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The Ghost Master ([info]ghostmaster) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2010-12-09 11:20:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:authorwank, publishing

If Not For The Wank
Query Shark is a blog where aspiring writers can send their query letters to be looked over by professional agent Janet Reid, and then promptly chewed up, spit out, and glared at it by an angry lamniformes*. Oh, and there's something about insightful critique or some nonsense about helping authors or something silly like that. Anyway...

Query 189 (scroll down for the original version) is a Gilligan's Island/Hawaii 5-0 crossover fanfic in which the Gilligan's Island cast is all suspected of murder and also there is something about magical bat guano and I don't know what this guy was smoking, but I want some. Cue about...ohh, 60 comments of "well, it's an okay idea, I guess, but you should really just post it on FF.Net". A few enterprising web sleuths dig up the author's website, but don't post it for the sake of anonymity.

Cut to a few days later. The comment count has gone up to 73, and the author submits his revised query (which you already noticed in my above link). Now...well, let's let the author explain it, shall we?

"IF NOT FOR THE COURAGE adheres strictly to the legal definition of parody, and thus uses derivative characters under the fair use doctrine. Nevertheless, parodying our beloved seven stranded castaways might very possibly cause a stir. Are you afraid of a bit of controversy? If not, then read on…"

Apparently, a handful of people telling you that you can't publish fanfic and you fail at parody is "controversy" now.

"But where is the wank?" you ask. "This is just a dogpile on a clueless author. It's not like he came back to argue!"

Meet Jason Bloomberg. Jason has C/P'ed selected lines from all his detractors and turned them into praise for his fanfic. It's okay because he admits that they've been edited at the top of his sidebar. Also, bad press is still good press, I know what I'm talking about because I didn't just read Wikipedia, no one has ever written a fanfic where none of the characters were unrecognizable, this book isn't for fans of the show except when it is, and it's an irrefutable parody because Gilligan is gay.

Back at the query, everyone just boggles at the author's giant balls, but it seems to be winding down. I don't expect any future revisions to get much attention, so let me conclude with this delightful quote:

"But questions still remain: will agents and/or publishers steer clear? Would the copyright owner still sue? Will this book create a stir because it uses characters without permission?

My response: bring it on."

*probably used this incorrectly, but thinks it made the sentence sound nice anyway
**It occurs to me in retrospect that this could totally have gone in FW. Somehow, my brain just saw "Query Shark wank!" and ignored the whole "fanfic about Gilligan's Island" part.



(Post a new comment)


[info]rosehiptea
2010-12-09 05:27 pm UTC (link)
it's an irrefutable parody because Gilligan is gay

Oh come on, he and the Skipper were totally married in canon.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]persona
2010-12-09 05:29 pm UTC (link)
Yes. Yes they were.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]cmdr_zoom
2010-12-09 05:33 pm UTC (link)
Men get lonely at sea.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]jaythenerdkid
2010-12-10 01:11 am UTC (link)
Ah, so that's why they never just ate Gilligan!

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rosehiptea, 2010-12-10 01:52 am UTC

[info]khym_chanur
2010-12-10 01:59 am UTC (link)
That reminds me of some people who argued that slash fanfic is inherently a parody, and thus better protected under fair-use than non-slash, but now I can't find the comments/posts saying that. :(

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]seiberwing
2010-12-10 02:11 am UTC (link)
No kidding.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]darksumomo
2010-12-10 04:06 am UTC (link)
I remember a bit from a Guido Sarducci routine:

"Was there sex on Gilligan's Island? Yes--Mr. Howell with Mrs. Howell, The Professor with Ginger and Mary Ann, and the Skipper with Gilligan."

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]rosehiptea, 2010-12-10 04:36 am UTC

[info]deliciouschaos
2010-12-09 05:49 pm UTC (link)
This made my day a little bit better. And I needed that.

Thank you, insane wankers. Thank you very much.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - tetradecimal, 2010-12-09 06:42 pm UTC
*repost
[info]mcity
2010-12-09 06:01 pm UTC (link)
7 people like If Not for the Courage on Facebook
*snerk*

(Reply to this)


[info]gertie_flirty
2010-12-09 06:15 pm UTC (link)
This is hilariously amazing. He keeps thinking his fanfic is legal parody. LOLWUTNO.

From his site:

As to whether INFTC is a parody, the answer is obvious. No character is left in its original form. Skipper and Gilligan gay lovers? Mrs. Howell a Nazi collaborator? Ginger sleeping her way to the top? Puhleeze. Every character is a parody of the original.

Yeah, no, your au!dark?fic version of characters is not parody.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]gertie_flirty, 2010-12-09 06:17 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]eldritch, 2010-12-09 07:11 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]cmdr_zoom, 2010-12-09 07:18 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ekaterinv, 2010-12-09 10:03 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]aaron_agonistes, 2010-12-09 10:31 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]feenix, 2010-12-10 12:07 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]librarianmouse, 2010-12-10 03:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]feenix, 2010-12-10 10:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]librarianmouse, 2010-12-11 05:12 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cyan_aura, 2010-12-15 05:59 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ellensmithee, 2010-12-09 10:50 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ajatshatru, 2010-12-10 02:44 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]notjo, 2010-12-09 09:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]phosfate, 2010-12-10 01:43 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]notjo, 2010-12-10 01:44 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]malleo, 2010-12-10 12:47 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]librarianmouse, 2010-12-10 03:50 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladyvyola, 2010-12-10 02:40 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]deliciouschaos, 2010-12-10 04:01 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2010-12-10 06:45 am UTC

[info]alexa
2010-12-09 06:26 pm UTC (link)
My response: bring it on.

OOOH ZING. Irreverent!

(Reply to this)


[info]queencallipygos
2010-12-09 07:03 pm UTC (link)
I'm glad to know about this for the blog itself. I'm timidly branching out into my own writing, but I'm also the literary manager for a theater company -- and as such have seen some DOOZIES of cover letters over the years.

(My favorite was one I stopped reading after three sentences -- granted, that third sentence was, "and of course, Cardinal Richelieu is played by a sock puppet.")

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]ghostmaster, 2010-12-09 07:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]isaiddietpepsi, 2010-12-10 07:59 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]overlord_mordax, 2010-12-09 09:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]phosfate, 2010-12-10 01:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]queencallipygos, 2010-12-10 06:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2010-12-10 10:28 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]tofuknight, 2010-12-10 12:36 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladyvyola, 2010-12-10 02:38 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]queencallipygos, 2010-12-10 06:18 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ghostmaster, 2010-12-10 07:35 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]queencallipygos, 2010-12-10 09:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]snarkhunter, 2010-12-15 02:34 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kattahj, 2010-12-18 08:56 pm UTC

[info]magnolia_mama
2010-12-09 07:30 pm UTC (link)
Has anyone alerted Lee Goldberg about this guy?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]northen_light36, 2010-12-09 10:57 pm UTC

[info]misachan
2010-12-09 11:47 pm UTC (link)
He REVISED it?! That is amazing. *goes off to read*

(Reply to this)


[info]feenix
2010-12-10 12:04 am UTC (link)
no one has ever written a fanfic where none of the characters were unrecognizable

He has clearly never been to FFN. Or the dank bowels of LJ. Or...anywhere on the Internet, really.

Also, he and Lady Sy the potato chick should get married. I have a feeling they'd get along very well.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]ilinana, 2010-12-10 12:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]malleo, 2010-12-10 04:26 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]schrodingerscat, 2010-12-10 06:11 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]pyratejenni, 2010-12-10 12:48 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]hadesphoenix, 2010-12-13 12:10 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]hadesphoenix, 2010-12-13 12:10 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]chaos_penguin, 2010-12-10 06:33 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]galateus, 2010-12-10 07:53 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]chaos_penguin, 2010-12-10 08:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ghostmaster, 2010-12-10 05:01 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]feenix, 2010-12-11 03:23 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ghostmaster, 2010-12-11 04:04 pm UTC

[info]seiberwing
2010-12-10 02:59 am UTC (link)
People buy novels because they want to read them, of course. But why would anybody want to read this book? Because it’s funny, or entertaining, or perhaps you’re nostalgic for Gilligan’s Island? Maybe. Or perhaps you’ll want to read it because it will have attracted attention. Controversy. Buzz.

The Last Airbender garnered a bit of criticism too, but it flopped pretty bad. You have to be controversial and have something actually redeemable to read at the same time.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]seiberwing, 2010-12-10 06:46 am UTC

[info]chibikaijuu
2010-12-10 03:09 am UTC (link)
Well, I mean, you *can* publish fanfic. It just has to be of a work in the public domain or with the permission of the rights holder. Or by a publisher that doesn't give a shit, I guess.

(Reply to this)


[info]quantumreality
2010-12-10 03:13 am UTC (link)
To be fair, there is parody material that can be purchased for a relatively nominal sum.

(Reply to this)


[info]duraniedrama
2010-12-10 03:15 am UTC (link)
Why I value those 72 responses isn’t because any of them had any useful advice (although a few did), but rather that attention is good. Any kind of attention.

"OMG! People are paying attention to meeeeeeeeee!"

At least he's being honest about his motives.

(Reply to this)

commercial au crossover fanfic?
[info]galateus
2010-12-10 07:57 am UTC (link)
Maybe if he tried selling it as a Robot Chicken sketch--and make it actually, you know, funny--then it'd work as parody.

(Reply to this)


[info]blue_penguin
2010-12-10 11:26 am UTC (link)
Batshit (ha ha see what I did there) premise or not, his actual writing is not much fun to read judging by the excerpt on his website. Heavy on the telling-not-showing, light on the actually being funny.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]duraniedrama, 2010-12-10 01:36 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]issendai, 2010-12-11 03:22 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]cmdr_zoom, 2010-12-10 05:37 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]blue_penguin, 2010-12-11 01:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cmdr_zoom, 2010-12-11 07:37 am UTC

[info]issendai
2010-12-11 03:33 pm UTC (link)
Stage 1: I'm an awesome, ground-breaking writer! People will love me for my wit and brilliance!

Stage 2: I'm controversial! This is awesome!

Stage 3: I'm /totally/ controversial! Come, hate me! Hate me harder! Hate me, my publicity minions, spread the word of me far and wide on the wings of your hate!

Stage 4: ...Okay, enough with the hate now.

Stage 5: No, really. Enough. Stop it. I never meant it that way. I never said that. You can't prove it. Delete those screenshots, they're a copyright violation! I'm going to call the DMCA, the FBI, and the San Fernando County police on you! I have the Journalfen admins' number and you will be so sorry.

Stage 6: I'm leaving. I'm done! You have killed my artistic spirit. I am never returning to the Internet. Begone, for I am not here, I have risen.

Stage 7: *silence*

Stage 8: *birds chirp*

Stage 9: ...Guys? Remember me? I'm totally controversial?

(Return to Stage 3. Lather, rinse, repeat.)

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]feenix, 2010-12-11 09:52 pm UTC

[info]cyan_aura
2010-12-13 04:37 pm UTC (link)
Sherwood Schwartz would be rolling in his grave, if he had one yet.

(Reply to this)


[info]ashes
2010-12-14 05:31 pm UTC (link)
Query Shark wank? I don't even care what it's about -- though I remember that query, and generally going o_O! -- because it's Query Shark wank! <3

(Reply to this)


[info]squeakthemouse
2010-12-15 12:23 am UTC (link)
Oh man I love unpublished author wank

Unpublished fanfic author trying to publish fanfic? My favorite!

(Reply to this)


 
   
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