As wanky as a red, red rose.
Publishing wank, fresh and delicious! Get yer publishing wank, get it while it's long and sticky!

(this wank courtesy of wank_report)

It starts on Dear Author, with a post about one Red Rose Publishing. Kat Holmes, an author I have no particular knowledge of, finally got out of an NDA and posted a blog about her experiences with the publishing house. The DA summary includes books being published either too early or too late without the authors being told and breaches of contract that, when the author asks for the rights to be reverted, are answered with bills for cover art and editing services, and notices from cover artists and editors quitting are ignored. Part of the horror story from Kat's blog is reproduced, go over and read it if you want a nice, healthy dose of paranoia about picking publishers.

In any case, the founder of Red Rose responds, in a totally, utterly, completely professional and sane manner.

Ok, really it's a wanky mess, but you'd never know it from the first sentence:

This is not intended for the authors who did not go in the readers loop to whine and complain!

Oh yeah, we're dealing with a fucking bastion of maturity here. Some gems from the rest of the screed:

Pot, Kettle
I am beyond furious at those who have done it, and lets say I am not pleased and how unprofessional can you get!

Heidipology anyone?
Yeah, I am behind getting out the statements to those who have not sold $20 because I have been dealing with some serious family issues and for that I am sorry. I apologize for having some serious family issues going on with me.

DON'T TRUST THE GUBMINT!
Believe me the state and federal governments are looking to get money, unfortunately I guess on their parts all of our stuff checked out and was in the auditor’s oppinions [sic] one of the best and well put together as I had every thing she need right there.

It reads like a checklist of poor communication and bile
#1- you had no idea, #2- you are out to do the company and your fellow authors problems or #3- You do not care about Red Rose Publishing, your books, sales or the reputation of the company!

PROFESSIONALISM IS CAPSLOCK
I have repeatedly busted my ass so even those WHO DO NOT SELL GET A CHANCE TO GET THEIR BOOKS in print, well F* me, for going out of my way to help any authors, take out ads or even do contests.

And on, and on, and on. But that's only half this beautiful piece of work.

Down in the comments, things kick off right away with Kat herself showing up at comment #8. The fun doesn't really start until #13, though, when Kat's mother, Lin, shows up to add her two cents, and shilling a thrilling expose on her blog. An expose that, incidentally, I can't find under the hideous eye-searing format of the blog itself. Scroll down from the comment and you'll find Moira, an author who has her own set of little complaints.

I resented being called a f***tard and hearing her call other people the same.

I resented being called via telephone and having to listen to her talk about her staff and authors, badmouthing them, calling them useless, and generally spewing vitriol, blaming everyone for everything and never accepting responsibility that sometimes it may well have been HER fault.

I resent not being paid royalties since I left. She has disregarded her own contract which states if you work a month’s notice, she will still pay you. She doesn’t.

There's about a page more of that. Down at #17, Mom turns up again with...well I'm not sure what, really.

Red Rose only has ONE viable contract for the THREE maunscripts with my daughter and that is for her first, stand alone book VOICE IN THE NIGHT. That means they released TWO of her books without valid contracts because the second contract is made out to me writing as my daughetr even though I have never written as her…and despite repeated requests for a corrected contract we were told not to worry it was legal because they’d changed their copy and would get Kat a copy ASAP. The only copy Kat has from RRP is the one in MY name writing under her pen name.

Yeah I dunno but clearly capslock is the new professional. Moira once again reaffirms her hatred in the next comment, but we're just getting started! Down to #32, over a lot of people recoiling in horror at the post, we have Won't you think of the children authors!, which Lin promptly responds in agreement, but with another list of offenses.

Of course, a one-sided wank isn't nearly as much fun. Another RRP author appears, with the minority sentiment.

Totally objective, here.
Just an FYI, people. There are always more than two sides to a story. Gossip hurts everyone.

I’m not on anyone’s ‘side’, but I will say that RRP promised to get me published and they did, on time, and with excellent support from my editors and the art group.

RIGHTEOUS FURY OF CAPSLOCK
Please consider that this type of nastiness is unacceptible and the source who provided the (yes, scathing) email in the first place is the one who set out to harm, not Wendi.

All excuses aside, even when I have my own issues with someone or a company, I do address this in PRIVATE and never slander someone. That’s just WRONG.

Not in any way passive-aggressive
Thanks for reading. I truly do believe that we are all in this together and I’d like to see a little kindness and understanding from ALL SIDES.

Hugs
Franny Armstrong

I think it's signing off with "Hugs" that really does it for me. Anyways, Kat's mother responds further down in hilarious style. DO YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO CLICK, DO YOU REALLY?.

@Franny Armstrong: I’m wondering, Ms. Armstrong if you have the courage to seek out the truth. http://linsownspeculations.blogspot.com/
That is my blog and on it I have posted the truth and copied the only contract Red Rose Publishing sent for my Daughter’s God’s At Work Series. Do you have the courage to go to my blog and see the truth? You were there that night, the night Ms. Felder flipped out on Kat and then pulled all Kat’s works from the catalog and banned her from the Author’s loop. She made you talk to Kat even though you knew from your radio show that Kat was ill…in fact you told her Kat should have been in bed…Kat HAD been in bed, but when Wendi Felter wants one of her minions attention you could be running a fever of a 105 and you’re gonna talk to her. You were right there in her home. So tell me, do you have the courage to be really impartial and see if we’re lying or if we have the proof to back our claim? There’s my link? Will you follow? Should be interesting to see what you do.

It's a long one, but there's a lot of glorious batshit pagentry on display. Sprinkled throughout are anonymous authors, editors, and others chiming in with their experiences with RRP, most of which are distinctly negative. This is a wank I highly encourage clicking through, because there's way more that I just couldn't include.

And here come the ETAs: Writers Beware just picked it up. Courtesy of sistercoyote

ETA the second: Red Rose threatens to sue Dear Author! This could be interesting, and by "interesting" I mean "hilarious". Thanks rainkatt!