Current mood:	accomplished
Current music:	The Format -- 'Dog Problems'

NaNo: not just for wordsmushing any more!
(As an aside before I begin, marienbadmylove has been AWOL since November 1st. Either he picked up his someone else's ball and went home, or he's finally collapsed under the weight of his ego. Just thought you'd like to know.)

So, there's a new troll on the NaNo block, specifically in the Saskatoon (and sometimes Melbourne) regional forum.


Was it with his paranoid post about vanishing posts?

AlanHolman: Has anyone else noticed their posts vanishing? This is the second time one of my posts got deleted. The first one took an hour to write, and so whomever deleted it owes me $10 for that hour of work.

Unsurprisingly, nobody steps up to offer him the $10. Moderator Dragonchilde pops in to explain that Municipal Liaisons can't delete posts, and nobody else had deleted it; perhaps the site has eaten it due to the somewhat erratic stability of the forums during the last week of October/first week of November. This is not good enough for Our Hero:

AlanHolman: Regardless of what was said here, I'm quite convinced that Janna deleted both of them because she wants to censor expressions of my anti-allopathic beliefs.

Bwuh?

The post just gets better batshittier from there. He dances around any specific mention of what topic he's so passionate about that Saskatoon ML karalianne (Janna) is allegedly 'censoring', but I'll spoil it for you: he's convinced that there's a link between vaccinations and autism. In fact, his sig used to link to a site about it instead of the site about the evils of the swine flu vaccine, and his bio had another link.

ML karalianne apologises for referring to his beliefs as 'crazy' and 'flaky' (because clearly the proper term is 'total nutbar batshittery'). Moderator Dragonchilde reiterates that MLs cannot delete posts, and locks the thread.

Peace? Hardly. He starts a new thread about censorship, which is promptly locked because it calls Janna out on stuff she said in the other locked thread. I'll include a couple of snippets here because they are true gems of WTF.

AlanHolman: JANNA SED: "Everything else you have written here is personal and does not belong on the public forum."

I have no personal business of any sort with you. Disagreements aren't personal. Disagreements spawn debates which enlighten anyone lucky enough to hear. Debating on any subject in private is rude to all surrounding minds who can listen and grow their own wisdom on the subject.

JANNA SED: "I refuse to attempt to discuss such things with you"

What a waste of a perfectly healthy disagreement.

I'm not entirely certain where his wisdom comes in, but he sure likes the sound of his own voice, because as soon as this thread is locked, he creates a new one. It gets no responses in the first 22 hours, so he writes a reply to himself, pretending to be someone else. This also gets no responses, unsurprisingly enough.



Undissuaded by everyone ignoring his batshittery, he pops into the region war poll thread to cast his vote for Saskatoon to challenge Bend, Oregon: a region of (at the time) 11 Wrimos and no ML. Apparently he has a friend there. Voting goes on, three regions with most votes get challenged and accept, fourth region with most votes declines, and Janna sends out challenges to the MLs of the remaining one-vote regions: whoever replies first will get added to the challenge, since there are four slots on the region war widget. This is where I come in, but I promise this doesn't mean i_wank.

Janna starts up the Saskatoon vs Melbourne region war thread, which is visible in both the Saskatoon and Melbourne region forums. Lalala, threats of drop bears, bunnies, gauntlets being flung. James pops in to talk about the region war awards, which sound intriguing. Then the troll crawls out from under his bridge and proceeds to piss in everyone's oatmeal.

AlanHolman: There was only one vote for Melbourne. I voted for a Bend, Oregon, because I know a writer who's there. Everyone is an equal portion of awareness operating a body to interface with the world, so if you're going to disrespect everyone else's votes by subverting the whole process of voting by challenging Melbourne based on only one vote, then you're being completely unfair to everyone else who placed any votes for locations which have not been issued challenges. Either drop the challenge with Melbourne, or issue challenges with every location which got any votes at all -- those are the only options for making this fair. Why should one vote placed for Melbourne result in a challenge, if one vote placed for Bend didn't result in a challenge? There is no good excuse.

Thread screeches to a halt.

wonderdog: huh?
AlanHolman: I know there are some pretty big sentences in there, but the concept is simple. I have faith that you'll be able to figure it out.
LadyLovelace: I have no doubt that anyone understands what you're saying, but why are you telling us?
wonderdog: Yeah, I'm with LadyLovelace. I does reed english heeps good and stuff, mmkay? But why the hell post here and tell us?
AlanHolman: The statement covered the "why."
wonderdog: There was only one vote for Melbourne....

.. but it was an EFFING AWESOME SUPER POWEREDD FANTASTIC VOTE! So, like, it kicks your vote any day of the week.

... you don't get out much, do you.

Me: *vain attempt to explain that Melbourne got picked based not on this one vote thing, but on the basis of being first ML to respond to the challenge, which wasn't hard considering Bend doesn't HAVE an ML. Reminder to all concerned that the taunting is meant to be friendly; request that people knock off the nastiness so I don't have to lock the thread*

AlanHolman: Locking threads is always censorship, thus ebil, especially when even one person feels a burning desire to say more in the thread. Contacting the MLs of places that got one vote is disrespectful to the people who voted for places that got two or more votes.

Me: *headdesks. Explains concept again. He seems to get it, because his next post is:*

AlanHolman: OMG, you folks are from Melbourne Australia <3

My favorite author David Icke did a show in the Melbourne Convention Center earlier this year, on April 11th. I have a DVD of that show =)

Were any of you folks in attendance at that show?

Melbourne Wrimos in general: WTF.
AlanHolman: *craps on for 470 words about David Icke's show about how reptilian aliens interbred with humans and how every royal family has this alien blood, plus a bunch of other families*
Melbourne Wrimos in general: WTF. Also, his ideas are fruit-loops.
AlanHolman: Icke's ideas did not include Fruit Loops; he would have been sued by the corporation Kellogg's -- plus another 330 words about Icke, including this -- I gradually learned enough prerequisite information to realize that Icke is more well-informed than 99% of the population of the planet.

Then, FluffySilver rescues the thread by posting her support for me: GO LAUREN. WOO!. Despite the fact that she's from Sydney (Melbourne's other rivals) and not Melbourne, this steers the topic back on track, albeit temporarily.

karalianne: I would like to take a moment to point out that people are free to believe whatever they want to believe, as long as they don't try to force those beliefs upon others.

I would also like to request that people refrain from diagnosing others with disorders over the internet. Not only are you probably not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, it would be unethical for a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist to diagnose anyone with anything without first meeting them in person and running some diagnostic tests.

enomis: I don't agree..often it's blindingly obvious when someone has a mental illness (having one myself).

AlanHolman: Between lifetimes, you equip yourself with the tools you'll need to achieve the spiritual goals for which you're going into a body on earth to accomplish. You've gotta pull your way out of the culturally established system for a while and take a look at the bigger picture to see what you're here to contribute. Personally, I've learned that I'm here to facilitate the law of attraction's delivery of information to people who will be humbled by said information. I know that because a process that began for me with a personal trauma in November of 2006 ended with a complete unplugging of my mind from "The Matrix" in November of 2008. So now my favorite thing to do is to go into groups of people and learn where their mental boundaries are, and then try to push them onto the next mental plateau. When people learn the fractal nature of the universe and the connection between string theory, cymatics, and the law of attraction, you realize that because infinite love is the only truth, the universe is composed in such a way that people who mock things are eventually humbled to learn that what they mocked is true. This fact can facilitate a paradigm shift to a universe of conscious co-creation for mutual benefit, or we can remain arrogant about our own positions within hierarchical structures.

In other words, I respectfully share Enomis' disagreement with Karalianne's opinion.

238 words to say 'me too!'.

Thread drifts back on topic as threats of guinea pig plagues are unleashed.

enomis: It's been interesting watching this thread unfold and just silently observing. AlanHolman I just looked at your bio and you made reference to the relationship between autism and vaccination. This is a belief and interest of mine also. I have an autistic (non vaccine-damaged child). May I ask what your connection is?

Or not. They discuss it for a couple of posts. I ask for the thread to get back on-topic and it does. Until:

AlanHolman: I also disagree that that stuff is out of topic. I was expressing my interests and defending them. Why? Partly to share, and to invite others to share. Get to know each-other, n'stuff.

Bit more back and forth, with a couple of people on each side. LolitaJayneScarlet manages to return us to some semblance of order with I think too it's a potentially heated way to get to know each other - can't we just ask each other what our favourite ice-cream flavours are? Which by the way, I'm a plain old boring Vanilla, or Honeycomb, or Cookies n' Cream. Janna and I discover we are mint choc chip soulmates. AlanHolman claims his favourite is McDonald's vanilla soft serve, but really it's piss in oatmeal flavour.

AlanHolman: You call me off topic when I embrace language and ideas with thought provoking philosophies and debates. That IS the topic of writing and writers. You all are off-topic with your pointless jibber-jabber about trivialities. It's painful to see writers wasting themselves as you are. Of course, this is only directed to the people from Melbourne so that it falls within topic :)

(NB his original post was suppressed, but I'd quoted it to ask him to not be quite such a dick.)

And that was all he wrote. In that thread, at least. He probably made at least 1667 words of self-absorbed blather in that thread alone, but it just wasn't enough.



Back in the Saskatoon region forum, he posts I don't know how much nonsense in yet another new thread. I hit page down at least half a dozen times to scroll through it all. It is a mess of links to YouTube, Wikipedia, and various Conspiracy of the Week sites. The Lone Gunmen look like the epitome of rationality and sane theories next to this. He also replies to this thread with another post-ful of crap. He then replies to the thread again, requesting that it be deleted because he made an error in fact in the first post and can't edit it. Unsurprisingly, Janna is all too happy to do so, so unfortunately it's not available to link to.

Janna makes a thread to graph her Wrimos' progress. Mr. Pees-In-Oatmeal's response is this:

AlanHolman: "YiiHii, fun and games!" was the sound of my thoughts .... then it's just a graph :/

lol, j/k. I LOVE graphs! <3

This is that extra nerdy motivation I need! Okay, but don't include me until my word count surpasses everyone else's. I'll put in a good session tonight, and then I'll upload my word count. If my word count isn't the highest after tonight, don't include me. If I never surpass the fastest writer, don't include me. I think you get where I'm going with this.

Yes, Alan, we to get it. You used 88 words to say 'not me', which you didn't even really need to say, since you could've just not posted at all.

His last two contributions to the forum are 1) in this thread, where he posts a 544 word block o' text about David Icke, lizardmen, the orchestration of 9/11, and the Matrix; and 2) in this thread, where he posts... well. I just hope this code works, because this is to good not to share with its original formatting.

After two word wars, I wrote almost 650 words.

Despite the propaganda, quantity is NOT what matters. The social engineers created NaNoWriMo as a "book factory" to create a lot of fictional material that distracts us from the more relevant real issues. And these regional competitions are a way to make us see each-other as separate tribes rather than one humanity, aka "divide and conquer".

~*♥ We Are One Humanity!♥*~
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´.¸.•´ ¸.•*¨ Equality! ♥♥♥

Um. To echo wonderdog's earlier remark, 'huh?'


TL;DR: Bizarre troll is bizarre. Really, really bizarre.

Sadly (or not) this is AlanHolman's last contribution to NaNoWriMo, as he finally got banned for being a complete knobhead, amongst other things (such as repeated violations of the site rules and the code of conduct). He has threatened to come back under another name to carry on his posting. I respectfully suggest 'ArseHoleman'. It's an accurate description, after all.