Log In

Home
    - Create Journal
    - Update
    - Download

LiveJournal
    - News
    - Paid Accounts
    - Contributors

Customize
    - Customize Journal
    - Create Style
    - Edit Style

Find Users
    - Random!
    - By Region
    - By Interest
    - Search

Edit ...
    - Personal Info &
      Settings
    - Your Friends
    - Old Entries
    - Your Pictures
    - Your Password

Developer Area

Need Help?
    - Lost Password?
    - Freq. Asked
      Questions
    - Support Area



tetradecimal (tetradecimal) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2010-05-20 13:36:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:otf_wank's thoughts on showering, shower wank (not the fun kind)

If you like hot showers, YOU ARE A SNIVELING, WEAK WASTE OF SPACE
Jeffrey Wells is here to tell you that if you take showers that last more than three minutes, you might as well be a drug-addled addict hiding away and shivering in a cave somewhere, wishing only for sweet, sweet death the comforting warmth of your mother's womb.

"I was reminding myself this morning that it's a sign of weak character to take long showers. Anyone who does this is a soft sister -- a person looking to hide inside the warm amniotic fluid of his mother's womb, which is what a nice hot shower feels like. This realization goes back to when I was in my early 20s. If I happened to notice that a roommate or some guy or girl who was staying over was taking ten- or twelve-minute showers (or worse), I would instantly write them off.

Those who take extra-long hot showers are the same people who take extra-long breaks or lunches in order to get away from office drudgery, or who hide away inside an alcoholic or nicotine or drug cave. Your average enterprising, disciplined, hard-working types take four- or five-minute showers, at the longest. If you're really hard-core you've finished in less than three. No exceptions, no excuses -- either you get it or you don't."


ETA: Oh yeah, unrelated but relevant link.




Page 3 of 4
<<[1] [2] [3] [4] >>

(Post a new comment)


[info]finchbird
2010-05-21 12:12 am UTC (link)
So according to this guy, Robert Pattinson is one of the manliness men.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2010-05-21 09:47 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]yattara, 2010-05-24 02:51 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2010-05-24 04:03 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]yattara, 2010-05-24 04:11 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2010-05-24 04:12 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]yattara, 2010-05-24 04:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2010-05-24 04:23 pm UTC
People should get beat up for skatin' like the Leafs
[info]ecchaniz0r
2010-05-21 12:32 am UTC (link)
With all this blathering duder is doing about returning to the womb, I should not be surprised that I have Shoehorn With Teeth' (specifically the Moxy Früvous/Da Vinci's Notebook a capella cover) FIRMLY LODGED IN MY HEAD NOW!

(Reply to this)


[info]randomsome1
2010-05-21 12:39 am UTC (link)
Jeffrey who?

(Reply to this)


[info]ashenmote
2010-05-21 12:50 am UTC (link)
Big words for a squishy guy full of lukewarm body fluids.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]bigbigtruck, 2010-05-21 01:01 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]paranoidandroid, 2010-05-21 09:45 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tehrin, 2010-05-21 07:55 am UTC

[info]darkecology
2010-05-21 01:24 am UTC (link)
Your average enterprising, disciplined, hard-working types take four- or five-minute showers, at the longest.

Clearly, he has conducted an in-depth survey on this issue.

(Reply to this)


[info]coffeebun
2010-05-21 01:45 am UTC (link)
... So I take he's never had to stand outside in 35C weather for hours before. Or experience a humid tropical summer.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]hallidae, 2010-05-21 01:57 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]keri, 2010-05-21 03:54 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sparkysrevenge, 2010-05-21 09:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]barankhy, 2010-05-21 07:53 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bemysty, 2010-05-21 08:56 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]varethane, 2010-05-22 07:39 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bemysty, 2010-05-21 08:56 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]coffeebun, 2010-05-21 09:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bemysty, 2010-05-21 02:06 pm UTC

[info]sorchar
2010-05-21 01:55 am UTC (link)
He's a troll, right? He doesn't mean it at all, he's just winding people up, right? Right?

(Reply to this)


[info]capering_around
2010-05-21 02:06 am UTC (link)
I love long showers. They are my special private time.

Also, the unrelated link? New favorite blog.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]cleolinda, 2010-05-21 02:20 am UTC

[info]librarianmouse
2010-05-21 02:16 am UTC (link)
...the warm amniotic fluid of his mother's womb, which is what a nice hot shower feels like...

Suddenly, I really want to see this guy's reaction to getting caught outside during a summer monsoon.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]staroverthebay, 2010-05-21 02:54 am UTC

[info]t_boy
2010-05-21 02:28 am UTC (link)
What a stupid, stupid man.

(Reply to this)


[info]staroverthebay
2010-05-21 02:53 am UTC (link)
wait a minute... THREE MINUTE showers? Are you kidding me? How the fuck does someone properly shower in THREE MINUTES?!

It takes me at least five minutes to get oriented, get the water the right temperature and get either shampoo on my hair or soap on the scrub-fluff (loufa? I forget what they're called LOL), depending on what I want to clean first. And that's just to get started! I almost always wash, rinse, and then wash again, for the hair, and I wash with the loufa-puff thingy until it runs clear of soap (or until I run out of time, if I'm showering before work) because DUDE. It's a shower. Soap smells good. WTF.


I'd say that maybe a thirty minute shower is kinda long, though I've been known to do that when I have the time to (like when I shower in the evenings) but only because I can accomplish what a shower is supposed to do -- clean the body and hair -- in about fifteen or twenty, so if I'm in it longer, it's just cuz it feels good and I'm not ready to get out. OH NOES I WANT BACK IN THE WOMB!

But yeah, more than half an hour might be considered a long shower, but I dunno.

Hilarious, though, how he's wanking about this, not from a water conservation stand-point, but from a "you suck and you're just trying to make yourself seem like you suck less so you just suck that much more" standpoint.


/teal deer

(Reply to this)


[info]demonbean
2010-05-21 03:01 am UTC (link)
This realization goes back to when I was in my early 20s.

I want to see a reenactment of this, because for some reason I have this hilarious mental image of a man standing in the shower, halfway through washing his hair and with one of those Clark Kent looks of Purpose And Realization. Like a bad version of an Old Spice commercial...

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]melannen, 2010-05-21 03:27 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lilgoala, 2010-05-21 06:29 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]paladin, 2010-05-21 06:15 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]trollprincess, 2010-05-23 11:12 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]as_you_wish, 2010-05-21 01:07 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]dragonfangirl, 2010-05-21 07:48 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]inalasahl, 2010-06-01 09:59 pm UTC
Who is this dude, and why should we care?
[info]esther_a
2010-05-21 03:09 am UTC (link)
You know, I think you could replace that entire post with a "Your argument is invalid" macro with no significant loss of comprehensibility.

(Reply to this)


[info]keri
2010-05-21 03:59 am UTC (link)
By the way, the fact htat there is a "shower wank (not the fun kind)" tag makes me wonder if we've actually had shower wank (not the fun kind) before, and that's a little bit disturbing to think about. I'm afraid to click it and see.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]staroverthebay, 2010-05-21 05:36 am UTC

[info]seca
2010-05-21 04:09 am UTC (link)
Have to say this response did get me to laugh.

Water that is so warm it's bordering on hot, the showerhead set to the pulse setting so it pounds the back of my head and torso - I might have to check with her, but I'm pretty sure that does not describe my mother's womb.

(Reply to this)


[info]puipui
2010-05-21 04:30 am UTC (link)
I was going to comment more on this post, but then I realized that it's really fucking cold in my apartment right now, and my nose is cold, and my hands and feet are freezing. IT'S WOMB TIME, BABY! WOOHOO! :D

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]as_you_wish, 2010-05-21 01:09 pm UTC

[info]chienne
2010-05-21 04:52 am UTC (link)
It'd be hilarious if he thought up this column while showering.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]kitt_in_socks, 2010-05-21 05:01 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]paladin, 2010-05-21 06:17 pm UTC

[info]tangentialone
2010-05-21 04:57 am UTC (link)
I come up with good ideas in the shower myself, but I can't deal with the guilt of staying in there too long.[by the OP]

Dude's got issues.

(Reply to this)


[info]aurussteelsword
2010-05-21 05:03 am UTC (link)
Goodness knows what he'd think about people who sing in the shower.

But seriously. Does he not use soap or something? Three minutes is a very, very, very short time.

(Reply to this)


[info]piasharn
2010-05-21 05:28 am UTC (link)
Overall, I'm not a very traditionally girly, but I love long, hot showers/baths and own a lot of soaps, body scrubs, loofas, etc. as a result.

Therefor, I'm going to take this time to recommend Nancy Boy. I am completely in love with their products. Love, love, LOVE them so much.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]sepiamagpie, 2010-05-21 06:16 am UTC

[info]frequentmouse
2010-05-21 06:22 am UTC (link)
OK, that's it, it may be time to go to bed, I may even be sitting here in my nightgown, but Jeffrey Wells has convinced me that I really need a nice long shower before I sleep.

(Reply to this)


[info]julian_black
2010-05-21 06:57 am UTC (link)
"Those who take extra-long to get off are the same people who take extra-long breaks or lunches in order to get away from office drudgery, or who hide away inside an alcoholic or nicotine or drug cave. Your average enterprising, disciplined, hard-working types take four- or five-minute wank breaks, at the longest. If you're really hard-core you've shot your load in less than three. No exceptions, no excuses -- either you get it or you don't."

There. Fixed that for him. Now I'm going to go hide out in the warm, amniotic fluid of my mother's womb take a long, hot shower JUST BECAUSE I CAN.

(Reply to this)


[info]maegwin_of_hern
2010-05-21 10:58 am UTC (link)
Hey, I'm all for not wasting water, so I prefer showers to baths. But a 10 minute shower is totally okay. If I was completely hairless, I might manage in five, but I'm not.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]librarianmouse, 2010-05-22 06:27 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]maegwin_of_hern, 2010-05-22 07:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]maegwin_of_hern, 2010-05-22 07:32 am UTC

[info]mary_mac
2010-05-21 12:07 pm UTC (link)
Dude. I can do three-minute showers (youth outdoor centre, six showers, thirty kids and fifteen minutes til lunch, you get damn fast) but not unless I have to.

Three minutes gets the muck off, nothing more. It doesn't get you clean.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]amy_wolf, 2010-05-23 07:58 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]librarianmouse, 2010-05-23 08:07 am UTC

[info]ladyvyola
2010-05-21 01:15 pm UTC (link)
O, for untold generations, the great minds pondered, "What is the measure of a man?"

Is it the reverence he shows toward the gods? Is it the charity and good works he extends to his fellow man? Is it the bravery with which he conducts himself in battle? Is it the grace of his oratory, the dedication of his service to the public, the buildings he erects, the honor he gives his aged parents?

Long did they ponder but no answer could they agree upon.

Until, at long last, came indoor plumbing and finally the debate was settled.

It's how a man takes a shower that defines his true worth.*

* Some maintain it's if he puts the damn seat down, but they're just taking the piss.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]caffeine_fairy, 2010-05-21 02:38 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladyvyola, 2010-05-21 03:03 pm UTC


Page 3 of 4
<<[1] [2] [3] [4] >>

 
   
Privacy Policy - COPPA
Legal Disclaimer - Site Map