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tetradecimal (tetradecimal) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2010-05-20 13:36:00


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Entry tags:otf_wank's thoughts on showering, shower wank (not the fun kind)

If you like hot showers, YOU ARE A SNIVELING, WEAK WASTE OF SPACE
Jeffrey Wells is here to tell you that if you take showers that last more than three minutes, you might as well be a drug-addled addict hiding away and shivering in a cave somewhere, wishing only for sweet, sweet death the comforting warmth of your mother's womb.

"I was reminding myself this morning that it's a sign of weak character to take long showers. Anyone who does this is a soft sister -- a person looking to hide inside the warm amniotic fluid of his mother's womb, which is what a nice hot shower feels like. This realization goes back to when I was in my early 20s. If I happened to notice that a roommate or some guy or girl who was staying over was taking ten- or twelve-minute showers (or worse), I would instantly write them off.

Those who take extra-long hot showers are the same people who take extra-long breaks or lunches in order to get away from office drudgery, or who hide away inside an alcoholic or nicotine or drug cave. Your average enterprising, disciplined, hard-working types take four- or five-minute showers, at the longest. If you're really hard-core you've finished in less than three. No exceptions, no excuses -- either you get it or you don't."


ETA: Oh yeah, unrelated but relevant link.



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[info]deliciouschaos
2010-05-20 06:03 pm UTC (link)
the warm amniotic fluid of his mother's womb, which is what a nice hot shower feels like

WHAT THE EVERLOVING HELL

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]deliciouschaos
2010-05-20 06:06 pm UTC (link)
Also, I would buy those shower products. I would buy the hell out of those shower products.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]lady_ganesh
2010-05-20 06:26 pm UTC (link)
Especially the genie one. MORTAL KOMBAAAAAAT.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]dragonfangirl
2010-05-20 07:50 pm UTC (link)
Yeah I think somebody may be projecting his issues just a teensy bit.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]panthea
2010-05-20 09:57 pm UTC (link)
I didn't know my mother's womb exfoliated!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]sistercoyote
2010-05-20 10:53 pm UTC (link)
I might buy that a bath is in some ways related to being in fluid in the womb but a shower?

Okay, I don't buy it about a bath, either, but you know.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]kumquat_of_doom
2010-05-23 06:11 pm UTC (link)
Apparently it actually is true about a bath being reminiscent of the womb; it's why newborn babies generally enjoy being bathed.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

Huh?
[info]esther_a
2010-05-21 02:46 am UTC (link)
How does he know? Has he spent a lot of time contemplating this?

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]shark
2010-05-21 02:47 am UTC (link)
THIS.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]warchio
2010-05-22 03:51 pm UTC (link)
What? Didn't your mother's womb come complete with a pressure shower with a massage setting?

Clearly she wasn't even trying.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


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