Evil Reads has a mock "contest" modeled on the wank subject, and invites commenters to add their own evil contract clauses. My favorite:

Any attempts to mock the contest in words, pictures, interpretive dance, mime, puppetry, thoughts, or dreams will make the contest angry. The contest will come to your house while you are sleeping. The first time the contest visits, you will not know the contest has been there. You will just find that your belongings have been moved, and you will feel ill at ease. The contest will come again each night. It will stand over you while you sleep. It will bottle your breath in jars. It will take skin samples and store them for future use. The contest will call you sometimes, then hang up when you answer. The contest will send you emails with no content. The contest go to your child's school and hang around out front in a fake ice cream truck, taking photos. The contest reserves all rights to haunt you when it dies.