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tetradecimal (tetradecimal) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2010-05-20 13:36:00


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Entry tags:otf_wank's thoughts on showering, shower wank (not the fun kind)

If you like hot showers, YOU ARE A SNIVELING, WEAK WASTE OF SPACE
Jeffrey Wells is here to tell you that if you take showers that last more than three minutes, you might as well be a drug-addled addict hiding away and shivering in a cave somewhere, wishing only for sweet, sweet death the comforting warmth of your mother's womb.

"I was reminding myself this morning that it's a sign of weak character to take long showers. Anyone who does this is a soft sister -- a person looking to hide inside the warm amniotic fluid of his mother's womb, which is what a nice hot shower feels like. This realization goes back to when I was in my early 20s. If I happened to notice that a roommate or some guy or girl who was staying over was taking ten- or twelve-minute showers (or worse), I would instantly write them off.

Those who take extra-long hot showers are the same people who take extra-long breaks or lunches in order to get away from office drudgery, or who hide away inside an alcoholic or nicotine or drug cave. Your average enterprising, disciplined, hard-working types take four- or five-minute showers, at the longest. If you're really hard-core you've finished in less than three. No exceptions, no excuses -- either you get it or you don't."


ETA: Oh yeah, unrelated but relevant link.



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[info]quantumreality
2010-05-20 11:01 pm UTC (link)
I figure in some weirdly ideal set of circumstances it is possible to be done in three minutes, but I'm not sure that's doable most of the time. D:

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[info]kookaburra
2010-05-21 05:20 am UTC (link)
The only time I did it (a complete shower - soap, shampoo, shaved armpits) in under three minutes was during a snowstorm.

Outside.

With a garden hose.

But what do I know about the chill and sting of life? I'm just a sissypants giiiirrrrrrlllll.

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[info]caffeine_fairy
2010-05-21 08:32 am UTC (link)
I think I need further details here. Why were you doing that?

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[info]kookaburra
2010-05-21 08:44 am UTC (link)
Power was out, and our well pump didn't work. We had to run a daisy chain of hoses from our closest neighbor's well to get water for the two weeks we had no power.

I have a physically strenuous job, dirty, disgusting job and going "natural" for awhile (if I could even stand it, I take two showers a day usually) is not an option.

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[info]jaythenerdkid
2010-05-21 03:10 pm UTC (link)
I can do soap, shampoo and a quick condition in three minutes if the water heats up straight away and I go really, really fast. If I have to shave/want to exfoliate/need to condition my hair a little more thoroughly? Ten minutes at the very least.

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