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The Ghost Master ([info]ghostmaster) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2010-12-09 11:20:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:authorwank, publishing

If Not For The Wank
Query Shark is a blog where aspiring writers can send their query letters to be looked over by professional agent Janet Reid, and then promptly chewed up, spit out, and glared at it by an angry lamniformes*. Oh, and there's something about insightful critique or some nonsense about helping authors or something silly like that. Anyway...

Query 189 (scroll down for the original version) is a Gilligan's Island/Hawaii 5-0 crossover fanfic in which the Gilligan's Island cast is all suspected of murder and also there is something about magical bat guano and I don't know what this guy was smoking, but I want some. Cue about...ohh, 60 comments of "well, it's an okay idea, I guess, but you should really just post it on FF.Net". A few enterprising web sleuths dig up the author's website, but don't post it for the sake of anonymity.

Cut to a few days later. The comment count has gone up to 73, and the author submits his revised query (which you already noticed in my above link). Now...well, let's let the author explain it, shall we?

"IF NOT FOR THE COURAGE adheres strictly to the legal definition of parody, and thus uses derivative characters under the fair use doctrine. Nevertheless, parodying our beloved seven stranded castaways might very possibly cause a stir. Are you afraid of a bit of controversy? If not, then read on…"

Apparently, a handful of people telling you that you can't publish fanfic and you fail at parody is "controversy" now.

"But where is the wank?" you ask. "This is just a dogpile on a clueless author. It's not like he came back to argue!"

Meet Jason Bloomberg. Jason has C/P'ed selected lines from all his detractors and turned them into praise for his fanfic. It's okay because he admits that they've been edited at the top of his sidebar. Also, bad press is still good press, I know what I'm talking about because I didn't just read Wikipedia, no one has ever written a fanfic where none of the characters were unrecognizable, this book isn't for fans of the show except when it is, and it's an irrefutable parody because Gilligan is gay.

Back at the query, everyone just boggles at the author's giant balls, but it seems to be winding down. I don't expect any future revisions to get much attention, so let me conclude with this delightful quote:

"But questions still remain: will agents and/or publishers steer clear? Would the copyright owner still sue? Will this book create a stir because it uses characters without permission?

My response: bring it on."

*probably used this incorrectly, but thinks it made the sentence sound nice anyway
**It occurs to me in retrospect that this could totally have gone in FW. Somehow, my brain just saw "Query Shark wank!" and ignored the whole "fanfic about Gilligan's Island" part.



(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]feenix
2010-12-10 12:04 am UTC (link)
no one has ever written a fanfic where none of the characters were unrecognizable

He has clearly never been to FFN. Or the dank bowels of LJ. Or...anywhere on the Internet, really.

Also, he and Lady Sy the potato chick should get married. I have a feeling they'd get along very well.

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]ilinana
2010-12-10 12:49 am UTC (link)
Yes and then she would let him know that he needs to illustrate his Gilligan's Isle masterpiece in order for it to be copyrighted.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]malleo
2010-12-10 04:26 am UTC (link)
My thoughts exactly.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]schrodingerscat
2010-12-10 06:11 am UTC (link)
I feel like it would only be right for us to throw him a "Welcome to the Internet" party. Complete with dramatic readings of badfic.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]pyratejenni
2010-12-10 12:48 pm UTC (link)
I wonder if there's a reading of "The Eye of Argon" out there?

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]hadesphoenix
2010-12-13 12:10 pm UTC (link)
"Mu Immortal" or "Cloud Mows the Lawn" might best serve.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]hadesphoenix
2010-12-13 12:10 pm UTC (link)
*My Immortal

Dear lord, it's catching.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


[info]chaos_penguin
2010-12-10 06:33 am UTC (link)
With all the double negatives in that sentence, isn't it really saying that no-one has ever written a fanfic where all of the characters were recognisable?

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]galateus
2010-12-10 07:53 am UTC (link)
Yeah, exactly. It took me so long to parse that, I had to start by inverting 'unrecognizable' first.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]chaos_penguin
2010-12-10 08:45 am UTC (link)
It took me about three tries before I was sure I was parsing it right myself.

So, is that what he actually said, or is the wank report just paraphrasing in a slightly confusing way? Because as it is, I'm not sure whether he's congratulating himself on making the characters recognisable (which is how I read it), or whether he's congratulating himself on being so wildly unique and original that 'unrecognisible' is being passed off as a sign of artistic merit (what everyone up thread seems to be thinking).

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]ghostmaster
2010-12-10 05:01 pm UTC (link)
Nah, that was me. The actual line he used was "Its characters are always consistent with the characters as presented in the source material." He was trying to explain why we're stupid for thinking his epic masterpiece is a fanfic and not a parody.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]feenix
2010-12-11 03:23 pm UTC (link)
True, but in that case, shouldn't it be that "no one has ever written a fic where none of the characters were recognizable?" (Or, alternately, "...all of the characters were unrecognizable?") Bloomberg's point is that he's an ICONOCLAST (who probably writes non-woman-hating man porn) writing parody because fanfiction - by default - must be faithful to the source material and canon.

Which I would find offensive were it not for the fact that for certain fandoms, two diametrically opposite things can be equally valid.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)


[info]ghostmaster
2010-12-11 04:04 pm UTC (link)
I have no idea. It makes perfect sense to me.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


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