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Cesare ([info]cesare) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2009-12-14 17:45:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
reviewer's of this ilk
Why should [info]fandom_wank have all the fun? This gem was reported on Dear Author, a romance novel review site, second story in the post.

The action takes place in the comments section on L. B. Taylor's customer review of Electra Galaxy's Mr. Interstellar Feller by Candace Sams. The review is titled "save your money" and concludes, "All over a sad excuse for romance, mystery, and humor. Save your money, you've been warned."

"Niteflyr One" comments on the review: "It looks like this reviewer has something personal against the author. Apparently, he/she doesn't know that most titles of this kind are written to please an editor these days and the editors are sometimes wrong in asking authors to re-write to 'their' specifications. But this review was more a diatribe on a comparison of 'other' stories the reader liked as opposed to reading the title and reviewing based on the new kind of work that it was meant to be."

Read it well, for these leitmotifs will recur for the next fifteen (and counting!) pages of comments: everyone who argues with Niteflyr has a grudge against her-- oh yeah, spoiler alert: Niteflyr is Candace Sams, the author, who'd have seen that coming-- personally and/or professionally; it's all the editor's fault for controlling the book down to the last micron; regardless of editorial tampering, though, people who don't like the book are just idiots.

As Niteflyr further puts it, "Even the lion has to defend himself against flies."

Another highlight comes when Courtney Milan comments, "I am an author--a debut author, no less--and let me assure you, I have control over the content of my book. Lots of it. Sometimes my editor will say, "This isn't working for me," and we'll figure out why and how to make it a better book. But I am the one doing the writing, always, NOT my editor. She edits, and does a darn good job of pushing me to write the best book possible, but I write it."

Niteflyr replies, "Good for you, Courtney...what New York publisher are you with?" and later, "Good for her...come back when she's published thirty novels like me and has done business with Dorchester". Apparently, the more novels you write, the more control the editors exert?

If you read this, get used to those repetitions and ellipses. There are lots of ellipses. And watch for other classic wank maneuvers you'll find along the way, including You're Just Jealous, You're All In On It, and The Lurkers Support Me In Email. Also keep an eye out for the glorious moment when she tells commenters they'd need Hooked On Phonics to be able to read her work.

One last treasure from Niteflyr: "Why not go after ST. Nick since you're all in such a festive mood." Hey, good idea. Has he written any shitty romance novels we can review?


(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]arionhunter
2009-12-15 05:15 am UTC (link)
The sheer amount of angst and self-justification at work from Sims is delicious.

"Dear readers...if you cannot find sequels to novels that you've loved or if publishing companies in this economy disappear or if authors' future works cannot be found...it might very well be because publishers, editors and agents visit these sights and read the reviews - yes even those given by angry malcontents - and these industry professionals weigh whether subsequent contracts should be offered to various authors."

Oh, don't worry, Ravenous Romance will never turn you down!

"They (the authors) hope that so-called reviewers (often shameful people who abuse the power Amazon provides) will not directly try to keep the author from making a living."

How, dear wankas, can an author still put food on her family? Will the tollbooth of the authors become too few?

"I'd liken their collective attitude to Gestapo tactics, but I don't think anyone who left comments on the list on behalf of Taylor would know what I was talking about, let alone be able to spell it."

And, five minutes to Godwin impact...

"For those of you who don't know...I was a police officer for almost ten years. I've been called things in languages from all over the world. Taylor and her webspinners hardly bother me."

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SWORN AT? IN SWAHILI?

"and I might be writing under six different aliases....you might not know who I really am at all......or how many titles there are out there that you've read and actually liked that belonged to me"

*cue spooky music*

"On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind. It becomes a pleasure."

She says as she stands triumphant above the rabble, orchestral music swelling in her wake.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]eleutheria
2009-12-15 06:37 am UTC (link)
"For those of you who don't know...I was a police officer for almost ten years. I've been called things in languages from all over the world. Taylor and her webspinners hardly bother me."

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SWORN AT? IN SWAHILI?


HAVE YOU SEEN A MASS GRAVE WHILE FIGHTING (AGAINST/WITH/BOTH) THE IRA?

This wank is awesome. It's like a little greatest hits reel!

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]karmyn75
2009-12-15 09:39 am UTC (link)
I've never been sworn at in Swahili, but I have been sworn at in Toddler. Quite an amusing experience. Not sure what she said, but it was not nice.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]ladyvyola
2009-12-15 03:04 pm UTC (link)
The mouth on some of these children!

I swear (ba dum pa!), I don't know whether to long for or fear the day of the Universal Translator....

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]clover_elf_kin
2009-12-17 01:18 am UTC (link)
Hee hee. My cat swore at me once; I couldn't quite translate either, but I was highly amused!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]yattara
2009-12-15 12:44 pm UTC (link)
"For those of you who don't know...I was a police officer for almost ten years. I've been called things in languages from all over the world. Taylor and her webspinners hardly bother me."

Then why are you here, if this is nothing compared to your previous job?

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]miss_eponine
2009-12-15 03:18 pm UTC (link)
"and I might be writing under six different aliases....you might not know who I really am at all......or how many titles there are out there that you've read and actually liked that belonged to me"

Oh noes! I liked a book!

Why would this even matter? Just because you like an author doesn't mean you enjoy everything they write, and disliking an author doesn't mean you can't occasionally enjoy something they write.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]librarianmouse
2009-12-15 05:17 pm UTC (link)
...often shameful people who abuse the power Amazon provides...

ALL BOW BEFORE THE POWER OF THE ONLINE BOOKSELLER!

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


tetradecimal
2009-12-15 06:07 pm UTC (link)
Google forgives, but Amazon provides.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]kijikun
2009-12-15 07:21 pm UTC (link)
So Google is Jesus and Amazon is Lucifer?

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]banesidhe
2009-12-16 02:54 am UTC (link)
Wait, so they were a police officer, but didn't know about internet crime before they started getting threats and can't determine if something IS or is NOT a crime and whether or not it is a felony?

Yeah...ok.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]mercorir
2009-12-17 11:19 am UTC (link)
"and I might be writing under six different aliases....you might not know who I really am at all......or how many titles there are out there that you've read and actually liked that belonged to me"
If only we'd stopped at those ones.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


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