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The Ghost Master ([info]ghostmaster) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2010-12-09 11:20:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:authorwank, publishing

If Not For The Wank
Query Shark is a blog where aspiring writers can send their query letters to be looked over by professional agent Janet Reid, and then promptly chewed up, spit out, and glared at it by an angry lamniformes*. Oh, and there's something about insightful critique or some nonsense about helping authors or something silly like that. Anyway...

Query 189 (scroll down for the original version) is a Gilligan's Island/Hawaii 5-0 crossover fanfic in which the Gilligan's Island cast is all suspected of murder and also there is something about magical bat guano and I don't know what this guy was smoking, but I want some. Cue about...ohh, 60 comments of "well, it's an okay idea, I guess, but you should really just post it on FF.Net". A few enterprising web sleuths dig up the author's website, but don't post it for the sake of anonymity.

Cut to a few days later. The comment count has gone up to 73, and the author submits his revised query (which you already noticed in my above link). Now...well, let's let the author explain it, shall we?

"IF NOT FOR THE COURAGE adheres strictly to the legal definition of parody, and thus uses derivative characters under the fair use doctrine. Nevertheless, parodying our beloved seven stranded castaways might very possibly cause a stir. Are you afraid of a bit of controversy? If not, then read on…"

Apparently, a handful of people telling you that you can't publish fanfic and you fail at parody is "controversy" now.

"But where is the wank?" you ask. "This is just a dogpile on a clueless author. It's not like he came back to argue!"

Meet Jason Bloomberg. Jason has C/P'ed selected lines from all his detractors and turned them into praise for his fanfic. It's okay because he admits that they've been edited at the top of his sidebar. Also, bad press is still good press, I know what I'm talking about because I didn't just read Wikipedia, no one has ever written a fanfic where none of the characters were unrecognizable, this book isn't for fans of the show except when it is, and it's an irrefutable parody because Gilligan is gay.

Back at the query, everyone just boggles at the author's giant balls, but it seems to be winding down. I don't expect any future revisions to get much attention, so let me conclude with this delightful quote:

"But questions still remain: will agents and/or publishers steer clear? Would the copyright owner still sue? Will this book create a stir because it uses characters without permission?

My response: bring it on."

*probably used this incorrectly, but thinks it made the sentence sound nice anyway
**It occurs to me in retrospect that this could totally have gone in FW. Somehow, my brain just saw "Query Shark wank!" and ignored the whole "fanfic about Gilligan's Island" part.



(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]gertie_flirty
2010-12-09 06:15 pm UTC (link)
This is hilariously amazing. He keeps thinking his fanfic is legal parody. LOLWUTNO.

From his site:

As to whether INFTC is a parody, the answer is obvious. No character is left in its original form. Skipper and Gilligan gay lovers? Mrs. Howell a Nazi collaborator? Ginger sleeping her way to the top? Puhleeze. Every character is a parody of the original.

Yeah, no, your au!dark?fic version of characters is not parody.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]gertie_flirty
2010-12-09 06:17 pm UTC (link)
Aw, man, the quotes get better as I read more!

Fan Fiction is derivative fiction written by fans of the source material, for fans of the source material. Its characters are always consistent with the characters as presented in the source material.

ORLY.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]eldritch
2010-12-09 07:11 pm UTC (link)
I want to print those two sentence out and frame them.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]cmdr_zoom
2010-12-09 07:18 pm UTC (link)
Woobie!Perfect!Snape is completely IC and canon.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]ekaterinv
2010-12-09 10:03 pm UTC (link)
Particularly when he gets pregnant.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]aaron_agonistes
2010-12-09 10:31 pm UTC (link)
By Harry.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]feenix
2010-12-10 12:07 am UTC (link)
See, that's why Harry had such a thing against him. He was totally fucking Dumbledore in canon, but he had a one-night stand with Snape and now raven-haired, violet-eyed Alyssa Nefertiti Liianna Tortellini Potter Snape is a permanent reminder of Harry's one night of regret.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]librarianmouse
2010-12-10 03:48 am UTC (link)
I don't think it's safe to laugh as hard as I just did at this. I may cough up a lung.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]feenix
2010-12-10 10:38 am UTC (link)
My only regret is that I'm absolutely sure that someone has already written that fic. Complete with the baby name.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]librarianmouse
2010-12-11 05:12 am UTC (link)
Of course they have. Rule 34, and all that.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]cyan_aura
2010-12-15 05:59 pm UTC (link)
"Tortellini?"

"Well yeah, I took him to dinner at Olive Garden first..."

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]ellensmithee
2010-12-09 10:50 pm UTC (link)
Don't you dare make fun of my husband/son on the astral plane!

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]ajatshatru
2010-12-10 02:44 am UTC (link)
OMG INCEST !

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]notjo
2010-12-09 09:56 pm UTC (link)
Yes, of course. Especially when it's always-a-lobster AU.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]phosfate
2010-12-10 01:43 am UTC (link)
I WILL DEFEAT YOU, LOBSTERARITY!

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]notjo
2010-12-10 01:44 am UTC (link)
I HAVE BUTTER. YOU WILL BE TASTY!

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]malleo
2010-12-10 12:47 am UTC (link)
The hell? He must be new.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]librarianmouse
2010-12-10 03:50 am UTC (link)
I see he's never read any fanfic.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]ladyvyola
2010-12-10 02:40 pm UTC (link)
Somebody's new here.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]deliciouschaos
2010-12-10 04:01 pm UTC (link)
That's breathtaking.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]seiberwing
2010-12-10 06:45 am UTC (link)
Call me back when they're all mermaids and Skipper gets Gilligan pregnant.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


(Read comments) -

 
   
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