'I didn't make it up, beyotch! I had a friend who faked her own kidnapping!'
Many thanks to the anon on wank_report for this one.

Julie Halpern is an author of YA books. She discovers the following review of her book, Don’t Stop Now:

I had high hopes for Don’t Stop Now by Julie Halpern. Y’all, it is a road trip book. Enough said. I love road trip books. Several of my favorite YA contemporary roads involve them. Needless to say, I was hoping to add Don’t Stop Now to that list. Unfortunately – it let me down in a big way.

The plot of Don’t Stop Now is totally weird. Lillian finds out that her friend Penny has faked her own kidnapping. She decides to track Penny down because the police and FBI are all over the situation. Lillian is freaked out. Can I just say – uhhh. The entire Penny debacle was kinda ridiculous. A plot line made up so that a road trip could come into play is what I got out of it. Lillian recruits her best friend Josh (and Josh’s car and credit card) to take her to Oregon – and Penny. Totally throwaway.

Anyway, putting all that aside. Lillian isn’t the smartest gal I’ve come across. For reasons other than heading out to find Penny herself instead of just telling the FBI where she is. She is wondering whether or not she and Josh should be more than friends. Well, I can take that one: NO.

To be frank (and slightly mean), Josh is a sorry excuse for a male MC. He is a total jerk. (Take my word for it. I’ve already given my copy of Don’t Stop Now away so I can include specific examples.) Lillian was funny, mostly intelligent (other than in her choice of friends) and incredibly nice. Girl: you can do better. I promise.

So, I don’t really much to say about this one other than the negative. The plot and characters completely let me down. Even if you’re normally a fan of road trip books – I don’t recommend Don’t Stop Now. If you have read and enjoyed it – make sure and let me know what I missed! I love talking to people with different opinions.

Enjoy the author's mature and professional response under the cut!


Halpern's first post (all posts have sadly been deleted but you can read the comments on this one via Google cache):


Google Trash

I awoke this morning with my usual google search of myself, and I came across a nasty review of "Don't Stop Now." I ALMOST responded. I fucking hate people who write nasty reviews! You already know that if you've read this blog post of mine. (Um, you probably already know that anyway.) There is nothing redeeming about this one. And, like I noted in my other post, the blogger goes there: "A plot line made up so that a road trip could come into play." Ugh! I didn't make it up, beyotch! I had a friend who faked her own kidnapping! Grrrr. She insults my main character and writes this amazingly insightful line in her "review" : "The plot of Don’t Stop Now is totally weird." Wow. Great. Okay. What really pisses me off is this blog has a ton of followers, who, by the two comments already posted, are just as delightful and loving as the blogger.

I know it should not matter what this blogger says about my book (and after just reading her bio, which has much in the way of potential mocking, I am just going to rise above). Because I am already SO FAR ABOVE in my life. Ooh, that was kind of mean, right? But I know this type of person, one who doesn't have their own accomplishments so they have to dog on anyone and anything to make themselves feel bigger and better. That's all bullies are, right? And hilariously, the internet has turned so many of the once bullied into bullies. Now that they have a voice and an audience, it's time for their power to come to fruition. But they're going about it the wrong way.

Negativity is never the way to beat down those who tormented you (is this sounding like I tormented bloggers? I just mean that, in my opinion, those who write critical reviews lacking in any actual thoughtful criticism obviously have some issues they're working through from the safety of their computer desk). Instead, why don't you get out and do something great for the world? Create something meaningful. Find happiness. Because what you're doing is DISCOURAGING PEOPLE FROM READING. Even a negative review, when written well and from an open-minded perspective, can give readers insight into whether they, no matter how the reviewer feels about a book, might like it. As a librarian, I may hate some books, but I would NEVER stop someone from reading a book. I even suggest books I hate to people because who am I to say whether someone else should or should not read a book? So, Ms. Blogger, you say you'd like to get your Library Science degree? Time to start thinking like a librarian.

I guess I did respond.


After receiving a slew of negative comments (including one from a friend of the reviewer), she responds with a second post:


Oh, Internet, How I Love and Loathe You

Take a breather, everyone. Geez! I am sorry to say that I will not even read all of the comments on my blog because I don't like the negativity. Yes, I was negative. Yes, that is hypocritical. But understand this: bashing a review of a book? That's bashing a few paragraphs that someone put some minutes into. Bashing a novel that someone put their heart soul, time, and life into? WAY DIFFERENT. And if you think my blog was not cool in some way because I used the word "beyotch" then you obviously wouldn't find my books funny anyway.

All of y'all who said I was mean because I mentioned things from the blogger's bio: you are correct. But one can never assume that what an author writes in their fiction is "unrealistic" or "ridiculous" because SHIT HAPPENS. To all of us. Do those of you who wrote negative things feel better? Is this how we should be spending our time? I'm writing a response because I don't feel good about saying mean things about the blogger. I apologize for that. But I hope this is a wake up call to bloggers that AUTHORS ARE READING YOUR REVIEWS. That doesn't mean you need to like every book, but try to be a little more thoughtful about the way you see things. I wake up and google myself because I love to read NICE things people say about my books. I love to find a teen who discovered something that they related to, or an adult who was bummed out and read one of my books and laughed, or song lyrics someone composed for a school assignment about one of my books.

I wish there was a "Negative Review" internet filter because then I wouldn't run into any of the things that ruin my day. It's very hurtful to know that so many people are reading negative things about something I worked so hard on, something I may or may not have lived through, and something I really like. Think about that. So all you book bloggers out there, try to make your next review a positive one about a book you really liked. Let's get more people reading instead of spewing hate.


And then, finally, the last post:


One More Time

Please stop commenting on my posts if you are unhappy with what I write. If you don't want to read what I write, as many of you said in previous comments, then stop reading it. It's making me sick that people are getting off on keeping this up.

ETA: Added link to the author's blog, which I forgot to do the first time around.

ETAx2: Broke up the text so it's easier to read. And it seems this is the month for author freakouts (thanks for the link, cleolinda): http://cuddlebuggery.blogspot.com/2012/01/first-five-days-on-goodreads.html