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internet pseuicide: don't do it, lying liars who lie

wank, glorious wank.
So, the last few years of fandom lurking have spoilt me for quality drama to the degree that my everyday life is now serene and calm and completely devoid of any kind of wank or fuckery. For 99% of the time, that's great, but occasionally, the fanging for some good old fashioned dramz just gets the better of me.

What I really want, I think to myself once in a while, is a real-life wank that has *everything*: phony deaths, a bit of sympathy-scamming, easily verifiable lies, outright batshittery, and it preferably has to happen in Australia so that I have an 'in' on the context.

And like a beautiful, delicate snowflake falling upon the most virgin of blossoms, that wish was bestowed upon me. Not only in Australia, but in my home town, of all places!

Meet Clint Acworth, a some-time teacher now facing the banhammer with the Department of Education for ~~spectacular falsehoods worthy of inclusion in the Msscribe story~~ some creative life writing. His adventures included:

*Inventing a tragic family car accident that left him caring for three orphaned relatives, and being gifted with money and supplies afterwards by his co-workers to help raise the youngin's!

*Inventing a beautiful cop girlfriend who was shot on duty, and according to the Queensland Police, never existed!

*Falsely and publicly claiming to be a counsellor earning $85k per year on the Kid's Help Line - even though they'd never heard of him!

And plenty more!

Former students and classmates are corroborating the spectacular web of lies on reddit (trigger warning for typical homophobic fuckery as one might come to expect over there). I suspect there will be more to come over the next few weeks.

And the funniest/most depressing part? Not a shred of remorse or self-awareness.

Whats even more interesting is that he posted last night that there was some stuff written about him and that it's not true. And I quote "Sadly though, a former fb friend of mine has decided to stab me in the back when I am already down". This is after he deleted all the posts about his dead girlfriend and removed the pic. I think he will continue the charade for as long as he can. Quite sad really.

*Sniff* I salute you, fallen wanker. I salute you.

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lainey
2012-01-16 04:15 am UTC (link)

haha I've received those looks too. I do pet-sitting and have walked up to five dogs at once. Definitely got a lot of stares and questions! I really enjoy it, though. It's interesting to see how the dogs relate with each other and with me. There would often be jockeying for the position of who sat next to me on the couch and on my lap. The group of five, which included my dog and my roomie's dog, was the group I most often babysat. Funnily enough, my dog was the least competitive for my attention. He was a very independent little guy, though.

One of my fondest memories was when we would all sit in the living room together. It was much like you describe everyone in your comment. Kitties on the couch arms and back of the couch, dogs on my lap and beside me, and the big dog, Tina, sleeping against my ankles. So peaceful and comfortable! Everyone, except for one dog (Friska), has passed on but it makes me happy to think back on it.

I've had similar problems to what you've had with Duncan and Zach. Separation was the solution for mine too. Even right now, my two cats need to be occasionally separated. One is 2 years old and the other is 14 and when they fight...it can get pretty violent, unfortunately. So rather than let it get to that point, I've set up a room for the elder cat (Bebey) with her bed, litter, food/water, toys, and a heater. It doesn't get used often now which I'm very happy about. It's upsetting when two of your pets don't get along, isn't it? I'm glad that Duncan and Zach are doing better with each other. I bet the incident with the mastiff was a hot topic of conversation at the dog park for quite a while afterward!

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risha
2012-01-16 06:18 am UTC (link)

Walking that many at once is not really all that difficult once you've practiced a little, right? Just need a lot of patience and good untangling skills. It does get you a lot of respect from people who've never done it, though.

I was miserable for months, trying to figure out what to do if I could never have Zach and Duncan in the same room again. I eventually resorted to a muzzle, which I'd never used before. I still have it sitting in the kitchen, just in case. (I used the wire kind where they can open their mouths to eat and drink and pant, with soft leather and lots of padding, so it wasn't really horrible. But I still felt terrible every day when I put it on him.)

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