Adult Novelty Wank
This small wank involves male anatomy... and bibs! Under a cut as it may be a bit NSFW.

I first learned of CockBibs while reading Jezebel, which featured a post called CockBibs: Keys To Not Getting A Blow Job, about a new adult novelty intended for easy clean up for men after oral sex.

Says Jezebel:

The slogans on the CockBibs are so stupid, and the mental image of dangling a piece of cloth off an erect penis is so ridiculous, that it's impossible to imagine that they could ever be truly utilized, because most women who came face to face with such a thing would either laugh too much to actually suck a dick, or be completely turned off by the dork attached to it.

Supposedly, the inventor was inspired to create the CockBib after being a "victim of another sloppy blow job," causing Jezebel editor Tracie to quip, "If they're going to be babies about it, a bib is fitting."

Of course, the inventor of the CockBib ~~accepts these criticisms in stride and behaves graciously as he continues to market his product~~ emails Jezebel a whiny screed that concludes with

I Do have to thank you guys though because you have inspired a new CockBib and that CockBib shall read... " Jezebels Need Only Apply!"! Maybe then you guys will lighten up and stop slamming CockBibs.

On a side note, someone from the magical land of CockBibs tried to hassle Amanda Hess on The Washington City Paper's blog, where she'd written a post called The Five Most Inappropriate Cock Bib Phrases. In an email to Jezebel, Hess said that someone with the same IP address started posting comments with multiple handles. The comments began as lame PR ("I would buy 1 lol!") but got personal when the poster started using "Amanda Hess" as a handle:

Oh I am such a purde that I just had to make my point by going out of my way to distinguish myself from myself simply because I have have nothing better to do than to try to out smart other people in a feibel attempt feel better about my self.

As you can see I have a lot of time on my hands while waiting for my CockBib to arrive so I guess I will just keep makinging myself look desperate, boring and foolish!

Jezebel commenters bring things like "earth logic" into the conversation (and even get a little Spartacus-y about Amanda Hess), and we all know that never goes down well with wankers - er, I mean sloppy beej recipients. The CockBib baby emailed Jezebel again, making even less sense than the time before:

What is this shit? I created the CockBib.... and this is the mutherfucking thanks I get?

It was my understanding that feminist were supposed to to have some level of intelligence, and if not that at least some common sense. I not at all surprised at your readers comments which broadly displays their lack of self respect and decency.

About Jezebel commenters, he says:

I have never seen such unladylike like behavior in my life. They sound like a bunch of dirty mouth male bashing whores running to jump on the "I'm gonna hate CockBibs because she said she hates Cockbibs" bandwagon! I don't give a fuck what your degenrate readers (the ones who made those nasty comments) think about my product.

He even goes on to address the readers, even calling a few name by name for personalized fuck you's.

Mysteriously, Urban Dictionary now defines a cockbib as "a person who whines excessively about a common, everyday occurrence that the vast majority of people have no trouble handling or do not even recognize as a problem."

ETA: Amanda Hess apparently sought out the illustrious inventor of CockBibs for a brief and illuminating interview.

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	pastri_archy 2009-05-25 06:57 am UTC (link)
	The UD definition is win. (Reply to this)(Thread)