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Avocado ([info]white_serpent) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2009-04-17 16:05:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:authorwank, elitism, publishing, special snowflake syndrome

But why isn't your book selling?
It's all the fault of literary agents, who are single-handedly destroying literature everywhere!

Excerpt:

The substantial and nearly unassailable wall that separates you from us has been under construction for decades. You can find the names of its architects and gatekeepers on your telephone-callers list, and in your email in-box. They are the literary agents—that league of intellectual-property purveyors who bring you every new manuscript you ever see, those men and women who are so anxious to gain access to the caverns of treasure they believe you sit upon like some great golden goose that they would likely hack one another’s heads off were they not united by one self-serving mission: to ensure that quality fiction never hits your desk.

Just a tiny bit of entitlement, elitism, and self-delusion.

And some responses...


(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]issendai
2009-04-19 03:19 am UTC (link)
Oh lord, it's not a random flipout. Her next post is almost as bad.

Honey. Sweetie. Darling. Child. Your choice of hobby does not make you special. Put your big-girl panties on, cut out the raging unprofessionalism, and get some therapy for your raging issues. And until you've done that, shut the fuck up. You're making the rest of us writers look bad.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]white_serpent
2009-04-19 03:26 am UTC (link)
Yes, but that one's clearly also an attempt at humor. If only the humor stood a fighting chance against the issues.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]issendai
2009-04-19 03:35 am UTC (link)
The humor only makes it worse. It's the same kind of soggy humor you find in glurge, where the author cracks sexist jokes and thinks the humor excuses the fact that she believes everything she says and is asking you to believe it, too.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]singe
2009-04-19 06:15 am UTC (link)
Teal deer. Christola, next to melatonin and Lunesta her writing is an insomniac's greatest hope.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]kaesa
2009-04-19 07:02 am UTC (link)
The first suspicion that a writer may be present in a workplace frequently occurs when on several successive occasions such individuals leap to their feet in the middle of meetings or other business-related events and rush off to the washrooms with expressions that suggest they have been possessed by either elves or demons.

I didn't know plotbunnies gave other people the runs. D:

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]issendai
2009-04-19 07:25 am UTC (link)
I didn't know elves could possess people. This wank has been educational. Elves: plotbunny-like, possess people, cause diarrhea.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]kaesa
2009-04-19 07:44 am UTC (link)
I thought it might be like in Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, where the fairies literally take possession of people whenever, so they can invite them to pretty, evil parties.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]julian_black
2009-04-19 08:44 am UTC (link)
Since time began,

I can hear my former history prof heave a sigh of disgust and say, "Never, ever use the phrase 'since time began' if you want to be taken seriously. It's stupid and trite."

...writers have been trying to pass themselves off to their employers as normal human beings with little more than families, hobbies and the occasional domestic crisis or vacation to distract them from their devotion to their work.

Well, we know what she thinks of the common rabble the grubby peons she must endure so-called "normal" people, don't we?

In truth, these driven and beleaguered souls are worn nearly ragged in their attempts to support themselves and their children (and any long-suffering spouses who may still be around) while at the same time bowing to an all-consuming drive — ignored only at their peril — to create drama, poetry and prose. Their pitiful efforts to balance artistic passion with the need to earn a living leads to an emotional disintegration that is characterized by the range of pathologic manifestations of guilt, panic and despair—punctuated by brief and unfortunately unsustainable moments of elation.

Snowflake, there are medications that might be of great help help you. Look into them.

I'm an artist and a writer, which can be like a fully-loaded double-barreled shotgun of crazy. But if anyone sees me slumping wilted in a corner, exhausted from the intensity of my own passion for creation, demoralized at having to live and work among the mundane, unimaginative "normal" people who are satisfied with their dreary, soul-killing day jobs--just fucking shoot me, okay?

NOT ALL CREATIVE PEOPLE ARE SELF-ABSORBED FRUITBATS LIKE YOU. ARRRGH.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]julian_black
2009-04-19 08:47 am UTC (link)
*help to you, even.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]wallflower
2009-04-19 09:12 am UTC (link)
Since time began,

I can hear my former history prof heave a sigh of disgust and say, "Never, ever use the phrase 'since time began' if you want to be taken seriously. It's stupid and trite."


I remember my freshman year English professor telling us, "If you ever turn in a paper that begins with a phrase like that, your instructor's immediate reaction is going to be, 'Oh great, vague crap!'"

She was awesome.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]seiberwing
2009-04-19 04:42 pm UTC (link)
That one and "throughout history". My American History teacher basically said he'd take fifty points off any paper that started that way.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]jupiterpluvius
2009-04-19 06:28 pm UTC (link)
I used to hand out a list of phrases for students to avoid, including "since time began" and "in today's fast-paced society" and "a wise man once said."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]snarkhunter
2009-04-22 07:58 pm UTC (link)
I clearly need to do this.

Also to be avoided: "from the beginning of recorded/human history."

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]tofuknight
2009-04-19 03:29 pm UTC (link)
I'm willing to bet a pan-full of fresh brownies that she's one of those writers who also thinks that if she got therapy or psychiatric help she'd lose her muse.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]the_emo_kitty
2009-04-20 03:45 pm UTC (link)
Since time began,

I can hear my former history prof heave a sigh of disgust and say, "Never, ever use the phrase 'since time began' if you want to be taken seriously. It's stupid and trite."


Man, this reminds me of a convo with one of my ethics professors, in which I was scoping out how he preferred our essays to be written. I innocently asked about introductions.

After a moment in which he looked deeply pained, he pressed one hand to his chest and intoned in an overly-dramatic voice, "Ever since the dawn of time, man has longed to control hand guns." Then he grinned and told me if he saw anything even vaguely resembling that, I'd fail the course completely.

He was odd, but awesome.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]moonjaguar
2009-04-19 07:45 pm UTC (link)
She doesn't need therapy, she needs a pot of Real Life Coffee.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]brennalarose
2009-04-20 02:50 am UTC (link)
Wait, wait, so...

Being able to dress myself to the occasion and act like a decent human makes me less of a writer?

Writers are human, mo'cushla. I accept that you may have issues with all the social graces you insist a writer lacks. That's fine! That's you! Don't tar all writers with the same damn brush, we've no idea where it's been!

*/wank*
*mops up after self*

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]heddychaa
2009-04-21 06:18 pm UTC (link)
Writers can't dress themselves? What the flying fuck is that supposed to mean? I'm so consumed by my ~*~muse~*~ that I can't walk into the GAP and buy a damn shirt? That I'm too busy living in my fantasy world to take care of my appearance and make sure that I look professional? HURP DE DURP DE DURP DE DURP????

::goes downstairs to burn her closet of professional clothing. . .heads out to buy a pair of crocs and a tie-dye t-shirt with a wolf on it::

(Reply to this)(Parent)


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