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"You are a big rat and a snake with poisenous venom."
BigAl posts book reviews to his book blog "Books and Pals." Recently he posted an honest but critical review of Jacqueline Howett's "The Greek Seaman," giving it a two star rating because of its "numerous proofing, typo, and grammar issues."

Jacqueline Howett is not amused.

You obviously didn't read the second clean copy I requested you download that was also reformatted, so this is a very unfair review. My Amazon readers/reviewers give it 5 stars and 4 stars and they say they really enjoyed The Greek Seaman and thought it was well written. Maybe its just my style and being English is what you don't get. Sorry it wasn't your cup of tea, but I think I will stick to my five star and four star reviews thanks.

She then proceeds to copy-paste three of her favorite Amazon reviews of her book. BigAl responds, letting her know that the formatting wasn't an issue.

Howett responds with this gem.

My writing is just fine!

You did not download the fresh copy.... you did not. No way!

As to annoymous

Al was given the option of a free copy from smashwords the following day to download in any format he preffered.

Look AL, I'm not in the mood for playing snake with you, what I read above has no flaws. My writing is fine. You were told to download a new copy for format problems the very next day while they were free at Smashwords, so you could choose any format you wanted to read it in and if their were any spelling mistakes they were corrected. Simply remove this review as it is in error with you not downloading the fresh copy i insisted. Why review my book after being told to do this, and more annoying why have you never ever responded to any of my e-mails?

And please follow up now from e-mail.
This is not only discusting and unprofessional on your part, but you really don't fool me AL.

Who are you any way? Really who are you?
What do we know about you?

You never downloaded another copy you liar!
You never ever returned to me an e-mail

Besides if you want to throw crap at authors you should first ask their permission if they want it stuck up on the internet via e-mail. That debate is high among authors.

Your the target not me!
Now get this review off here!

She then claims all the anonymous commenters are actually BigAl and that BigAl should remove the bad review or else it's "considered abuse."

She just doesn't know when to stop.

I especially like that last link for this comment: "Well what should I expect of anyone associated to Big ALs snake pit and rat hole. You are a big rat and a snake with poisenous venom. Lots of luck to authors who come here and slip in that!"

And, of course, it ends with a "Fuck off!"

EDIT: I missed the "Fuck off!" Part Deuce. And here's an excerpt of "The Greek Seaman" on her website, if you'd like to read more about Greek seaman.

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keri
2011-03-29 02:11 am UTC (link)

My favorite part is that when someone says

Here are a couple sample sentences from the first two chapters that gave me pause and are representative of what I found difficult while reading.

"She carried her stocky build carefully back down the stairs."

"Don and Katy watched hypnotically Gino place more coffees out at another table with supreme balance."

Jacqueline responds first that "but formatting was fixed in the new copy!" and later "there's nothing wrong with those sentences". Because that's totes a formatting thing, and also those sentences make so much sense.

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	quantumreality 2011-03-29 04:31 am UTC (link)
	I can't even decipher that second sentence. (O_O) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	sistercoyote 2011-03-29 03:44 pm UTC (link)
	I think she's trying to say "Don and Katy found Gino's supreme balance at placing more coffees on another table hypnotic" but I don't actually know. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	librarianmouse 2011-03-29 04:37 am UTC (link)
	Don and Katy watched hypnotically Gino place more coffees out at another table with supreme balance. Sometimes I like to put random sentences into Babelfish. I translate them into other languages and back into English, just to see how it turns out. This sentence looks exactly like something you would come up with by playing the Babelfish game. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	feenix 2011-03-29 05:14 am UTC (link)
	Don and Katy with another table where the highest balance has been attached looked at the place of [jino] in many coffee hypnotic characteristics. Wear also been careful Katy hypnotically place of Gino more coffees outside in a other table with the maximum balance. ...somehow, those make more sense than the original. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	tofuknight 2011-03-31 01:25 pm UTC (link)
	I kinda like the first one. It sounds like some philosophy paper at 5am and strung out on caffeine. :D (Reply to this)(Parent)

	tachikoma01 2011-03-29 04:40 pm UTC (link)
	Non-native English speaker was my first thought too. Specifically, it sounds a lot like the Singlish I've seen on asian fandom forums. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	WARNING: UNFUNNY AHEAD. feenix 2011-03-29 09:35 pm UTC (link)
	...and we have a winner, I think. She's not Chinese, though - actually from her bio, her mother's Greek and her father was in the RAF. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	Re: WARNING: UNFUNNY AHEAD. sleepyjean 2011-03-30 12:16 am UTC (link)
	I would guess non-native English speaker as well, but in her first comment she says she's English. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	phosfate 2011-03-29 06:26 pm UTC (link)
	Sometimes I love to place random proposals into Babelfish. I transfer them into other languages and tail end into English, exactly in order to see as he turns outside. This proposal looks accurately as something you they would arrive with the way to upward play the game Of babelfish. ...that's uncanny! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	shinga 2011-03-29 06:51 pm UTC (link)
	translationparty.com ;) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	librarianmouse 2011-03-30 03:10 am UTC (link)
	Oooooooh, a shiny new toy! And it's not even my birthday until next week! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	lied_ohne_worte 2011-03-29 08:56 pm UTC (link)
	That's what I thought. My experiments with German sentences usually end up like that. (Reply to this)(Parent)

Extremely Late to the Party

pfeffermuse
2011-04-08 11:34 pm UTC (link)

Actually, when I read those first two sentences, my first thought was that the author was channelling the late Ernie Wise as he wrote another one of his "mammoth spectaculars": They walked hand-in-hand along the banks of the Seine. It wasn't easy: he was on the Left Bank and she was on the right. . . .They sat drinking coffee at a sidewalk café in Paris, just outside of France, when they were run over by a dust cart.

Of course someone forgot to tell her that Wise was a comedian.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

	veneotaqueen 2011-03-29 11:36 am UTC (link)
	Damn, I'm not a English native speaker and even I realize they have something wrong! It looks a bit like Spanish syntax with the first, but the second one is lacking of some adverbs here and there. Sorry, but the right answer is "Teach me more, sensei!", not "But I already correeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeecteeeeeeeed theeeem! Whaaaah, you meanie!" (Reply to this)(Parent)

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