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tetradecimal (tetradecimal) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2010-05-20 13:36:00


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Entry tags:otf_wank's thoughts on showering, shower wank (not the fun kind)

If you like hot showers, YOU ARE A SNIVELING, WEAK WASTE OF SPACE
Jeffrey Wells is here to tell you that if you take showers that last more than three minutes, you might as well be a drug-addled addict hiding away and shivering in a cave somewhere, wishing only for sweet, sweet death the comforting warmth of your mother's womb.

"I was reminding myself this morning that it's a sign of weak character to take long showers. Anyone who does this is a soft sister -- a person looking to hide inside the warm amniotic fluid of his mother's womb, which is what a nice hot shower feels like. This realization goes back to when I was in my early 20s. If I happened to notice that a roommate or some guy or girl who was staying over was taking ten- or twelve-minute showers (or worse), I would instantly write them off.

Those who take extra-long hot showers are the same people who take extra-long breaks or lunches in order to get away from office drudgery, or who hide away inside an alcoholic or nicotine or drug cave. Your average enterprising, disciplined, hard-working types take four- or five-minute showers, at the longest. If you're really hard-core you've finished in less than three. No exceptions, no excuses -- either you get it or you don't."


ETA: Oh yeah, unrelated but relevant link.



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[info]mirhanda
2010-05-20 07:32 pm UTC (link)
ITA. I have to wash my hair, condition my hair, shave my legs, shave my pits, then wash everywhere. No way that can be done in 3 minutes. I do multi-task though. While the conditioner is soaking in my hair, I do the shaving.

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[info]telophase
2010-05-20 07:51 pm UTC (link)
Add in being almost blind as a bat without my glasses, so that I have to carefully feel to see that I didn't miss a spot on my legs, and that adds to the time.

Admittedly, I tend to take very short showers, but very long baths because I bring books in. :)

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[info]sequinedlizard
2010-05-20 09:22 pm UTC (link)
Me too. I take shorter showers (I brush my teeth while the shampoo is setting, then soap and rinse after the conditioner goes in, maybe 3-4 minutes tops), but I'll hang out in the tub all day if I can. It helps with my knee and is a great place to get reading done.

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[info]bemysty
2010-05-21 12:14 am UTC (link)
Dito on the multitasking.

As for bathing, it used to be the same with me when I lived at my parents'... my last three places didn't have tubs (which is a SIN, I tell you. Especially in Japan!).

In fact, when I was at my parents' place for Christmas last year, I took my laptop and read a full set of Dance in the Vampire Bund manga while soaking and listening to my father rapping on the door every ten minutes or so >:)

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[info]sequinedlizard
2010-05-21 01:20 am UTC (link)
I'm really tall, so the only reason I don't stay in tubs longer is because most of them aren't quite long enough to really get submerged. I had one place that had one of those big old fashioned claw foot tubs, and I was glad we had two bathrooms, that way I didn't have to worry about my housemates.

I also went to a hotel that had hot tubs in the rooms the December before last, and I set up my computer with my television rotation and stayed in there for about seven hours (adjusting the water as needed, of course).

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[info]bemysty
2010-05-21 01:52 am UTC (link)
My whole family is rather overweight and pretty tall (my brother's 7', my father's 6'4, I'm 6'), so when my parents' house burned down a couple of years ago, they bought a customized tub. I actually have trouble not sinking under the surface in it because my feet can barely reach where the back starts curving up. And when I sit down crosslegged, the water goes up to my tits easily.

Obviously best tub in the history of ever.

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[info]artimusdin
2010-05-21 03:38 am UTC (link)
WANT. NOW. *grabby hands* ;_____;

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[info]freezer
2010-05-21 07:47 am UTC (link)
Seconded. The current hacienda has a stupidly shallow tub, exacerbated by a water heater that goes cold when the tub is half full. If I could afford to replace them both, I would.

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[info]bemysty
2010-05-21 01:45 pm UTC (link)
My parents' old tub used to be like that... very snug on me, impossible for my brother and uncomfortable for my father, plus a shitty boiler*. I was the only one who really enjoyed that tub and was sad to see it go.

*in the boiler's defence, it was installed in 1962 and the water went up three floors, with most of the plumbing in the outside walls.

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[info]aliaras
2010-05-23 06:16 pm UTC (link)
Oh man, that is what my apartment is like. It's sad. I should take a bath at my parents' -- it's not great, but it at least gets and stays warm.

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[info]barankhy
2010-05-21 07:46 am UTC (link)
DO WANT TOO

Seriously. I haven't had a nice, lovely, looong bath in years because our tub is just too short for me to lie comfortably in :(

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[info]bemysty
2010-05-21 01:46 pm UTC (link)
But ALL normal tubs are kinda bleh when you're taller than 1,75 :(

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[info]trialia
2010-07-16 08:45 pm UTC (link)
I'm only 1.60 and I still can't submerge myself completely in the tub at my parents' place. Pretty lousy size-wise. Thank goodness mine is longer!

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[info]lindentreeisle
2010-05-21 03:30 pm UTC (link)
I WANT. I fantasize about jacuzzi soaking tubs. It would be like having my own tiny swimming pool. :D

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[info]sabra_n
2010-05-23 06:07 am UTC (link)
And there's another key factor - if you live in a house with lots of roommates or family members, the bathroom may be the only private space you have. That's why I used to take longer showers than I do now - I'm an introvert, and that was the only place in the house where I could definitively be away from people.

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[info]jaythenerdkid
2010-05-21 03:03 pm UTC (link)
Add in being almost blind as a bat without my glasses, so that I have to carefully feel to see that I didn't miss a spot on my legs, and that adds to the time.

YES. Shaving is hard when you can't really see what you're doing!

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