04:04 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]zara_zero, 2009-04-18 04:06 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]zara_zero, 2009-04-18 04:03 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]inarticulate, 2009-04-18 04:08 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]zara_zero, 2009-04-18 04:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]zara_zero, 2009-04-18 04:24 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2009-04-18 02:05 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladybirdsleeps, 2009-04-18 04:34 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]caito, 2009-04-18 07:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]napalmnacey, 2009-04-18 11:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]julian_black, 2009-04-18 11:59 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ecchaniz0r, 2009-04-19 12:32 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]singe, 2009-04-19 05:56 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]dragonfangirl, 2009-04-20 02:00 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]catmoran, 2009-04-20 02:47 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2009-04-18 02:35 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]dragonfangirl, 2009-04-20 02:01 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]white_serpent, 2009-04-21 08:12 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]dragonfangirl, 2009-04-22 01:19 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]visp, 2009-04-23 07:20 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bobafeis, 2009-04-18 07:33 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]eleutheria, 2009-04-19 12:32 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ecchaniz0r, 2009-04-18 02:37 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]issendai, 2009-04-19 03:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]jupiterpluvius, 2009-04-19 06:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]moonjaguar, 2009-04-19 12:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]tarash, 2009-04-19 01:37 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]moonjaguar, 2009-04-19 02:01 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]northen_light36, 2009-04-24 01:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]dragonfangirl, 2009-04-20 01:58 pm UTC

[info]the__ivorytower
2009-04-18 01:15 am UTC (link)
I cannot wait until some of the authors whose journals I watch see this, particularly ones who are good friends with their agents.

I'm not going to troll (that would be bad, yo), but they tend to see things on The Internets.

(Reply to this)


nam_jai
2009-04-18 01:35 am UTC (link)
I couldn't get through all the tl;dr, but my eyes lighted on this, which I can't help interpreting this as some poor agent's misguided, doomed attempt to be nice with a rejection:

“I’m sorry. We did receive your revised manuscript in August, and we appreciate how much work you must have done. Unfortunately I’ve been sick and had to go to Frankfurt for the Book Fair, and I just haven’t had time to look at it again. In fact, I’m so busy at the moment, I think I’m just going to have to say No. I can’t take on any more clients at the moment.”

I know, I've done the same sort of thing myself, as an editor, not an agent -- see, no matter who's doing the evaluating, rejections are going to happen, sorry. And sometimes rejections happen because, just in the pitch process, the writer comes off as way more high-maintenance than you know they'll ever be worth.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - nam_jai, 2009-04-18 01:55 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kosaginolegion, 2009-04-18 03:26 am UTC
(no subject) - nam_jai, 2009-04-18 04:05 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kosaginolegion, 2009-04-18 04:22 am UTC
(no subject) - nam_jai, 2009-04-18 04:44 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kosaginolegion, 2009-04-18 01:02 pm UTC

[info]shark
2009-04-18 04:01 am UTC (link)
Oh lit fic snobs. How I loathe them and their own intense brand of pretension.


I'll be over here with my genre trash enjoying life.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]platedlizard, 2009-04-18 05:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]eleutheria, 2009-04-19 12:34 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ruffwriter, 2009-04-18 11:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mmanurere, 2009-04-18 08:42 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mary_mac, 2009-04-19 12:00 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lady_ganesh, 2009-04-23 09:27 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mary_mac, 2009-04-23 09:32 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lady_ganesh, 2009-04-23 09:35 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]white_tean, 2009-04-19 11:01 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]miss_padfoot, 2009-04-19 11:03 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]issendai, 2009-04-19 05:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]frequentmouse, 2009-04-21 02:44 am UTC

[info]chibikaijuu
2009-04-18 04:08 am UTC (link)
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW


I tried to come up with a clever response, but it was like there was this giant, echoing BAW blocking all else.

(Reply to this)


[info]persona
2009-04-18 05:51 am UTC (link)
The only reaction I can bring forth from myself:

'Okay!'

(Reply to this)


[info]agilebrit
2009-04-18 05:55 am UTC (link)
As someone who just finished her first novel and is having hell's own time getting paid for my first major short fiction sale (a giant middle finger to Washington Mutual, who couldn't find their asses with both hands and a flashlight, WTF, an international wire transfer should be CAKE to a friggin' BANK, no wonder Chase had to buy you out before you went bankrupt), I have this to say:

Get over yourself, princess. I've written a bunch of characters I love beyond all reason in this thing, and I'm probably going to have to throw it up on my LJ as a freebie with a tip jar because it doesn't fit neatly into genres. (Seriously, the urban fantasy people are going to say "you got science in my werewolf fiction," the SF people are going to say "you got werewolves in my SF," and the medical thriller people are going to be saying "What the shit is this???") Suck it up, write another book, and deal. More writing, less whining.

Also--fifty rejections? Is that all? She's not trying very hard.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]greenling, 2009-04-18 06:06 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-18 06:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]spawn_of_kong, 2009-04-18 07:02 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]greenling, 2009-04-19 08:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-19 06:06 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kaesa, 2009-04-19 12:24 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-19 12:34 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kaesa, 2009-04-19 01:12 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2009-04-19 02:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kaesa, 2009-04-19 02:21 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2009-04-19 02:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kaesa, 2009-04-19 06:37 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2009-04-19 06:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]platedlizard, 2009-04-19 02:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kaesa, 2009-04-19 06:43 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]beckyh2112, 2009-04-20 08:57 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kaesa, 2009-04-20 09:44 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]beckyh2112, 2009-04-20 09:58 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kaesa, 2009-04-20 11:18 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]beckyh2112, 2009-04-20 11:28 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-19 06:11 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]notarose, 2009-04-19 07:12 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kaesa, 2009-04-19 08:50 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]negativecosine, 2009-04-19 04:32 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]singe, 2009-04-19 06:07 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-19 05:46 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]eleutheria, 2009-04-19 12:37 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-19 12:55 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2009-04-19 02:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-19 06:18 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2009-04-20 06:37 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-20 02:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2009-04-20 07:08 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-20 08:05 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladylauren, 2009-04-19 06:02 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]vzg, 2009-04-19 12:54 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-19 12:58 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]vzg, 2009-04-19 01:24 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-19 05:47 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]vzg, 2009-04-19 05:59 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]goddessleila, 2009-04-19 05:59 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]white_tean, 2009-04-19 10:50 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]miss_padfoot, 2009-04-19 11:09 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]white_tean, 2009-04-20 03:10 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-19 06:02 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]white_tean, 2009-04-20 03:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-20 04:52 pm UTC

[info]doyle
2009-04-18 11:40 am UTC (link)
I'm not going to troll the wank but looking at her first page on Authonomy? Man, she could use some concrit. If she's genuinely sending this out to professionals (and calling it literary fiction) I feel embarrassed for her.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]kosaginolegion, 2009-04-18 01:12 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]doyle, 2009-04-18 01:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kosaginolegion, 2009-04-18 01:37 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]pocketfox, 2009-04-18 04:17 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2009-04-18 04:27 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]caffeine_fairy, 2009-04-18 09:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]vzg, 2009-04-19 12:57 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]issendai, 2009-04-19 03:02 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]chibikaijuu, 2009-04-19 03:22 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]issendai, 2009-04-19 03:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]chibikaijuu, 2009-04-19 03:20 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]willywanka, 2009-04-19 04:48 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]alleyprowler, 2009-04-19 07:17 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-20 02:39 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]alleyprowler, 2009-04-20 04:25 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-20 02:33 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lady_ganesh, 2009-04-23 09:37 pm UTC

[info]llama_treats
2009-04-18 01:40 pm UTC (link)
She and Barbara Bauer should get together.

(Reply to this)


[info]agilebrit
2009-04-18 06:14 pm UTC (link)
Wait a minute...

Is she pitching this thing to agents already? Because, first of all, it's less than 21,000 words, which is novella territory and barely halfway to novel-length. Secondly, it's listed as "incomplete." So, if she's pitching a book that's not done yet to agents, that's kind of the epitome of Doing It Wrong.

Someone needs to sell this woman a clue. Also, badly-written book is badly-written. Less telling, more showing, plz. And present tense? No. Some writers can pull it off. She's not one of them.

*reads further* Omigawd:

It has reached the point where Rita wears the same clothes almost every time she leaves the house now, even though she detests the idea that her mother is still influencing what she wears--and even though when Elvie made the comment, Rita weighed almost fifteen pounds less than she does right now (okay, maybe twenty) so the whole ensemble is getting a little snug as well as a little worn, and even though Elvie said what she did only in the context of trying to persuade Rita to apply for some job that Elvie had decide would help Rita assert her independence, so it probably meant nothing in the first place.

DUDES. I can haz full stop, plz? I mean, okay, I've got one character who is the King of Run-On Sentences, because his brain goes a bazillion miles an hour and he never met a period he liked, but damn. I don't usually do that in the narrative unless I'm deep into POV. She's not doing that here, she's just got a 112-word sentence for no apparent reason.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]fishies, 2009-04-18 10:20 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-19 11:20 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kosaginolegion, 2009-04-18 10:44 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tarash, 2009-04-18 11:53 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]vzg, 2009-04-19 12:59 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2009-04-19 02:25 am UTC

[info]out_bottle
2009-04-18 06:56 pm UTC (link)
In particular, I suspect one major impediment to glory is never writing anything in the way of fiction and also never submitting it anywhere.

Bad news for Lady Sybllia!

(Reply to this)


[info]mooncalf
2009-04-18 09:18 pm UTC (link)
Someone has never read Miss Snark's blog archives and needs to. Badly. From beginning to end. Oh, Miss Snark, we miss you!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]vzg, 2009-04-19 01:00 am UTC

[info]issendai
2009-04-19 03:19 am UTC (link)
Oh lord, it's not a random flipout. Her next post is almost as bad.

Honey. Sweetie. Darling. Child. Your choice of hobby does not make you special. Put your big-girl panties on, cut out the raging unprofessionalism, and get some therapy for your raging issues. And until you've done that, shut the fuck up. You're making the rest of us writers look bad.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]white_serpent, 2009-04-19 03:26 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]issendai, 2009-04-19 03:35 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]singe, 2009-04-19 06:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kaesa, 2009-04-19 07:02 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]issendai, 2009-04-19 07:25 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kaesa, 2009-04-19 07:44 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]julian_black, 2009-04-19 08:44 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]julian_black, 2009-04-19 08:47 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]wallflower, 2009-04-19 09:12 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2009-04-19 04:42 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]jupiterpluvius, 2009-04-19 06:28 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]snarkhunter, 2009-04-22 07:58 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tofuknight, 2009-04-19 03:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]the_emo_kitty, 2009-04-20 03:45 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]moonjaguar, 2009-04-19 07:45 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2009-04-20 02:50 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]heddychaa, 2009-04-21 06:18 pm UTC

[info]singe
2009-04-19 06:20 am UTC (link)
I couldn't read any of her writing without falling into a stupor. I do feel for her, though. Rejection after rejection will wear a person down (/bitter) so she's entitled to a good SNAP!

(Reply to this)


[info]brennalarose
2009-04-20 02:33 am UTC (link)
The BAWWWW is strong with this one...

Am I some kind of mental mutant who can get over a rejection note? Yes, you love your story. Well done, you can has a bloody cookie. But, maybe the agent/editor actually knows what they're talking about. Scary thought, I know.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-20 02:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2009-04-20 03:13 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-20 03:31 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2009-04-20 04:55 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2009-04-20 04:57 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-20 05:11 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2009-04-20 06:40 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]agilebrit, 2009-04-20 07:40 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]brennalarose, 2009-04-20 07:57 pm UTC

[info]white_tean
2009-04-20 03:04 pm UTC (link)
Oh Russel's Celestial Teapot, what a special snowflake we have here.

Quite aside from the public ridicule, we have been belittled by agents personally, by phone (“Tell me about that other book you mentioned in your query. Keep in mind that I don’t want to hear your life story”)

I can't even how imagine someone asking for brevity in a pitch gets interpreted as belittlement, but this woman's probably cut by the implication that the agent wouldn't be interested in her autobiography.

I have to say though, my favourite quote?
Occasionally, especially in groups, these snakes slither off their horses and coil up together in the grass, pour themselves a scotch, and forget to even attempt to conceal their contempt for writers.

Funny thing is that quote is actually kind of funny, but it's still so drenched in BAWWWWWW that even the best imagery she's created is un-salvageable.

(Reply to this)


 
   
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