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tetradecimal (tetradecimal) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2010-05-20 13:36:00


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Entry tags:otf_wank's thoughts on showering, shower wank (not the fun kind)

If you like hot showers, YOU ARE A SNIVELING, WEAK WASTE OF SPACE
Jeffrey Wells is here to tell you that if you take showers that last more than three minutes, you might as well be a drug-addled addict hiding away and shivering in a cave somewhere, wishing only for sweet, sweet death the comforting warmth of your mother's womb.

"I was reminding myself this morning that it's a sign of weak character to take long showers. Anyone who does this is a soft sister -- a person looking to hide inside the warm amniotic fluid of his mother's womb, which is what a nice hot shower feels like. This realization goes back to when I was in my early 20s. If I happened to notice that a roommate or some guy or girl who was staying over was taking ten- or twelve-minute showers (or worse), I would instantly write them off.

Those who take extra-long hot showers are the same people who take extra-long breaks or lunches in order to get away from office drudgery, or who hide away inside an alcoholic or nicotine or drug cave. Your average enterprising, disciplined, hard-working types take four- or five-minute showers, at the longest. If you're really hard-core you've finished in less than three. No exceptions, no excuses -- either you get it or you don't."


ETA: Oh yeah, unrelated but relevant link.



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[info]mochibuni
2010-05-20 05:59 pm UTC (link)
...since when is ten minutes long? I have a lot of hair and actually wash my body with more than just water, I need those ten minutes.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]lady_ganesh
2010-05-20 06:25 pm UTC (link)
Yeah, my daughter's hair is getting to the point where her epically long baths are actually justified. (She's in elementary school, she can stay in there right up til the point of hypothermia for all I care.)

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]mochibuni
2010-05-20 06:27 pm UTC (link)
I loved bath time. It as the only time I got to be a mermaid, no jerk should take that away from any kid. :(

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]lady_ganesh
2010-05-20 06:33 pm UTC (link)
Exactly.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]cmdr_zoom
2010-05-20 09:23 pm UTC (link)
Sounds like this guy would take away their baths and their candy.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]chaos_theory
2010-05-21 11:49 am UTC (link)
I bet your child is constantly trying to take extra long breaks during her 14 hour shift at the woolen mill, too, and whining when little Timmy lost his arm in the carding machine. Children these days. No work ethic.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]lindentreeisle
2010-05-21 03:27 pm UTC (link)
I know, right? My hair is down to my lower back and it takes 7-10 minutes just to wash and rinse it.

Something tells me this guy is really popular with the ladies.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]warchio
2010-05-22 04:12 pm UTC (link)
Who *times* their showers anyhow?* I get in, wash until I'm clean and get out again. Even if I'm in a rush I just try and do everything faster, I don't actually schedule it all out.

*without a good reason, that is. If there's a lot of people having to use the shower or only so much hot water - understandable enough.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


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