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tetradecimal (tetradecimal) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2010-05-20 13:36:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:otf_wank's thoughts on showering, shower wank (not the fun kind)

If you like hot showers, YOU ARE A SNIVELING, WEAK WASTE OF SPACE
Jeffrey Wells is here to tell you that if you take showers that last more than three minutes, you might as well be a drug-addled addict hiding away and shivering in a cave somewhere, wishing only for sweet, sweet death the comforting warmth of your mother's womb.

"I was reminding myself this morning that it's a sign of weak character to take long showers. Anyone who does this is a soft sister -- a person looking to hide inside the warm amniotic fluid of his mother's womb, which is what a nice hot shower feels like. This realization goes back to when I was in my early 20s. If I happened to notice that a roommate or some guy or girl who was staying over was taking ten- or twelve-minute showers (or worse), I would instantly write them off.

Those who take extra-long hot showers are the same people who take extra-long breaks or lunches in order to get away from office drudgery, or who hide away inside an alcoholic or nicotine or drug cave. Your average enterprising, disciplined, hard-working types take four- or five-minute showers, at the longest. If you're really hard-core you've finished in less than three. No exceptions, no excuses -- either you get it or you don't."


ETA: Oh yeah, unrelated but relevant link.




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[info]usagivindaloo
2010-05-20 05:50 pm UTC (link)
WAT.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]birene, 2010-05-21 07:09 pm UTC

[info]phosfate
2010-05-20 05:55 pm UTC (link)
"Soft sister?" Really?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]snacky, 2010-05-20 06:33 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]phosfate, 2010-05-20 06:37 pm UTC

[info]kingdead
2010-05-20 05:55 pm UTC (link)
He sounds like the kind of winner who'd call you a whiny baby for not finishing that 3K on your broken ankle. Suck it up and run!

(Reply to this)


[info]cygnia
2010-05-20 05:58 pm UTC (link)
*gets out of much needed, allergy-easing 20 minute hot shower*
*reads this*

Well, cross this cockbib off the Christmas card list then (not that he was ever on it, of course).

(Reply to this)(Thread)

OT - [info]bienegold, 2010-05-20 11:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]frequentmouse, 2010-05-21 05:57 am UTC

[info]mochibuni
2010-05-20 05:59 pm UTC (link)
...since when is ten minutes long? I have a lot of hair and actually wash my body with more than just water, I need those ten minutes.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]lady_ganesh, 2010-05-20 06:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mochibuni, 2010-05-20 06:27 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lady_ganesh, 2010-05-20 06:33 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]cmdr_zoom, 2010-05-20 09:23 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]chaos_theory, 2010-05-21 11:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lindentreeisle, 2010-05-21 03:27 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]warchio, 2010-05-22 04:12 pm UTC

[info]sandglass
2010-05-20 06:03 pm UTC (link)
Same difference. If you take extra long baths, it's "Mommy, mommy, I feel safe and secure in here...can I stay longer?" You can't be afraid of or avoid the natural sting and chill of life. A strong attachment to feelings of liquid warmth and serenity in a bath or shower is definitely a womb trip thing, and being neurotically attached to prolonging or extending that experience as much as you can means you're a loser, plain and simple.

Maybe if he spent a little more time in the water he wouldn't get so upset by people getting clean?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]annathepiper, 2010-05-20 06:09 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]missdaisy, 2010-05-21 03:12 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]annathepiper, 2010-05-21 05:34 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mochibuni, 2010-05-20 06:28 pm UTC
(no subject) - tetradecimal, 2010-05-20 06:30 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ecchaniz0r, 2010-05-21 12:24 am UTC

[info]deliciouschaos
2010-05-20 06:03 pm UTC (link)
the warm amniotic fluid of his mother's womb, which is what a nice hot shower feels like

WHAT THE EVERLOVING HELL

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]deliciouschaos, 2010-05-20 06:06 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lady_ganesh, 2010-05-20 06:26 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]dragonfangirl, 2010-05-20 07:50 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]panthea, 2010-05-20 09:57 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sistercoyote, 2010-05-20 10:53 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kumquat_of_doom, 2010-05-23 06:11 pm UTC
Huh? - [info]esther_a, 2010-05-21 02:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]shark, 2010-05-21 02:47 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]warchio, 2010-05-22 03:51 pm UTC

[info]queencallipygos
2010-05-20 06:06 pm UTC (link)
I had a roommate who took long hot showers. However, she was taking long hot showers because that soothed her muscles after each of her Japanse iaido sword classes.

I think my roommate would be tremendously amused to hear that the study of a Japanese martial art was leaving her with "a weak character."

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]tehrin, 2010-05-20 06:34 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]come_love_sleep, 2010-05-21 12:07 am UTC
(no subject) - ariadne484, 2010-05-20 06:53 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]queencallipygos, 2010-05-20 07:01 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2010-05-21 09:20 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]queencallipygos, 2010-05-25 04:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2010-05-25 06:52 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]laerwen, 2010-05-20 10:11 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]finchbird, 2010-05-20 11:57 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]seca, 2010-05-21 03:43 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cereta, 2010-05-21 03:28 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]queencallipygos, 2010-05-25 04:44 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]amy_wolf, 2010-05-23 08:11 am UTC

[info]beccastareyes
2010-05-20 06:07 pm UTC (link)
You know, most women I know take longer showers than men...

... because many women have longer hair than most men, which takes time to wash. Also, many women shave in the shower, rather than in front of the sink. I kind of want to give this guy waist-length hair and tell him he needs to wash that, then shave his legs and armpits, and that I'm turning the water off at three minutes. (Or just set it to 2° C, which might be funnier.)

Though... what about long cold showers?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]mirhanda, 2010-05-20 07:32 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]telophase, 2010-05-20 07:51 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sequinedlizard, 2010-05-20 09:22 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bemysty, 2010-05-21 12:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sequinedlizard, 2010-05-21 01:20 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bemysty, 2010-05-21 01:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]artimusdin, 2010-05-21 03:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]freezer, 2010-05-21 07:47 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bemysty, 2010-05-21 01:45 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]aliaras, 2010-05-23 06:16 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]barankhy, 2010-05-21 07:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bemysty, 2010-05-21 01:46 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]trialia, 2010-07-16 08:45 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lindentreeisle, 2010-05-21 03:30 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sabra_n, 2010-05-23 06:07 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]jaythenerdkid, 2010-05-21 03:03 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]cmdr_zoom, 2010-05-20 09:24 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kookaburra, 2010-05-21 05:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cereta, 2010-05-21 03:33 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]greenling, 2010-05-21 04:36 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lindentreeisle, 2010-05-21 03:34 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]varethane, 2010-05-22 07:28 pm UTC

[info]queencallipygos
2010-05-20 06:12 pm UTC (link)
I....think I just got a little turned on by some of comment #18:

I take nice long baths with my girlfriend. Which, I guess in a way, is like I'm returning to the womb... by PUTTING MY PENIS IN HER VAGINA afterwards.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]phasmas, 2010-05-21 06:36 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]aliaras, 2010-05-23 06:18 pm UTC

[info]robinterrae
2010-05-20 06:17 pm UTC (link)
Yeah, you try washing ass length, very thick hair with both shampoo and conditioner and see how long it takes you.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]tehrin, 2010-05-20 06:31 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]telophase, 2010-05-20 07:52 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]eilisliana, 2010-05-20 08:39 pm UTC

[info]littleshebear
2010-05-20 06:19 pm UTC (link)
YOU THINK THIS IS HARD? I'M PASSING A GALL-STONE AS WE SPEAK. THAT'S HARD!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]tehrin, 2010-05-20 06:45 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bemysty, 2010-05-21 12:15 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cmdr_zoom, 2010-05-21 02:31 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]girlmorphine, 2010-05-20 08:05 pm UTC

[info]tehrin
2010-05-20 06:28 pm UTC (link)
Same difference. If you take extra long baths, it's "Mommy, mommy, I feel safe and secure in here...can I stay longer?" You can't be afraid of or avoid the natural sting and chill of life. A strong attachment to feelings of liquid warmth and serenity in a bath or shower is definitely a womb trip thing, and being neurotically attached to prolonging or extending that experience as much as you can means you're a loser, plain and simple.

I take a showers, then baths. Sometimes more than once a day if the weather is really unforgiving (in "the natural sting and heat of life" sense, not "the natural sting and chill of life")or I'm doing something strenuous that involves *dirt* and *sweat.*

I don't have much of an interest in meeting or talking to you either. Eff you and pissy-boy nyah-nyah neghead attitude. People who compulsively take extra-long steamy showers (and I'm not talking about creative-dreaming showers or "boy, did I have a touigh day today or what?" showers) ARE hiders. Sorry to have pushed this basic truism into your head, but it's true.

Well, poo to you too, poo-brain. I wouldn't want to meet you either because you SMELL! >:(

Please put me back in the womb now. So cold. So unforgiving.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]riah_chan, 2010-05-20 07:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2010-05-21 09:27 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bemysty, 2010-05-21 01:50 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2010-05-21 07:30 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]dragonfangirl, 2010-05-20 07:52 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bigbigtruck, 2010-05-20 07:58 pm UTC

[info]snacky
2010-05-20 06:38 pm UTC (link)
This is blog performance art, right? Because otherwise, it seems like the rambling of a coke-fueled, washed up Hollywood h -- ...wait a minute.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]theelusiven, 2010-05-20 09:33 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bigbigtruck, 2010-05-20 09:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]theelusiven, 2010-05-20 09:55 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bobafeis, 2010-05-21 08:13 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladyvyola, 2010-05-21 01:18 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]blue_penguin, 2010-05-20 11:05 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]risha, 2010-05-20 11:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]jaythenerdkid, 2010-05-21 03:07 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lindentreeisle, 2010-05-21 03:32 pm UTC
(no subject) - tetradecimal, 2010-05-21 03:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]sabra_n, 2010-05-23 06:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]spawn_of_kong, 2010-05-21 09:27 am UTC

[info]poisonyoulove
2010-05-20 06:43 pm UTC (link)
Why is he so afraid of returning to the womb?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]komorebi, 2010-05-20 08:11 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]phasmas, 2010-05-21 06:40 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tofuknight, 2010-05-20 08:31 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]indis_earfalas, 2010-05-21 02:50 am UTC

[info]mcity
2010-05-20 06:55 pm UTC (link)
>I was reminding myself this morning that it's a sign of weak character to take long showers.

I just imagine that he has this on Google Calendar or something; "LONG SHOWERS ARE BAD 8AM MAY 20 REPEAT WEEKLY"

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]dragonfangirl, 2010-05-20 07:53 pm UTC

[info]issendai
2010-05-20 07:02 pm UTC (link)
Compensating much, sir?

(Reply to this)


[info]veleda_k
2010-05-20 07:17 pm UTC (link)
This is so random and bizarre that I just can't get over it. Of all the things to be filled with disproportionate rage over, this guy chose showers?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]sorchar, 2010-05-21 01:54 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]demonbean, 2010-05-21 02:59 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]tangentialone, 2010-05-21 04:34 am UTC

[info]gmth
2010-05-20 07:18 pm UTC (link)
And the reason anyone should care about this asshole's opinion is...?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2010-05-21 04:14 am UTC

[info]caffeine_fairy
2010-05-20 07:22 pm UTC (link)
I don't have much of an interest in meeting or talking to you either.

How will I live?

BRB, crawling back into the womb in horror.

(Reply to this)


[info]neon_umbra
2010-05-20 07:32 pm UTC (link)
Well dang, I was so looking forward to dating this guy too. I mean I normally do a 5 minute shower unless it's an extra bad hair day... Does he realize some women's hair care product takes at least 5 minutes to sit on the hair to properly work (high end conditioners) And what about shaving? Does he realize that some ladies shave in the shower? I hate to see the bloody wreck after a 5 minutes shampoo, conditioning, shaving event.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]danceswithelvis, 2010-05-20 08:42 pm UTC

[info]sepiamagpie
2010-05-20 07:42 pm UTC (link)
Well. That was... enlightening.

(Reply to this)


[info]bigbigtruck
2010-05-20 07:44 pm UTC (link)
Screw water conservation, for me it's all about the misogyny! YEAHHH *hulkburst through shower wall*

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]jkefka, 2010-05-20 07:52 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bemysty, 2010-05-21 12:17 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mastervex, 2010-05-21 12:27 pm UTC

[info]dragonfangirl
2010-05-20 07:49 pm UTC (link)
Someone ought to remind this guy that they take nice hot showers at Alcatraz!

Also, oh my god, he thinks that ten minutes is a long shower? WTF, guy. I have short hair and it still takes me that long to get it clean.

Of course I'm sure he feels that everyone ought to just shave their heads and go around like real men.

(Reply to this)


[info]tiye
2010-05-20 07:54 pm UTC (link)
The comments on his post are pretty golden, too. I love all the "HA HA SOMETIMES I HAVE TO BE IN THE SHOWER MORE THAN SIX MINUTES BUT I REALLY TRY NOT TO AND IT'S ONLY BECAUSE I HAVE TO WASH MY ASS HAIR YOU STILL THINK I'M A REAL MAN, RIGHT?!!!1!111!" and "LOL CONDITIONER WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? I DON'T USE IT BECAUSE I AM NOT A GIRL! I HONESTLY ONLY KNOW WHAT IT IS BECAUSE A GIRL TOLD ME ABOUT IT ONCE!"

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]quantumreality, 2010-05-20 11:01 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kookaburra, 2010-05-21 05:20 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]caffeine_fairy, 2010-05-21 08:32 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kookaburra, 2010-05-21 08:44 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]jaythenerdkid, 2010-05-21 03:10 pm UTC


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