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Wankprophet (![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} wankprophet) wrote in ![[info]](http://www.journalfen.net/img/community.gif){kind=small} otf_wank, |
Well, gosh, as long as we're re-editing things that appear on public websites, I have to re-edit the awful diction, grammar and punctuation of that story Cooks Source e-mailed to Monica:
Yes, Monica, I have been doing this for 3 decades, so my edit-peen is the approximate size, and shape, of a very large burly mime. Unfortunately, during those three decades, I've been an editor at The Voice, Housitonic Home and Connecticut Woman Magazine, so I admit my edit-peen has gone through a considerable amount of shrinkage. However, I do know about copyright laws. They're divided into three major categories: intellectual property, publication rights, and "my bad, long sessions, tired eyes and minds somethings forget to do these things." Incidentally, "minds something" is a phrase of my own coinage and is not to be re-edited into a coherent context. Do it and I'll shoot this adverbial clause. See if I won't, bitch.
But honestly Monica, anything we're not bright enough to think up is considered "public domain" and you should be happy we're not even bigger idiots, else we might have just "lifted" your whole article and random portions of the Bible and put someone else's name on it [exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark, glottal stop] It happens a lot, like whoa! and clearly more than you are aware of, especially we're on a deadline. If you took offence (note to self: offense? offence? am I British? Must ask Mom when I see her at Thanksgiving or possibly next 4th of July) and are unhappy, I am sorry, but you as a professional (or at least you will be if anybody ever gets around to paying you for your stories) should know that the article we used written by you was in very bad need of editing, and is much better now than was originally. As per policy, we removed most of the necessary punctuation and implemented a stream-of-consciousness style that keeps the reader engrossed by turning reading into a game of 'figure out the transitions.' It's like a wonderful little side-quest except, instead of gold, your reward feeling a little better about that 'B' you got in freshman comp. Now it will work well for your portfolio if the Beat poets ever start hiring again. For that reason, I have a bit of a difficult time with your requests for monetary gain, albeit for such a fine (and very wealthy!) institution. Could you please re-write said requests to match our own writing policy? We put some time into rewrites (Mad Lib books aren't easy to finish, you know,) so you should compensate me! . We put some time into rewrites, [so] you should compensate me! I never charge young writers for advice or [for] rewriting poorly written pieces, and have many who write for me... ALWAYS for free! When the day comes that I actually tell them that I'm giving them advice or letting them write for me, my edit-peen will grow mighty once more.
Incidentally, if my version of this lovely story appears in the latest edition of Mother Goose Tales, I am so suing the fuck out of each and every person who read this.
Yes, Monica, I have been doing this for 3 decades, so my edit-peen is the approximate size, and shape, of a very large burly mime. Unfortunately, during those three decades, I've been an editor at The Voice, Housitonic Home and Connecticut Woman Magazine, so I admit my edit-peen has gone through a considerable amount of shrinkage. However, I do know about copyright laws. They're divided into three major categories: intellectual property, publication rights, and "my bad, long sessions, tired eyes and minds somethings forget to do these things." Incidentally, "minds something" is a phrase of my own coinage and is not to be re-edited into a coherent context. Do it and I'll shoot this adverbial clause. See if I won't, bitch.
But honestly Monica, anything we're not bright enough to think up is considered "public domain" and you should be happy we're not even bigger idiots, else we might have just "lifted" your whole article and random portions of the Bible and put someone else's name on it [exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark, glottal stop] It happens a lot, like whoa! and clearly more than you are aware of, especially we're on a deadline. If you took offence (note to self: offense? offence? am I British? Must ask Mom when I see her at Thanksgiving or possibly next 4th of July) and are unhappy, I am sorry, but you as a professional (or at least you will be if anybody ever gets around to paying you for your stories) should know that the article we used written by you was in very bad need of editing, and is much better now than was originally. As per policy, we removed most of the necessary punctuation and implemented a stream-of-consciousness style that keeps the reader engrossed by turning reading into a game of 'figure out the transitions.' It's like a wonderful little side-quest except, instead of gold, your reward feeling a little better about that 'B' you got in freshman comp. Now it will work well for your portfolio if the Beat poets ever start hiring again. For that reason, I have a bit of a difficult time with your requests for monetary gain, albeit for such a fine (and very wealthy!) institution. Could you please re-write said requests to match our own writing policy? We put some time into rewrites (Mad Lib books aren't easy to finish, you know,) so you should compensate me! . We put some time into rewrites, [so] you should compensate me! I never charge young writers for advice or [for] rewriting poorly written pieces, and have many who write for me... ALWAYS for free! When the day comes that I actually tell them that I'm giving them advice or letting them write for me, my edit-peen will grow mighty once more.
Incidentally, if my version of this lovely story appears in the latest edition of Mother Goose Tales, I am so suing the fuck out of each and every person who read this.
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