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tetradecimal (tetradecimal) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2010-05-20 13:36:00


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Entry tags:otf_wank's thoughts on showering, shower wank (not the fun kind)

If you like hot showers, YOU ARE A SNIVELING, WEAK WASTE OF SPACE
Jeffrey Wells is here to tell you that if you take showers that last more than three minutes, you might as well be a drug-addled addict hiding away and shivering in a cave somewhere, wishing only for sweet, sweet death the comforting warmth of your mother's womb.

"I was reminding myself this morning that it's a sign of weak character to take long showers. Anyone who does this is a soft sister -- a person looking to hide inside the warm amniotic fluid of his mother's womb, which is what a nice hot shower feels like. This realization goes back to when I was in my early 20s. If I happened to notice that a roommate or some guy or girl who was staying over was taking ten- or twelve-minute showers (or worse), I would instantly write them off.

Those who take extra-long hot showers are the same people who take extra-long breaks or lunches in order to get away from office drudgery, or who hide away inside an alcoholic or nicotine or drug cave. Your average enterprising, disciplined, hard-working types take four- or five-minute showers, at the longest. If you're really hard-core you've finished in less than three. No exceptions, no excuses -- either you get it or you don't."


ETA: Oh yeah, unrelated but relevant link.



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[info]blue_penguin
2010-05-20 11:05 pm UTC (link)
People with a little class and breeding and a college degree don’t tend to be as noisy or boisterous or loutish as the commoners, cretins, galumphs, bad dressers, etc. The lower end of the gene pool. T’was ever thus.

Funny, late last night I thought I walked past a house in my affluent mostly-white neighborhood wherein people were having a party and blasting Poker Face loudly enough to be heard at least a block away, but I guess I must have been imagining things, because rich white people don't do that.

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[info]risha
2010-05-20 11:25 pm UTC (link)
You silly! Those are probably the new money people. No breeding at all.

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[info]jaythenerdkid
2010-05-21 03:07 pm UTC (link)
Pssht! Affluent white people don't make noise! They have intimate soirees and listen to classical music on ancient victrolas whilst smoking cigars, drinking brandy and eating caviar on rice crackers. They definitely don't do what my (rich, white) best friend does for fun and go out for drinks or play loud music sometimes or, you know, act like normal people who like to have fun.

Disclaimer: personally, I think listening to classical music on an ancient victrola would be awesome.

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[info]lindentreeisle
2010-05-21 03:32 pm UTC (link)
Did he seriously use the word "commoners" without irony? God damn.

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tetradecimal
2010-05-21 03:43 pm UTC (link)
and a college degree don’t tend to be as noisy or boisterous or loutish as the commoners

College students: the epitome of class and breeding.

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[info]sabra_n
2010-05-23 06:14 am UTC (link)
...Has this dude ever been to a college? Namely, a typical American college full of rich white kids playing beer pong to music playing at unspeakable volumes at all hours of the day? Because plenty of those well-bred kids were defining "classy" as "leaving puddles of vomit in the courtyard" when I was an undergrad.

But hey, what do I know. I take 15-minute showers. :D

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