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tetradecimal (tetradecimal) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2009-10-22 13:06:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Your bushes look like stupid lollipops
If you need to borrow money from your neighbor but didn't get along with him too well, would you:
(a) Catch him on the street and ask him politely if he'd lend you a few bucks
(b) Knock on his door with a nice big slice of pie
(c) Tear out a sheet from your notepad and write a rambling, incoherent note to him in which you call him a whore and insult his shrubbery?

Link to the original note!

A transcript:

Carl

You make me sick. Your fancy house all that driveway, wowwy so long. Vacation wherever you want. Your bushes look like stupid lollipops, who does that anymore other than spoiled jerks with no taste.

I thought we were friends, when I had a job, right? I asked you to lend me money you said no. I was drinking, so what. I wasn't using so much drugs anymore. So what I had tires on my yard whats wrong with that? Those girls weren't hookers, they were friends much better friends than you, you're just a whore, a male whore. A more.

I can't stand you. You make sick.

Please I still need the money. Will you lend it to me? I will remove the tires, also the dishwasher.

Your friend friend
Steve


(Post a new comment)


[info]snacky
2009-10-22 06:27 pm UTC (link)
Best loan application ever.

(Reply to this)


[info]brennalarose
2009-10-22 06:31 pm UTC (link)
Wow... The batshit is strong in this one.

(Reply to this)


[info]sneer
2009-10-22 06:59 pm UTC (link)
, you're just a whore, a male whore. A more.

*dies*

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]blue_penguin
2009-10-22 07:47 pm UTC (link)
That was my favorite part too.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]microclimate
2009-10-22 08:18 pm UTC (link)
lmao

(Reply to this)(Parent)

(no subject) - [info]mister_terrific, 2009-10-22 08:23 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]magnolia_mama, 2009-10-22 08:38 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]imp, 2009-10-22 08:59 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ahiru, 2009-10-22 09:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]galateus, 2009-10-22 11:16 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]coffeebun, 2009-10-23 06:23 am UTC

[info]alya1989262
2009-10-22 07:05 pm UTC (link)
I would love to see this guy applying for a job.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]theelusiven, 2009-10-22 07:24 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]librarianmouse, 2009-10-22 08:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]theelusiven, 2009-10-22 08:23 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]littleshebear, 2009-10-22 09:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sneer, 2009-10-22 08:55 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]virgo, 2009-10-22 09:36 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]dragonfangirl, 2009-10-23 03:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]vzg, 2009-10-23 05:22 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]re_weird, 2009-10-27 05:30 am UTC

[info]persephonea
2009-10-22 07:25 pm UTC (link)
...ahahahahahahaaaa :D

(Reply to this)


[info]harrylovesron
2009-10-22 07:41 pm UTC (link)
Your bushes look like stupid lollipops

I am SO using that as an insult now. YOU STUPID LOLLIPOP!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]librarianmouse, 2009-10-22 08:21 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sneer, 2009-10-22 08:24 pm UTC

[info]tofuknight
2009-10-22 07:56 pm UTC (link)
Wow, that's some serious what the fuck action right there!

(Reply to this)


[info]madam_marozi
2009-10-22 08:15 pm UTC (link)
But did he get the money?

(Reply to this)


[info]feenix
2009-10-22 08:19 pm UTC (link)
Okay, I'll be the first to say it:

Shouldn't this go in [info]unfunnybusiness?

...I'm sorry. I'll be leaving now.

The drugs are strong with this one, though. And with regards to handwriting - mine changes quite a bit sometimes. Namely, how open I leave a's and g's/q's, but even with degree of tilt (I normally lean left a fair bit, but the angle will change and sometimes even go slightly right for a few letters if I'm in a rush).

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]librarianmouse, 2009-10-22 08:22 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]theelusiven, 2009-10-22 08:24 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]madam_marozi, 2009-10-22 08:40 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]white_tean, 2009-10-23 12:53 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]duende, 2009-10-22 10:34 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]stella_polaris, 2009-10-22 08:53 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]electricwitch, 2009-10-23 03:53 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]electricwitch, 2009-10-23 03:55 pm UTC

[info]erinny
2009-10-22 08:46 pm UTC (link)
Now I'm wondering where this dishwasher is...

(Reply to this)


[info]ram
2009-10-22 09:04 pm UTC (link)
WOWWY!

(Reply to this)


[info]duende
2009-10-22 10:53 pm UTC (link)
This note actually reminds me of HOWL.


ah, Carl, while you are not safe I am not safe, and
now you're really in the total animal soup of
time
and who therefore ran through the icy streets obsessed
with a sudden flash of the alchemy of the use
of the ellipse the catalog the meter & the vibrat-
ing plane,
who dreamt and made incarnate gaps in Time & Space
through images juxtaposed, and trapped the
archangel of the soul between 2 visual images
and joined the elemental verbs and set the noun
and dash of consciousness together jumping
with sensation of Pater Omnipotens Aeterna
Deus
to recreate the syntax and measure of poor human
prose and stand before you speechless and intel-
ligent and shaking with shame, rejected yet con-
fessing out the soul to conform to the rhythm
of thought in his naked and endless head,
the madman bum and angel beat in Time, unknown,
yet putting down here what might be left to say
in time come after death,
and rose reincarnate in the ghostly clothes of jazz in
the goldhorn shadow of the band and blew the
suffering of America's naked mind for love into
an eli eli lamma lamma sabacthani saxophone
cry that shivered the cities down to the last radio
with the absolute heart of the poem of life butchered
out of their own bodies good to eat a thousand
years.
and by the way, Carl, you chicken shit
I will sacrifice those lawn decorations, let them be
martyred on your behalf, you fucking Caiaphas of
the dishwasher which is an heirloom you know,
and I will crucify those tires if you will lend me
the dough.
Love and kisses, Steve

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]dragonfangirl, 2009-10-23 12:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]theelusiven, 2009-10-23 01:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]duende, 2009-10-23 04:31 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]wankaholic, 2009-10-23 06:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]theelusiven, 2009-10-23 06:19 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]rachelmap, 2009-10-23 06:34 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]atropos_lee, 2009-10-23 12:05 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lady_ganesh, 2009-10-23 03:32 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]wankismyfandom, 2009-10-23 07:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bienegold, 2009-10-23 12:05 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bigbigtruck, 2009-10-23 03:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]deadrose, 2009-10-25 04:10 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]chibikaijuu, 2009-10-27 05:43 am UTC

[info]jkefka
2009-10-22 10:54 pm UTC (link)
You know, it would probably have been more effective to write "I need money for booze and hookers."

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]tofuknight, 2009-10-22 11:07 pm UTC

[info]poisonyoulove
2009-10-22 11:23 pm UTC (link)
So what I had tires on my yard whats wrong with that?

Your tires look like stupid black lollipops, that's what!

(Reply to this)


[info]agent_hyatt
2009-10-22 11:52 pm UTC (link)
I wasn't using so much drugs anymore.

Yeah... that note isn't doing that statement any favors.

(Reply to this)


[info]sisterelwood
2009-10-23 01:50 am UTC (link)
Those girls weren't hookers, they were friends much better friends than you, you're just a whore, a male whore. A more.

....

I need to find ways to use that insult. Also, this note is even more fun to read if you imagine it in Bender's voice.

...with blackjack and hookers!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]chibikaijuu, 2009-10-27 05:44 am UTC

[info]spawn_of_kong
2009-10-23 04:19 am UTC (link)
You make sick.

He makes sick, does he? We shall have to find out more about the production of this item known as sick... for science!!!

(Reply to this)


[info]spawn_of_kong
2009-10-23 04:21 am UTC (link)
Also, the whole concept of the note is hilarious. "Dear Sir, YOU SUCK. Now could you please give me money? Pretty please?"

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]tachikoma01, 2009-10-23 05:20 pm UTC

[info]pokecheck
2009-10-23 05:57 am UTC (link)
I like "also the dishwasher" soooooo much better than "his wife? A horse."

(Reply to this)


[info]tachikoma01
2009-10-23 05:18 pm UTC (link)
If only he knew how to use email, could have made it on "emails from crazy people."

(Reply to this)


[info]cmdr_zoom
2009-10-23 05:32 pm UTC (link)
I'm trying to remember the TV Tropes entry I saw (no links, don't worry) that includes a mention of The Young Ones helping one of their number write a letter to his banker, whom he alternately curses and begs for more money.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]littlest_lurker, 2009-10-23 10:02 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]cmdr_zoom, 2009-10-24 12:26 am UTC

[info]gusty
2009-10-23 08:05 pm UTC (link)
All I could think of was: "But stupid lollipops need the most attention!"

(Reply to this)


[info]snarkhunter
2009-10-24 02:37 am UTC (link)
I feel the need to end all promises and lists now with, "And also the dishwasher."

It's so delightfully Dada.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]tofuknight, 2009-10-26 05:56 pm UTC

 
   
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