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The Ghost Master ([info]ghostmaster) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2010-12-09 11:20:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:authorwank, publishing

If Not For The Wank
Query Shark is a blog where aspiring writers can send their query letters to be looked over by professional agent Janet Reid, and then promptly chewed up, spit out, and glared at it by an angry lamniformes*. Oh, and there's something about insightful critique or some nonsense about helping authors or something silly like that. Anyway...

Query 189 (scroll down for the original version) is a Gilligan's Island/Hawaii 5-0 crossover fanfic in which the Gilligan's Island cast is all suspected of murder and also there is something about magical bat guano and I don't know what this guy was smoking, but I want some. Cue about...ohh, 60 comments of "well, it's an okay idea, I guess, but you should really just post it on FF.Net". A few enterprising web sleuths dig up the author's website, but don't post it for the sake of anonymity.

Cut to a few days later. The comment count has gone up to 73, and the author submits his revised query (which you already noticed in my above link). Now...well, let's let the author explain it, shall we?

"IF NOT FOR THE COURAGE adheres strictly to the legal definition of parody, and thus uses derivative characters under the fair use doctrine. Nevertheless, parodying our beloved seven stranded castaways might very possibly cause a stir. Are you afraid of a bit of controversy? If not, then read on…"

Apparently, a handful of people telling you that you can't publish fanfic and you fail at parody is "controversy" now.

"But where is the wank?" you ask. "This is just a dogpile on a clueless author. It's not like he came back to argue!"

Meet Jason Bloomberg. Jason has C/P'ed selected lines from all his detractors and turned them into praise for his fanfic. It's okay because he admits that they've been edited at the top of his sidebar. Also, bad press is still good press, I know what I'm talking about because I didn't just read Wikipedia, no one has ever written a fanfic where none of the characters were unrecognizable, this book isn't for fans of the show except when it is, and it's an irrefutable parody because Gilligan is gay.

Back at the query, everyone just boggles at the author's giant balls, but it seems to be winding down. I don't expect any future revisions to get much attention, so let me conclude with this delightful quote:

"But questions still remain: will agents and/or publishers steer clear? Would the copyright owner still sue? Will this book create a stir because it uses characters without permission?

My response: bring it on."

*probably used this incorrectly, but thinks it made the sentence sound nice anyway
**It occurs to me in retrospect that this could totally have gone in FW. Somehow, my brain just saw "Query Shark wank!" and ignored the whole "fanfic about Gilligan's Island" part.



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[info]issendai
2010-12-11 03:33 pm UTC (link)
Stage 1: I'm an awesome, ground-breaking writer! People will love me for my wit and brilliance!

Stage 2: I'm controversial! This is awesome!

Stage 3: I'm /totally/ controversial! Come, hate me! Hate me harder! Hate me, my publicity minions, spread the word of me far and wide on the wings of your hate!

Stage 4: ...Okay, enough with the hate now.

Stage 5: No, really. Enough. Stop it. I never meant it that way. I never said that. You can't prove it. Delete those screenshots, they're a copyright violation! I'm going to call the DMCA, the FBI, and the San Fernando County police on you! I have the Journalfen admins' number and you will be so sorry.

Stage 6: I'm leaving. I'm done! You have killed my artistic spirit. I am never returning to the Internet. Begone, for I am not here, I have risen.

Stage 7: *silence*

Stage 8: *birds chirp*

Stage 9: ...Guys? Remember me? I'm totally controversial?

(Return to Stage 3. Lather, rinse, repeat.)

(Reply to this)(Thread)


[info]feenix
2010-12-11 09:52 pm UTC (link)
...okay, I stand corrected. It shouldn't be Bloomberg and Potato Chick. It should be Bloomberg and Ch[REDACTED].

Actually, can we do a Bloomberg/Sybsy/Stone threesome? It'd be awesome.

(Reply to this)(Parent)


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