It's a ladies pen, for ladies


Many thanks to the anon on wank_report for this one!

Bic have released Bic For Her, a line of pens for just ladies. They are your everyday ballpoint pens except that the outer casings are in pink or purple, so that is how you know who can use them.

The first customer review is from Andrea, who is a very clearly a Bic employee:

OK - so I admit it, I have a pink diary, pink laptop and even a pink phone. But now I have a really good quality pink pen!! - It is really comfortable to use, writes smoothly and lets face it, it is great to have a pen that is distinctive. It stops your friends from pinching it as you immediately recognise that it is yours!! (although as it comes with 11 others, I have given my BFF one! Great price for 12 pens of this quality.


She gets called out for being a plant. Reviewers then proceed to have lots and lots of fun in the comments. A small selection of reviews:



1. My man friend helped me to order this product as he said it would be very useful for me, and this morning it dropped onto my doormat. I was very disappointed to find that this isn't a pair of shoes, an oven, or dishwashing soap. I don't really know what you expect me to do with it/them, to be honest - which is a shame, because I like the colours. I've arranged the thingies into a pretty glass vase for now xoxoxox


2. I am a huge fan of the gender binary. Without it, it's very hard to work out who to oppress … I write things, but not often enough to require 12 pens. Seriously - the only feminine person I can think of who produces that many words is Barbara Cartland, and she lies on a chaise longue while someone else writes down her dictation in any case. How many thoughts do you think I have in my pretty pretty head, bic?

Even if I did have a moment of wisdom, I would feel ashamed, keep it secret and hope like hell it would pass before anyone noticed.


3. As a MILLIONAIRE AUTHOR of BESTSELLING TECHNO-THRILLERS, I have to say that I was very disappointed with this pen. Whenever I tried to write punchy, in-your-face prose about the nuclear payload capabilities of the B-2 Northrop-Grunmann stealth bomber, I found myself instead writing about shopping, cocktails and friendship. And when I tried to write the title 'OPERATION CRISIS POINT' at the top of the page, I found myself writing 'DIARY OF A THIRTYSOMETHING' instead. Is Jeremy Renner gonna want to star in the movie adaptation of that? IS HE HECK.


4. I feel I must complain in the strongest terms about the sexism of this item. Where are the "For Him" pens? How can I embrace my masculinity, when there is no pen for me? Am I destined to just watch all of the women around me falling into a sparkly dream of ponies, crochet and butterflies, while I pace angrily here, unable to access the manly world of construction vehicles, barbeques, motor racing and science? I can barely adjust my crotch, I am so angry.


5. I can't help but be disturbed by the phallic symbolism of these pens. As a lady of refinement, the last thing I want to do is to be seen holding something resembling a gentleman's "member" in my expensively manicured hands. What happens in the bedroom is one thing but what happens in public is another!


6. Before I bought this product I couldn't write but now I'm an engineer. Mind you, I only design pink, flowery bridges, motorways and sewers. Blue ones would be wrong wouldn't they.


7. I can't recommend this product at all. I didn't pay attention to BIC's blurb and didn't realise they were designed for female hands and not male ones. It just didn't work but when I gave one to a female colleague she had no problem using it, obviously BIC are onto something here but I don't know what it is.

All was not lost however, I found that by removing the ink cartridge the outer layer is great for smoking crack as the rubber sleeve prevents it slipping from my fingers once I'm blazed.


8. I bought this pen (in error, evidently) to write my reports of each day's tree felling activities in my job as a lumberjack. It is no good. It slips from between my calloused, gnarly fingers like a gossamer thread gently descending to earth between two giant redwood trunks.


9. I tried these on a whim, and I have to say I wasn't very impressed. The applicator mechanism is far too fiddly, and the plastic tampon inside far too thin (not to mention uncomfortable and non-absorbant) - I'm sure there must be a knack to using them, but I couldn't find it. They also stained my knickers blue for some reason. I really wanted to like these, but it's back to pads for me.


10. How could I have missed my own deep inner need for such a product? It's just perfect for ramming straight up the hogs' eye of any sexist man I happen to be oppressed by - no more tabasco-dipped nasty old medical catheters for the misogynists in my life!


11. Pray, what is a 'pen'? I do like it so, because it is so pink, but I remain ignorant as to its practical use. Father says not to ask questions because it might give me wrinkles, and to carry on practising my charming giggle so I can one day ensnare a Duke - but I cannot help but be intrigued by the delicate pinkness of this curio. I can only assume that because it is pink, it is intended for a woman's useage. I am a woman, therefore perhaps I should have this pink so-called pen?


12. Despite the hype, and the colour, and the talk of buttons and tips moving in and out, this was the worst dildo ever.

ETA: The people on Metafilter are also having a jolly good laugh over this.