Entry tags:

Author wank, oh boy!
(Thank you to a mouse on wank_report for the following post which I am plagiarizing)

Self-published author Michael Robb Matthias make a self-promotional post in the forums of Fantasy Faction. Fantasy Faction is perfectly okay with authors promoting their work, provided they do it in the proper place, but moves said post into the "self-published and small presses" category where it belongs.

Robb duly takes this for the TERRIBLE INSULT that it is.

I am not a small press. I am an author with 18 titles for sale. That is more titles that some big publishing houses. I have advertising currently running in Locus, Publishers Weekly, Fantasy and Sci Fi, and Revolver magazines. I have blog advertising across the entire blog-o-sphere. I am not a small press or even self published. M. R. Mathias' books are PUBLISHED by Michael Robb Mathias Jr. and should be treated no differently that any big named publishers title. WHY? Because I do my job as a publisher too. Please quit sending my posts into the self published/small press thread. My titles are neither. I have 92k twitter followers @DahgMahn and 10 titles in their genre bestselling list. There is nothing self pubbed, or small, about books written by M. R. Mathias.
Thank you,
M.R.Mathias' publisher, Michael Robb Mathias Jr.

Commenters point out that this is... not really the best way to go about things and are accused of e-bullying, being sick, petty, and "jelous".

The mods close things despite the protests of a crowd of gleeful spectators on Twitter who aren't ready for the drama to end yet. Fantasy Faction posts a follow-up the next day, including a summary of the events on the forum, some mildly worrisome self-glorifying tweets, a few reviews indicating these glorious works of fiction are less than glorious, and Mr. Robb's claims of how we're all just jealous.

The fun continues on Twitter, where among other things, Mr. Robb calls Fantasy Faction Nazis and complains of censorship. He has at least four aliases on Twitter: @Michael_Robb @BookReTweeter @MrStubbs @NocturnMP3. But don't worry, they are, he informs people, all "licensed". Are your twitter handles "licensed," peons? I THINK NOT!

https://twitter.com/#!/dahgmahn seems to be where most of the action is -- but at one point, NocturnMP3 (admitted as being another sock) steps into defend...himself:

@fantasyfaction You suck, but only for banning M.R. He did NOTHING WRONG!

This entire conversation is comedy gold, of course.

@Gollancz I wanted to market my books to faction readers not indie authors. Its basic buisness. I dont want to now. Faction is all BULLIES!

Further highlights include this, to author M.D Lachlan:

@mdlachlan Ah you have publishers? 5th draft? You must suck as a writer. My #bestseller was wriiten with a pen in a prison cell. Two drafts.

WITH A PEN IN A PRISON CELL.

For your pleasure, you may also marvel at the spinning skulls and note the name of the main character of his latest book on his website.

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alya1989262
2012-05-23 04:50 pm UTC (link)

From an interview he did:

Are you a traditionally published author or indie? I am a self published author.

...

Other highlights include:

What made you decide this route? I had been querying, and I received a response stating that my work was great, but my criminal record scared them.

What was your biggest resource of information as an indie author? Honestly? The Thesaurus and the Dictionary that work in MSWord.

If you were a superhero what would your name be? Captain Corn Flake… I don’t know, probably The Dragon!

My favorite writing snack is wine and fruit snacks, do you have a favorite? Tortilla chips, with queso, or Cheetoes, always with crystal light lemonade.

He's like an overgrown nerdboy!

And an excerpt from his next fantasy novel, emphasis mine:

Hyden rose and shoved himself away from the table. His chair went tumbling over behind him with a force that startled the others. “No,” he yelled. “The silver skull is my responsibility, and I swear I’ll get it back from her.” He heaved a heavy breath. Putting his closed fists on the table, he leaned over and looked High King Mikahl directly in the eyes. “You use the power of that sword to get Phen and the princess out of harm’s way. I will fix the follies of my family like I should’ve done long ago.”

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	tiye 2012-05-23 05:40 pm UTC (link)
	reads interview excerpts facepalms hard I was also thinking that there's got to be a name for that particular trope in bad writing where characters are constantly sighing, pouting, stomping, knocking their chairs over dramatically, pounding their fists on things . . . (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	cmdr_zoom 2012-05-24 12:36 am UTC (link)
	All I know is the live-action theatrical equivalent, Milking the Giant Cow. (raise arms, clench fists, wave dramatically) (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	full_metal_ox 2012-05-24 07:40 pm UTC (link)
	This William Shatner impersonator provides a stellar demonstration of the trope. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	librarianmouse 2012-05-23 07:49 pm UTC (link)
	I hereby declare that we shall refer to the wanker exclusively as "Captain Corn Flake." (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	mirhanda 2012-05-23 07:57 pm UTC (link)
	Seconded (Reply to this)(Parent)

	ekaterinv 2012-05-24 04:29 am UTC (link)
	He heaved a heavy breath. How does someone create that sentence in all seriousness? I don't understand how it's possible to put those words in that order and not realize what you did. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	tehrin 2012-05-24 06:05 am UTC (link)
	How exactly do you heave a breath? Maybe if you have really bad breath, it would work. I don't know. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	full_metal_ox 2012-05-24 10:49 pm UTC (link)
	The dialogue quoted above benefits immeasurably from imagining Daffy Duck in the role of Hyden. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	sandglass 2012-05-25 12:53 am UTC (link)
	What was your biggest resource of information as an indie author? Honestly? The Thesaurus and the Dictionary that work in MSWord. That explains so much. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	phosfate 2012-06-04 12:24 am UTC (link)
	but my criminal record scared them. It is a well known fact that convicted criminals cannot get a book published in Britain or America. >.> (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	librarianmouse 2012-06-04 02:35 am UTC (link)
	Seriously. Jack Gantos could have told him that. Reposted because my brain is too tired for html. (Reply to this)(Parent)

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