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cooookies ([info]galletas) wrote in [info]otf_wank,
@ 2011-03-28 21:19:00


Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:authorwank, reviews, self-published

"You are a big rat and a snake with poisenous venom."
BigAl posts book reviews to his book blog "Books and Pals." Recently he posted an honest but critical review of Jacqueline Howett's "The Greek Seaman," giving it a two star rating because of its "numerous proofing, typo, and grammar issues."

Jacqueline Howett is not amused.

You obviously didn't read the second clean copy I requested you download that was also reformatted, so this is a very unfair review. My Amazon readers/reviewers give it 5 stars and 4 stars and they say they really enjoyed The Greek Seaman and thought it was well written. Maybe its just my style and being English is what you don't get. Sorry it wasn't your cup of tea, but I think I will stick to my five star and four star reviews thanks.

She then proceeds to copy-paste three of her favorite Amazon reviews of her book. BigAl responds, letting her know that the formatting wasn't an issue.

Howett responds with this gem.

My writing is just fine!

You did not download the fresh copy.... you did not. No way!

As to annoymous

Al was given the option of a free copy from smashwords the following day to download in any format he preffered.


Look AL, I'm not in the mood for playing snake with you, what I read above has no flaws. My writing is fine. You were told to download a new copy for format problems the very next day while they were free at Smashwords, so you could choose any format you wanted to read it in and if their were any spelling mistakes they were corrected. Simply remove this review as it is in error with you not downloading the fresh copy i insisted. Why review my book after being told to do this, and more annoying why have you never ever responded to any of my e-mails?

And please follow up now from e-mail.
This is not only discusting and unprofessional on your part, but you really don't fool me AL.

Who are you any way? Really who are you?
What do we know about you?

You never downloaded another copy you liar!
You never ever returned to me an e-mail

Besides if you want to throw crap at authors you should first ask their permission if they want it stuck up on the internet via e-mail. That debate is high among authors.

Your the target not me!
Now get this review off here!


She then claims all the anonymous commenters are actually BigAl and that BigAl should remove the bad review or else it's "considered abuse."

She just doesn't know when to stop.

I especially like that last link for this comment: "Well what should I expect of anyone associated to Big ALs snake pit and rat hole. You are a big rat and a snake with poisenous venom. Lots of luck to authors who come here and slip in that!"

And, of course, it ends with a "Fuck off!"

EDIT: I missed the "Fuck off!" Part Deuce. And here's an excerpt of "The Greek Seaman" on her website, if you'd like to read more about Greek seaman.




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[info]keri
2011-03-29 02:11 am UTC (link)
My favorite part is that when someone says
Here are a couple sample sentences from the first two chapters that gave me pause and are representative of what I found difficult while reading.

"She carried her stocky build carefully back down the stairs."

"Don and Katy watched hypnotically Gino place more coffees out at another table with supreme balance."


Jacqueline responds first that "but formatting was fixed in the new copy!" and later "there's nothing wrong with those sentences". Because that's totes a formatting thing, and also those sentences make so much sense.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]quantumreality, 2011-03-29 04:31 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]sistercoyote, 2011-03-29 03:44 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]librarianmouse, 2011-03-29 04:37 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]feenix, 2011-03-29 05:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]tofuknight, 2011-03-31 01:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tachikoma01, 2011-03-29 04:40 pm UTC
WARNING: UNFUNNY AHEAD. - [info]feenix, 2011-03-29 09:35 pm UTC
Re: WARNING: UNFUNNY AHEAD. - [info]sleepyjean, 2011-03-30 12:16 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]phosfate, 2011-03-29 06:26 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]shinga, 2011-03-29 06:51 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]librarianmouse, 2011-03-30 03:10 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lied_ohne_worte, 2011-03-29 08:56 pm UTC
Extremely Late to the Party - [info]pfeffermuse, 2011-04-08 11:34 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]veneotaqueen, 2011-03-29 11:36 am UTC

[info]serafina20
2011-03-29 02:29 am UTC (link)
...

There's too much seamen in the title for me to take it seriously.

*hides

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]tehrin, 2011-03-29 03:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]serafina20, 2011-03-29 03:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]scifantasy, 2011-03-29 12:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]blue_penguin, 2011-03-29 01:45 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]phosfate, 2011-03-29 01:09 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]empy, 2011-03-29 03:38 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]irised, 2011-04-06 08:40 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tachikoma01, 2011-03-29 04:40 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bitca, 2011-03-30 01:03 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tofuknight, 2011-03-31 01:27 pm UTC

[info]the__ivorytower
2011-03-29 02:33 am UTC (link)
If her comment writing is anything like her book writing... the formatting was not the problem.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - ealusaid, 2011-03-29 02:57 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kosaginolegion, 2011-03-29 03:13 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]tehrin, 2011-03-29 03:19 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2011-03-29 05:00 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]caffeine_fairy, 2011-03-29 07:58 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]varethane, 2011-03-29 08:14 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]calatha, 2011-03-29 10:17 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]librarianmouse, 2011-03-29 03:04 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]oxfordcomma, 2011-03-30 12:59 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]julian_black, 2011-03-30 01:03 am UTC
(no subject) - tetradecimal, 2011-03-29 03:50 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]cmdr_zoom, 2011-03-29 05:17 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]duraniedrama, 2011-03-29 08:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2011-03-29 09:27 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]maybebaby, 2011-03-29 10:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]threegoldfish, 2011-03-29 11:50 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]oxfordcomma, 2011-03-30 01:06 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]cmdr_zoom, 2011-03-30 01:52 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]irised, 2011-04-06 08:55 pm UTC

ealusaid
2011-03-29 02:38 am UTC (link)
This is delicious.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]cleolinda, 2011-03-29 02:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]juliansinger, 2011-03-29 03:01 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]galletas, 2011-03-29 04:19 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]edelweiss, 2011-03-29 05:42 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2011-03-29 05:28 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]magnolia_mama, 2011-03-29 10:08 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]fern_on_fen, 2011-03-29 03:03 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ladyvyola, 2011-03-29 01:34 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]cyan_aura, 2011-03-30 08:34 pm UTC

[info]spawn_of_kong
2011-03-29 02:39 am UTC (link)
Heh. "Seaman."

*is twelve*

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]mindset, 2011-03-29 05:18 am UTC

[info]caito
2011-03-29 02:44 am UTC (link)
Who are you any way? Really who are you?
What do we know about you?

You never downloaded another copy you liar!
You never ever returned to me an e-mail


I feel like that should be set to interpretive dance or something.

Also, Big Al's snake pit and rat hole? Bitch, please. It's Al's Toy Barn, now go rewatch Toy Story 2.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - ealusaid, 2011-03-29 02:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2011-03-29 05:01 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mindset, 2011-03-29 05:22 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]varethane, 2011-03-29 07:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]a_mae_zing, 2011-04-04 04:32 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]bubosquared, 2011-03-29 10:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]fern_on_fen, 2011-03-29 03:07 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]also_not_a_pipe, 2011-03-30 02:46 am UTC

[info]khym_chanur
2011-03-29 03:01 am UTC (link)
Alice says:
From a public relations standpoint, Jacqueline Howett, I advise you to STOP the negative comments.
Jacqueline Howett responds:
Fuck off!
Ahhhh, classy.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]kosaginolegion, 2011-03-29 03:16 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]anarchicq, 2011-03-29 03:35 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]delcj, 2011-03-29 03:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]anarchicq, 2011-03-29 03:58 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]delcj, 2011-03-29 04:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kosaginolegion, 2011-03-29 02:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]visp, 2011-03-29 04:47 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]feenix, 2011-03-29 05:16 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]juliansinger, 2011-03-29 07:13 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]kosaginolegion, 2011-03-29 03:19 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]emily_goddess, 2011-04-01 09:48 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kosaginolegion, 2011-03-29 12:09 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]phosfate, 2011-03-29 01:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]librarianmouse, 2011-03-29 03:10 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]kosaginolegion, 2011-03-29 03:18 pm UTC

[info]tehrin
2011-03-29 03:17 am UTC (link)
On top of seaman, someone has a snake fixation. You're telling us a lot about yourself, Jacqueline.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]keri, 2011-03-29 04:34 am UTC

[info]visp
2011-03-29 04:40 am UTC (link)
My writing is just fine!

Me talk good!

Actually, her reading isn't so hot either. How can you read "These sentences have, IMO, bad grammar," and pick up "I didn't like the format?" He (I assume Al's a he) pointed out the exact sentences he didn't like. How can that be confused with format?

(Reply to this)


[info]puipui
2011-03-29 04:47 am UTC (link)
As to annoymous

Al was given the option of a free copy from smashwords the following day to download in any format he preffered.

Look AL, I'm not in the mood for playing snake with you, what I read above has no flaws.


This is the most beautiful thing I have read today. Shine on, you wanky badly-grammared diamond! You are genius.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]galletas, 2011-03-29 04:56 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2011-03-29 05:03 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]galletas, 2011-03-29 05:07 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2011-03-29 05:09 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]bubosquared, 2011-03-29 10:49 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]evilsqueakers, 2011-03-29 06:08 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2011-03-29 05:26 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]librarianmouse, 2011-03-29 05:28 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2011-03-29 05:35 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]danceswithelvis, 2011-03-29 08:38 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]puipui, 2011-03-29 09:30 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]cmdr_zoom, 2011-03-29 05:25 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mad_teacup, 2011-03-30 01:54 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lied_ohne_worte, 2011-03-29 08:58 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tofuknight, 2011-03-31 01:32 pm UTC

[info]puipui
2011-03-29 05:58 am UTC (link)
Ahahahaha!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]commathulhu, 2011-03-29 07:20 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]ruffwriter, 2011-03-29 06:55 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]chikane, 2011-03-29 07:42 pm UTC

[info]commathulhu
2011-03-29 07:27 am UTC (link)
The part about how not removing the review or else it's abuse and the OMG REPLY TO MY EMAILS, YOU LIAR reminds me of when I was at university and my biology lecturer was telling us about the weirdest end of year anon feedback he'd ever gotten. It was, "You ignored me. You abused me."

This wank is like a Where Are They Now.

(Reply to this)


[info]varethane
2011-03-29 08:20 am UTC (link)
Oh man every single one of her comments is hilarious! How does she even come up with these wordings? HOW DO YOU EVEN DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS WITHOUT TRYING TO.

THIS DEBATE IS HIGH AMONG AUTHORS

YOU NEVER EVER RETURNED TO ME AN E-MAIL

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - tetradecimal, 2011-03-29 04:00 pm UTC

[info]northen_light36
2011-03-29 10:21 am UTC (link)
*reads*

*closes eyes*

*sighes*

I'd say authors should be banned from the net, but I'd go insane without it.

(Reply to this)


[info]loopywafflehead
2011-03-29 10:24 am UTC (link)
This review on Amazon is the best:

This book is great. It grips you so hard that sometimes you feel like YOU are the book and THE BOOK is reading you. The best character in the book is Gino. Gino is a waiter and an acrobat. He is good at both jobs, placing coffees on tables and performing supreme balancing acts at the same time. I think he is also a magician, since he hypnotizes some of his customers. This must be why he gets such good tips. I give the book 4 stars because there is not enough Gino. Give the people what they want, Ms. Howett!

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]librarianmouse, 2011-03-29 03:06 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]loopywafflehead, 2011-03-29 06:38 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]tofuknight, 2011-03-31 01:33 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]franzen, 2011-03-29 05:26 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]undomielregina, 2011-03-29 06:14 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]loopywafflehead, 2011-03-29 06:37 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]phosfate, 2011-03-29 06:21 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]loopywafflehead, 2011-03-29 06:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]phosfate, 2011-03-29 06:56 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]loopywafflehead, 2011-03-29 08:40 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]phosfate, 2011-03-29 09:14 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]loopywafflehead, 2011-03-29 09:59 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]mad_teacup, 2011-03-30 02:00 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]loopywafflehead, 2011-03-30 07:19 pm UTC

[info]ashenmote
2011-03-29 11:25 am UTC (link)
But which of the 'Fuck off!'s is the final version I'm supposed to read?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]galletas, 2011-03-29 07:03 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]oxfordcomma, 2011-03-30 01:18 am UTC
Thinking too hard about this
[info]solelyfictional
2011-03-29 12:28 pm UTC (link)
Most of the mistakes wouldn't work any better in spoken English than written, which makes me wonder if English is her second language. The bio on her blog suggests otherwise, though. She might be bilingual, I guess, and carrying Greek sentence structure into English?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: Thinking too hard about this - [info]fern_on_fen, 2011-03-29 03:39 pm UTC
Re: Thinking too hard about this - [info]solelyfictional, 2011-03-29 06:48 pm UTC
Re: Thinking too hard about this - [info]juliansinger, 2011-03-30 03:41 am UTC
Re: Thinking too hard about this - [info]fern_on_fen, 2011-03-30 05:06 pm UTC
Re: Thinking too hard about this - [info]juliansinger, 2011-03-31 06:53 am UTC
Re: Thinking too hard about this - [info]julian_black, 2011-03-30 01:27 am UTC
Re: Thinking too hard about this - [info]julian_black, 2011-03-30 01:43 am UTC
Re: Thinking too hard about this - [info]vzg, 2011-03-31 11:03 pm UTC
Re: Thinking too hard about this - [info]jupiterpluvius, 2011-03-30 03:09 am UTC
Re: Thinking too hard about this - [info]yattara, 2011-03-30 01:09 pm UTC
Re: Thinking too hard about this - [info]vzg, 2011-03-31 11:05 pm UTC

[info]blue_penguin
2011-03-29 01:48 pm UTC (link)
Big Al just makes me think of the Vocaloid, which adds a whole new weird dimension to this thing.

(Reply to this)


[info]jkefka
2011-03-29 03:52 pm UTC (link)
She made the "your/you're" fuckup in one of her comments. What was she griping about in Al's review again?

(Reply to this)


[info]also_not_a_pipe
2011-03-29 03:54 pm UTC (link)
Just look at your ball all of you....look at you.

Come on now, lady, not everyone can throw together the Grand Galloping Gala of the Internet at the last minute. As long as everyone respects the "no denim" rule, I'm sure their ball will be just fine.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - tetradecimal, 2011-03-29 04:05 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]the__ivorytower, 2011-03-29 04:29 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]undomielregina, 2011-03-29 06:15 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]the__ivorytower, 2011-03-29 06:17 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]librarianmouse, 2011-03-30 02:23 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]oxfordcomma, 2011-03-30 01:20 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]mad_teacup, 2011-03-30 02:02 am UTC

[info]cat_mcdougall
2011-03-29 06:43 pm UTC (link)
Neil Gaiman has chimed in.

... I agree with him.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]empy, 2011-03-29 06:45 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]singe, 2011-03-30 03:03 am UTC

[info]empy
2011-03-29 06:44 pm UTC (link)
Ha! GNeil linked to the Books and Pals post over on Twitter: "If you ever have dreams of being a writer, please trust me & DON'T DO THIS: [link] Just don't. Just.... don't. #CantLookAway"

(Reply to this)


[info]chikane
2011-03-29 07:42 pm UTC (link)
The book is out there doing well without your comments. My first book is great! and I intend to promote now without your ball. Face it AL, you did a booboo, and you can't correct it!

Now that is hilarious irony.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

(no subject) - [info]jasonvermilion, 2012-01-29 03:34 pm UTC

[info]rogueunit
2011-03-29 08:09 pm UTC (link)
I just keep thinking that with this business about a ball, Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Ball!

(Reply to this)


[info]duraniedrama
2011-03-29 09:09 pm UTC (link)
As soon as The Neil tweeted about it, I knew it would wind up here.

When has a writer ever responded to a less-than-glowing review without it ending in a spectacular trainwreck with a bunch of other writers holding it up as an example of What Not To Do?

(Reply to this)



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