Wank - Not Just for Fandom Anymore!

My word count is pastede on yay

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 09:02:04 GMT

Someone claims to have 'won' NaNoWriMo with 2.5 million words, a feat so fantabulous it apparently requires announcing twice.

Unfortunately, checking out his website reveals that he used a less than conventional technique to reach this count:

In order to compile so many words in such a short time, Leach leaned heavily on the Internet. He generated what he calls a “non-linear literary collage” by mining various blogs, chat rooms and fan fiction sites, grabbing whatever words caught his eye.

“The talk pages of Wikipedia and the reader comments on io9.com were my absolute favorites,” he said. “These are my people. I shamelessly plagiarized their words -- even their misspellings and gramatical errors -- at every opportunity, combining the anonymous messages with recycled content from ‘Marienbad My Love’ and entries from my dream journal. I repeatedly cut and pasted and searched and replaced, transforming the various writings into a completely new and unique literary work.”

NaNoers are Not Amused.

Edited to add the best replies from the forums so far:

yukongold: Plagiarizing other peoples' words is not writing. It's plagiarism, pure and simple, contrary to the spirit of Nano.

Not to mention that your pretense is so thick you could stand on it and not worry about sinking for a good three hours.

Sashimisan: Exactly.

I have more respect for someone who struggled to cross the finish line with 50K of their own words than I do for a plagiarist who filled a document with thousands of pages of nonsense.

sniderman: Next year, I plan to do the same thing for my NaNo. I plan to title it "The Stand by Stephen King."

MrHeywire: You, my dear dirtysockface, deserve to have all your clean underwear burned, your washing machine broken and your water cut off. How dare you claim to be an author when not one word was arranged into a sentence by your miserable self this month!
Even without you, those of us who have done this honestly have still surpassed a total 1.5 billion words, so I have no reason to not wish your word count to be retracted from the totals.

Wishing your head to be lovingly placed in a bucket of cement;
--Me

Son of edit:

MrHeywire's post is deleted, but oh, the replacement is STELLAR.

marienbadmylove: Hey MrHeywire, your post is one of my favorites to date. A couple of people have wished violence upon me, but you’re the first who actually wanted to see me dead (in a loving way, of course). Still, I liked this post slightly better: “But you are using other people's words. I feel that the point of NaNo is to write in your own words.” Here is my point: They are my own words! I stole them, and now they belong to me. That’s what I do. I’m an auto thief. I knock out the driver’s side window, hot wire the ignition and take off for the local chop shop. I file off the VIN numbers and strip out the valuable parts. I bolt various body panels together into a stylistic abomination. I re-spray the thing vomit green, add insulting graffiti along the fenders and hang a crap-scented air freshener from the rear view mirror (to cover up the stench of the dead body in the trunk). Twenty-eight days later, I drive it to the local car show and park it alongside the other entries. Look, people are throwing rotten tomatoes at it. What fun! How will I top myself for the 2009 NaNoWriMo? Here’s an idea: steal synopsis and excerpt texts from the “Novel Info” sections of this year’s winners. Already a story idea is beginning to form… A guy in a government post, who has an entirely contended existence, abruptly and lacking reason, packs his vomit green automobile with objects such as his nativity record, crap-scented air freshener and a severed head in a bucket of cement and maneuvers away.

Welcome to the "Least Intelligent Student Union in the Country"

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 23:47:42 GMT

The student council at Carleton University in Ottawa has made a shocking discovery*: Cystic Fibrosis only affects white men, and is therefore not an "inclusive enough" disease to raise money for. Needless to say, this causes a leeeetle backlash.

In response, the person who originally made the motion to remove CF from their charity list is "currently not able to live happily." How sad. :(

ETA: *And by "shocking", I mean "completely false".

I love my dead, gay cat?

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 14:28:15 GMT

Not liking cats: now on par with oppressing gays.

...yeah, I got nothin'.

Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 15:10:44 GMT

A rocket scientist over in techsupport seems to think that Americans invented the English language and that people in the UK and Australia don't speak English.

Good times.

The Lotus Boob! It does haunt my dreams!

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 05:35:32 GMT

Over at PostSecret, Frank posts a postcard from someone containing a photo of the "Lotus Boob." (For those who aren't in the know, it's a picture of a breast that was clearly photoshopped together with a lotus flower and passed around the 'net as some sort of new horrible disease. Denounced by Snopes in 19-diggity-2.)

Whingeing follows immediately. (See Frank's email picks near and around the offending secret.) Hilarious quote from front page:

"This picture has destroyed my day and will haunt me for months if not years. My hair is standing on end and I haven't been able to stop shivering. I can't concentrate on anything now, my mind always returns to that horrific image.

I am saddened that I can no longer view postsecret, but I am too worried about being assailed with another photo that will severely harm my psyche."

Hordes of young girls are scarred for life and "kept up half the night shivering!" A thread is started on PostSecret Chat to determine whether the secret should be taken down.

Some (read: most) dissenters claim that taking down secrets would completely ruin the spirit of PostSecret, and that there have been secrets that have been far more disturbing, like ones about rape and abuse. But it's a boob! With stuff in it! And now they'll never sleep again, and probably die and I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY, POSTSECRET.

Ahem... 101 pages of flouncing and crying in less than a day, and all I really have to say is, if your constitution is too weak to handle a little lotus boob, you may want to reconsider this whole "internet" thing.

ETA: Bonus LOL: The random-lettered link to the secret includes the phrase "AAAAAAAAH."

Words are hard :(

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 23:46:37 GMT

And now, the newest addition to the short list of words that don't exist: vainglorious.

Gay marriage wank? In MY community?

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 01:46:38 GMT

A secret about prop 8 is posted to this post in Fandom secrets. And we get twofold wank for it, too!

Wank #1: FOMG HOW IS THIS NOT A 'NOT-SECRET' THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FANDOM WHATSOEVER! This one is small, though, because the modly type froze the comments.

Wank #2: Gay is wrong. No u! No u! NO U! NO U! And that's all within the first three pages.

Also, liking het means you hate gay marriage. Srsly. And there's macros. And people loling over all the wank this caused. And there's also a thread of d'awwww.

I chose to post it here instead of fandom wank because almost all of the arguments were not fandom related. And there was even an argument about that, too!

Specious Missive from the Blogbag

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 12:15:11 GMT

Here's a small but tasty writers' wank that has nothing to do with NaNoWriMo!

Editorial Anonymous is a blog written by an anonymous editor at a mystery publisher, who answers questions about published, how to query, etc. All in all, it's generally a good source for aspiring authors.

Of course, every now and then, the blogger receives something completely out of left field. Like this, an email from someone seeking a publicist. The blogger removes the sender's name before posting the email, but leaves the long list of self-published works untouched. Naturally, it's Google fodder, and the sender's identity is easily discovered.

Is it hilarious? Or is it unkind? Depends which commenter you ask, and they're all more than willing to share their thoughts on ~~yaoi~~ the email. Most especially one Will Entrekin, himself a writer published via Lulu, who seems to think he's kind of a big deal. His collection was the very first e-book on Apple's iPhone, you guys, he said so himself!

All in all, this wank report is a quick, fun read. I give myself a five star review! All I need now is a publicist. Know any random bloggers I could email about that?

ETA: The anonymous blogger states that she decided to post the Googleable list of works "not because it was funny but because coming at the end of a letter complaining about her lack of success, titles like "How to Be Wealthy Selling Informational Products on the Internet"; "How to Become Wealthy Selling Ebooks"; and "How To Become Wealthy Selling Products on The Internet" smack strongly of fraud."

Tag wank!

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 05:22:44 GMT

LJ tags are SRS BUSINESS, apparently. SRS ENOUGH that readysteadystop has HAD ENOUGH and is calling out the rival community, piercing, on stealing her community, bodymod's tagging system.

Accusations of outright theft and TL;DR!

Suggestions that readysteadystop should put on her big girl panties!

"You only want to be made a "tagging mod" so you have mod privileges!"

An accusation that the community only attracts idiots!

TAGGING WANK: HIGH DRAMA.

More Halloween Costume Wank

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 20:23:43 GMT

School Boots Boy Over Jesus Costume

Principal says costume was offensive and disrupted education process:

"The principal of West Brook Middle School said that the boy was sent home because the costume was disruptive to other students. 'Children were [asking], where is the boy who is Jesus Christ?' principal Joan Broe told WCBS-TV. 'It was disrupting the education process.'"

"Alex said school officials told him the costume was 'offensive to some students.'"

Mum thinks her son's freedom of expression was violated:

"'I think the whole freedom of speech and expression has definitely had a damper put on it, and this is proof of that,' said Kim Woinski, Alex's mother."

And now the commenters have a wing at it! Osama bin laden, Mohammed, murderers, ghosts, and prostitutes included!

"Funny the kid is Jewish but dressed up as Jesus. Shouldn't offend anyone if he doesn't even believe Jesus was the Jewish Messiah. Society accepts ghosts, prostitutes, but not Jesus. No one even knows what Jesus looked like, so he was dressed as a Jewish male from around 30 A.D. So what. Silly school"

"Plansmaker ,YOU BELIEVE WHAT YOUR PASTOR TELLS YOU . YOU DONT HAVE A CLUE ABOUT JESUS"

"Little girls can dress up like *****, boys can dress up as murderers, and anything else they want to and it's okay with the schools, but if a boy dresses up as Jesus, the ax falls and he is sent home. What in the world has this country came to. Are we not a free nation or have we already lost all of our freedoms of speech. Geez, it was only a costume, I think the school should be put on notice that the people in that town are not going to tolerate this kind of treatment of their children."

"Jesus was not a prophet, he was known to be the son of God at the time that he walked on earth. He asked Peter who he was and Peter clearer stated that he was the son of God. There is no conspiracy, no scam. You either belive or you don't. Every person has to make a choice during thier life to either accept the truth or not."

"If he dressed as Osama Bin Laden I would understand it, but please. You overly religious bible bangers need to get a life ."

"Type your oJhd52541 no one knows what muhmad looks like.....he made sure he's image was distroyed so no one would worship him.... jesus is a joke.....heres the facts....1) jesus was A messiah not THE messiah, he preached jewish values not christan ones.... he was more like a guru...2)there are over 30 stories just like his around the same time ......3) saint peter who wrote the books on jesus lived a whole 50 to 60 years after his death.......And finally he's an idol and worshiping an idol is wrong.......suck on that you christan extremist your just as bad as jihadistwn comment here"

"If he had dressed up like Obama it would have been okay...even though he professes to be the Messiah!! Lives up to his color though...a lying, cheating piece of s---!!"

"I must agree, the costume is very offending. Here's why: "Not even near look like Jesus!!!" They should hang this kid for failing to do his homework of how Jesus would really looks like... I'm very ANGRY!!! This kid should be STONED to death for BLASPHEMY!!! LOL!!! He! He! He!"

"THIS SORT OF SATANIC DRIVEN DIS-RESPECT TOWARDS THE SAVIOUR OF THE WORLD WAS FORETOLD IN THE HOLY BIBLE BY THE LORD HIMSELF AND THE NEW TESTAMENT WRITERS AS ONE AMONG MANY SIGNS OF THE END TIMES -HERE COMES THE RAPTURE AND THESE UNSAVED FOOLS CAN GO THROUGH THE GREAT TRIBULATION WITH THE ANTI-CHRIST !!!"

This goes on for a while.

Needless to say Jesus was resurrected later on Halloween night to go trick or treating. Whoot!

How about some Halloween wank?

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 18:25:08 GMT

'Tis the season, after all. Grabbed from wank_report

In the "craftgrrl" community, hamburgerhop makes a post asking for advice about her costume idea. People on the internet being intelligent, kind, civil individuals, respond that it is tasteless but provide the relevant information and then ignore it. Right?

First comment says....no.

Some highlights from the rest of the thread:

Person: You're an ass. Other person: Hey, about about some constructive criticism instead of name-calling? In the same thread: I was an addict and it's not worth sympathy, p.s. random race reference

Person: Not funny! OP: I know and don't care!

Person: Hey SF_drama. Other person: LOL GET A LIFE

Wank from a, sadly, deleted comment.

Why bother with PC? It's halloween!

Person: It's a parent's worst nightmare! Other person: So's being goth!

Various other miniwanks throughout the comments. Remarkably, the mod is chill with it.

Oh, and just for that little dollop of meta: name-calling in the wank report. It's cool, kids, I got this one.

edited because I can spell. Really. I swar.

Riding on the wave of the toilet flush...

Sat, 25 Oct 2008 22:21:41 GMT

Nuke those toothbrush germs!

I wish I could link to individual comments directly; instead, let's try this:

#4: The first voice of dissent.
#6: What do I do with an electric toothbrush?
#11: What do I do without a microwave? Provide alternative plz.
#12: Why would they provide an alternative?
#14: I'm a dentist and I approve of this message.
#17: Remove the battery from your electric toothbrush, DUH.
#26: I'M A DENTIST AND I DISAPPROVE OF THIS MESSAGE.
#51: My battery is sealed in, dumbass.
#57: The First Ammendment says you have to provide the alternative!
#64: This is as stupid as Obama's tax plan.
#69: Enter citations!
#71: Winner.

And then it gets better: it's a government plot, it's the fault of CHINA, inexplicable invocation of Dick Cheney, let me show off the brand of my toothbrush! 110 comments and counting. [ETA: Bizarre science at #121!]

Just don't forget to wash your hands after!

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 14:27:28 GMT

Toilet seats! Up! Down! Up! Down! Up! Flounce!

ETA: Poop! The post's been flushed! Anyone have craps?

Everything causes cancer!

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 16:19:39 GMT

For example, potatoes!

So does hip_domestics, apparently.

But does spam? (If it does, I may be dying. Send lipgloss.)

ETA: DAMMIT it's already been deleted. :(

Discuss cancer and potatoes in the comments.

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 15:14:05 GMT

Moved to political_wank. Sorry 'bout that. *facepalm*

Keeping track of checks is for old people and losers with low credit scores

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 13:58:06 GMT

Over in bad_service, beccaweccavt makes a post about some "bad service" she receives from a mechanic who charges her less than they should have but OMG doesn't cash her check immediately! The denizens of bad_service are confused. beccaweccavt then proceeds to let the community know that she's unable to keep track of her written checks because she's a bookkeeper for a large corporation and has a credit score of 800.

Keep on truckin', beccaweccavt. Keep on truckin'.

Intelligently designed wank

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 20:37:54 GMT

Who's in the mood for a good ol' academic tussle?

1. Professor Steve Fuller writes a book called Dissent over Descent: Intelligent Design's Challenge to Darwinism.

2. Professor AC Grayling reviews the book for New Humanist magazine.

It is sometimes hard to know whether books that strike one as silly and irresponsible...are the product of a desire to strike a pose and appear outrageous (the John Gray syndrome), or really do represent that cancer of the contemporary intellect, post-modernism.

3. Fuller responds to the review.

I wish I could repay AC Grayling’s compliment by naming an exotic mental pathology after him, but regrettably his review of Dissent over Descent displays disorders of a much more mundane kind: he has merely failed to read the book properly and does not know what he is talking about.

4. Grayling responds to the response.

Steve Fuller complains, as do all authors whose books are panned, that I did not read his book properly (or at all). Alas, I did.

5. Forum fight!

DIABETES DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 02:32:17 GMT

Cake Wrecks is a sweet blog that showcases the most horrible cakes ever brought to us by professional cake decorators. Usually, it includes horrible spelling, lopsided cakes and crap that looked like your three-year-old made it, but occasionally it will feature something insanely awesome like this amazingly awesome James-Bond-style wedding cake.

The other day, a cake was posted that depicted a giant insulin pen, with the following commentary:

'Nothing takes the sting out of a Diabetes diagnosis quite like an insulin-pen-shaped cake:

Sure, the person's foot will fall off if he or she eats it, but hey, it's the thought that counts, right? And think of all the joy the person will get watching friends and family consume all that sugary goodness, while said diabetic munches on a carrot stick or something equally "healthy".'

A diabetic takes the time to note that sugar actually isn't a big problem, and that it's more the carbs that they have to watch. And that they eat cake like normal people. People continue to post "OMG what were they thinking lol" comments until the innaccuracy has been explained umpteen times. From there the comments degenerate...

Some are insulted and enraged! Others say it was a JOKE, therefore it is impossible for anyone to be insulted by it ever! Many have very little knowledge about diabetes in general (terrifyingly, some of them seem to be parents of diabetics.) There's a lot of talk about whether pre-diabetes exists or whether it's just doctor-speak for "fatty mcfatfat." Health nuts weigh in with their crazy advice (STOP EATING, IT CAUSES CANCER!) Other diabetics weigh in claiming they found it funny, therefore everyone else must have done, too!

The wank carries on for a few hundred comments, until the blogger's husband (g-buh??) closes the comments and "for-shames" the lot. Apparently, she's so hurt by the OMG!fighting that she can't post it herself:

"[...] And just so we are clear, Jen READS your comments. Yup. All of them. So as a favor to me, please THINK HARD about what you want to say with the full knowledge that Jen doesn't EVER write anything with the intent to harm or misinform. It's just her opinion on cakes.

Lastly, the foot thing was SARCASM! No sane, sentient being on earth will come away from this post with the impression that a diabetics foot will fall off from eating a piece of CAKE. Nobody.

So there it is. As the husband of the blogger, I reserve the right to stop the comments now. Any new comments left here will be deleted unread to preserve the sanity of my wife.

john (the husband of Jen)"

So, not only does the "lol no foot!" comment not warrant any sort of ETA admitting that DIABETES DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY, but people providing her with correct advice actually renders her incapable of sanity. I seeeeeee.

ETA: BAHLEETED! Overprotective husband is creepily overprotective. (Alternatively, sensitive blogger is waaay too sensitive.) white_serpent provides some caps of the original post. No comments, though.

Spore Spores a Srs Hoax, Media Buys In or How Dare you get Evolution in my Videogames!

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 22:36:00 GMT

The Electronic Arts videogame, Spore, is srs business. It has been criticized as being anti-Christian, not for violent, sexual-content, or foul language (this game is clean of all that!) for it's evolutionary content and the lack of an explaination for where the first creature created in game comes from.
This spawned the creation of the Anti-Spore Blog, which quickly devolves into a trollfest. But suprise! It's a HOAX, which you'd QUICKLY find out if you just clicked the REAL about page tab!

From the original about page:
About Anti Spore
I created this blog to find support for and follow my progress in letting Electronic Arts know that their biggest attack on Christian values to date will not be tolerated.

We can not allow the gaming industry to invade our homes and poison the minds of our children.

After all, their billions in revenue and all the advertising in the world are no match for the power of God.

Fredrik:
I feel sorry for your narrow minded view of this game, there is three reasons why this game is NOT inapropriate for children:

1 - Have you seen the graphics? IT’S A CARTOON! if anything you see in this game makes you think: “HOW RUDE!” You need to seriously get some glasses or something…

2 - They player is only an “demon-like intelligent space creature that violently takes over the galaxy” If he chooses to be! You can easily play this game, from start to end, without killing a single being! Infact, Will Wright has tried very hard to make it harder to play this game violently!

3 - If you think this game is undermining the christian culture or something, you need to first wake up and realise that we are not living in 1500 AD. Then you need to ask yourself: “Is Christianity the only way to go? Or are people allowed to have their own believes?” If you answered yes, good job, now close this website before you embarise yourself even more. If you answered no, get your brain checked, because it seems like you might be suffering from some mental illness, do you cure diseases with holy water and garlic also?

I hope you at least try to listen to my words before you go all crazy and sue me for not being the pope… i’m not an ateist, i believe some greater force must have started all this, because a universe like this just doesn’t come out of nothing. But to say this game is an attack on “Christian values”, that’s just plain insane…

-Frederik

James: People like you who are unable to think for themselves and troll this garbage are worse than Islam Extreamist. You are the one propigating propiganda, not a mere interative Video Game.

Blue Tom: Do you know how long it took the development team to work on this game? Do you know how my years they poured their hearts, souls, and passion into crafting a game for the enjoyment of other people? And what have you done? You’ve made a blog devoted to debunking the efforts or 100+ people, who devoted a large portion of a decade doing something they loved, and felt that other people would enjoy.
And you have the nerve to call them EVIL?
How dare you. HOW DARE YOU.
You aren’t spreading the love of god, you are spreading the hatred of difference. People have different beliefs, so who made you the judge?
You are on some grand to crusade to do what?
Make people angry?
Hurt people?
Cry witch?
I would love to here your response, I really would. I think you should be ashamed of yourself, and I think you need to do a lot of soul searching before you start telling other people their lives are misguided.

Protesting a video game = Just like the witch hunts and the crusades.

Pheonix the dragon: Go abort yourself with a chainsaw.

Claaaaaaaaaaassy.

The blog's admin is also accused of being a troll (WELL, DUH). Epic troll is epic, says a poster named Brian. God, Jesus, and Satan, that lovable prankster, make a few appearances.

ETA: More wank on the real about page, too.

Sander Hansen: Dude, your a fucking retord! (Yes i spelled that incorrect by purpose, because retord is a way better word than retard)

Ebak (#5): I was diplomatic and everything to a genuine cause you bastards you all stupid bastards

Ebak (#6):your*

Smoke (#15): yes u also proved that when people are outraged they wont even read a full post lol, I love the last step of it as i was one of those people! Epic rick roll!

seems to be alot of youtube comments around lmfao :)

Lots of people admit to being "punk'd." Some possible staged trolling. Oh, and there's a youtube video, who allegedly has nothing to do with the site. Thanks to jkefka for wading through all that while I was away.

baby animal abusers: second verse, same as the first

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 03:14:42 GMT

Ah, infant formula wank. No, not the infant formula scandal. I mean the equation for surefire wank on Cute Overload:
human child in picture = OMG NOT CUTE EVIL STUPID BAYBEE
It's a pretty simple formula, but the results here are deliciously tainted with melamine.

It's another Asian infant chomping on a puppy. Racewank is happily avoided for the most part, though, so you can relax.

I can't go through all 256 comments right now, but here's a few skimmed off the top:

This one is probably a joke: Who will end up with the personality complex? The baby who didn't know any better and must eat puppy faces or the puppy who will forever need to be inside someone's mouth!

Well, thanks for justifying this with your ovaries: While I am female, I do NOT think babies are cute - unless they have fur and tails. The furless ones just grow up to hate you anyway.

According to my breastfeeding friends, it's a lot more than that: Babies sorta suck sometimes.

This is your chance for internet glory: Last I looked, CuteButNotBabiesOverload.com did not exist.

It's our responsibility as intarweb police!: Enough with the pudding comments. When the picture is obviously this disturbing, people have a right and a duty to comment on just how awful it is.

And here's the thread on the LJ feed. First comment is "in before wank". But we do have this lovely poem:
it is not cute
and it is not ok
the puppy is probably hurting
picture the cutest monkey holding your baby by the head
and then someone even bigger thaking a picture of it
the monkey doesn't know the baby is hurting
but it doesn't make it ok

And, for the sake of sanity:
But, for the hell of all you people who think that baby is messed up in the head, lets beat the hell out of the baby for doing what she knows to do, which is...

Item
Item=Mouth

Edit: CO now has more than one poster and the poster of the above was actually "Not That Mike the Other Mike." Not to be outdone, Meg has upped the stakes by posting an image of adult human women. And filed them under "primates." Ahahahahahahaha. I <3 you Meg. (Wank, natch.)

More taxonomy wank, plz. Thanks to exit_chrysalis for linking us. (There's also people talking about BSG, Torchwood and Firefly in the comments; the wank streams have crossed!)

Nothing brings the wank like naked people.

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 02:48:10 GMT

In Portland, a woman has been creating a stir by riding her bike around in the buff. People have been dialing 911 to report the naked cyclist. The police have asked her to put some swimsuit bottoms on occasionally, but as she's not breaking any laws in Portland, they can't do much. KGW, a local news station. reports on the story and has an entertaining video with the cyclist on their web page.

Amazingly, some people aren't too happy.

There's been quite a stir in the comments of this article. Everyone in Portland has to put in their two cents. Should this be illegal? Is it freedom of speech? Is everyone who doesn't mind her nudity a godless heathen?

Rocky63215: WAHHHH WAHHH WAHHHHH WAHHHH....A woman naked in downtown portland. Big deal! It's not even news. For the men who were staring and getting distracted it's probably because they haven't gotten any action lately. The women complaining is because well they're just jealous that their husbands are noticing her. For the single men or women look all you want.

Marimore: This should not be allowed! Our bodies are temples and they are sacred. They are not supposed to be exposed to everyone.

irideadonky: What an uptight bunch! One person riding naked through the streets is not armegeddon! Actually its a great change of pace. There are far more important things to worry about, as most of the children you are trying to protect could probably tell you.

Dizzylizzy29 has quite a bit to say about the naked cyclist, and wants everyone to know. Some gems:

Women, for their part, should display their beauty by dressing modestly and decently in appropriate clothes, not by braiding their hair or by wearing gold, pearls, or expensive clothes 1 Timothy 2:9

Ok, Honey...let me tell you what you just saw....A psychopath that needs to be put into a Mental Ward...ok..do you understand now dear....lol...you obviously don't have kids

She says that she is bringing the message of peace...no she isn't. She is doing the exact opposite. She is causing me and others to feel anger and outrage..I don't feel peaceful at all. She knows that she isn't bringing peace...She is a Drama Queen not a peace spreader.

Warning: kgw.com makes you register after 3 pages of comments, but there's plenty on the first three pages.

Edit: From msn.com:

Jock10827: You ignorant Americans have nothing better to do than to call the police on a naked woman. Hypocrasy at its best...no wonder you're in the position you're in and the rest of the world just laughs at you. Get a grip on life and learn to accept nature for what it is and respect people's rights. If she wants to be naked...then let her, it's HER body and HER right. Once again, hypocrasy at its best.

Zekke_7484: Actually...to the comment below. If you go back to Adam and Eve then the only reason we wear clothes is because we are ashamed. Once Adam and Eve ate from the forbidden tree. This has no reflection with "do unto others.."

How dare you talk about our relationship without my consent.

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 02:35:30 GMT

Over in fanficrants, bittersweetwish fusses about how Twu Wuv (with a human W) and said expression of love does not generally come after the first damn date, and most relationships take time to blossom into the hot wubbings.

nanuq459 agrees and in a discussion sums up a past relationship thusly:

Seriously, we were friends for a long time but then she cornered me, asked if I had feelings for her, and then it was pretty much:
Me: Let's see if this works ou--
Her: *TACKLEGLOMP*

....and then the other half of the failed relationship, mercuryblue144, shows up with a curt and simple "Fuck you too." And there is drama.

Bonus wankish on metaquotes, where mercuryblue144 is upset that the quote was still metaquoted--even though the other half said it.

It's not very big, just really...weird. I mean, no one would have ever known anything if she'd been quiet.

--Neth

Olympic wank decathlon

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 17:48:27 GMT

Previously on the wank Olympics, we had some Phelps wank. Now, have some Bryan Clay wank!

It all begins when the Honolulu Advertiser posts an article on its webpage announcing Clay's decathlon gold (I was having trouble with the site on firefox, but works just fine on safari... it could be my computer, which has been having serious issues lately, but I just thought I'd let you know). Unfortunately, I can't link directly to comments, so I'll cut and paste the highlights.

All is well until Hash23 refers to Clay as "The Greatest Athlete In the World." This does not sit well with wiseobjective, who shows up to set everyone straight with his CAPSLOCK OF RAGE:

He is not the world's greatest athlete.

That is a myth that these guys are the best athletes.

He is gold medalist in decathlon. BIG DIFFERENCE.

But, congratulations either way.

A handful of commenters show up to defend Clay's honor, but the fun really starts with this reply from alfromkaneohe:

Brian Clay is the worlds best athlete at every contest he entered. You are probably a fat A*% that is a couch potato and has never even played a sport in your life you reject. Why can't people be happy for people who show discipline and heart and hard work to represent their country let alone our State of Hawaii in the Olympics. I say bravo to Brian and hogwash to the fat couch potato who wrote this.

wiseobjective responds:

Only fat lazy bums are you guys. I was a wide receiver starting for the SEC school. I know high level sports.

These guys are not the best athletes. Stop your local homerism. Clay is not the second coming you desperate to cheer for anything Hawaii homers.

Well, he sure told him!

Apparently, wiseobjective is a familiar troll at the Advertiser site:

anuhea:
LOL? SO WHAT!! Oh yay, "I was a wide receiver starting for the SEC school." Whoop dee freakin' doo. And what do you have to show for it? Working for minimum wage at McDonald's? At least Bryan Clay has something to show for his hard work. Fame AND an Olympic gold medal. According to this doof wiseobjective purports to know what high level sports is because he played for an SEC school. The only high level sports he knows well is to troll on a newspaper site. PATHETIC.

Clay IS a high level athelete. DOOF. Go suck your thumb in your corner.

smacktalk:
Jealousy comes in all shapes and sizes.

OMG ur just jellus!

wiseobjective:
Clay is the world's best decathlon athlete.

He is not the world's best athlete. But, according to Hawaii local homers, he is the second coming of Jesus.

Then again, UH football was the best in the country last year according to local homers.

I have never seen fans as delusional and full of inferiority complex as Hawaii fans.

Its pretty sad to watch grown people identifying with people whose success has nothing to do with them.

To repeat, congratulations to Clay. Great job. You are the world best decathlon athlete.

As far as world's best atthlete, ahhahahaha, NOT EVEN CLOSE.

thetruthhertz:
Yeah, because you're the best athlete huh? You couldn't hold Brian's jockstrap, loser. Go back to the mainland where you belong because you and your comments are not welcome here!

wiseobjective:
No, I am not the best athlete. I am a very good athlete, but not the best.

And I agree, Brian is much better than me at decathlon. Then again, I would school him in footbal and basketball.

As far as going back to mainland, good luck with that.

I am here to stay. Your opinion doesnt matter and you are in no position to tell anyone who is welcomed and who is not. I own land in Hawaii and this is mine.

By the way, telling people to leave a place when they disagree with you is communism.

Are you a communist?

What, you can't handle when someone challenges your way of thinking, if you can call it that?

Aaaaaaaaaand we have Godwin's! (OK, not quite Godwins, but surely there's a Communism corrollary?)

It can only go downhilll when ImuaKS challenges wiseobjective's e-manhood:

wiseobjective is funny. See, if he was REALLY as 'tough' as he is trying to portray himself to be, he'd say these things in the public eye. Not cloaked behind a username....

lol. Funny lil boy.

wiseobjective:
Would you like to meet me somewhere?

ripken2632:
Okay give us your name,address, and workplace and we'll be there.

wiseobjective:
LOL

No, you tell me a place and time and I will show up.

By the way, why do you need my address and workplace?

Why dont you give me your address and your workplace?

While these Internet tough guys attempt to negotiate a location for the brawl of the century, we have more communism arguing:

ripken2632 :
Yesterday in your comments you said that you were from a communist country. How is communism analagous to someone telling you to go back to the mainland? You seem to be getting your ideologies confused.

You sound as if you were a two-year-old: "This is MINE!!!"

wiseobjective:
Yes, I was born in a communist country. I grew up in U.S.

And what wank would be complete without grammar nitpicking:

ripken2632:
I guess that you truly went to a school in the SEC...you cannot spell: "ostracized", "foundation", also "leave to mainland", "don't"

ripken2632:
wise...also "require" and "because".

Someone shows up to support wiseobjective, and we have our first accusation of sockpuppetry!

ripken2632 wrote:
Replying to hason:
Are you and wiseobjective the same person? You both used "you're delusional" and neither one of you can spell. HA!

wiseobjective:
Is your inferiority complex really that out of control? You are pathetic.

By the way, only loser care about spelling on blogs.

U heer that guyz? LOL we r all l0s3r!

thetruthhertz:
Yes, wiseobjective, you must be quite the successful athlete/landowner/lawyer/entrepreneur... amazing how you find the time to do all that and yet have just spent the last 3 hours doing nothing but blogging on the advertiser about nonsense on a Friday evening. I couldn't believe you were still on. In all that time I washed my car AND had a snack! I said it before, I'll say it again - you are a loser, and losers never win. goodnight!

Oh wow, this wank even has thoughts on yaoi!

ThinkPeople:
wiseobjective - why do you feel the need to constantly put down locals on this blog? That's a sincere question, I'm not here to argue with you. And don't say "because it's easy" or "because I can" or even "because locals deserve it". What has happened to you that makes you so bitter? The tone of your posts is extremely condescending, yet whether or not you'll admit it, defensive at the same time. If you think all this is fun, that strikes me as a little sad. Honestly, don't you have better things to do, especially since according to you you're living living such a great, priveleged life out here in Hawaii? If you truly are that blessed, why feel the need to take part in these endless pissing matches? Obviously your comments do strike a nerve with a lot of people as evidenced by all the replies you generate here, but what about that is so satisfying to you at the end of the day?

If everyone on here is as ignorant as you seem to imply, why do you feel it's your duty to call everyone out on it? Can't you be content with just knowing that you're superior to so many other people? I'm sure other readers from the mainland (where everyone else is smarter right?) might also get annoyed with some of the comments posted by locals, but I'm pretty confident that they find your posts much more childish and offensive. In reality I think the people whom you hold in higher regard would actually hold you in lower regard than all of these locals. Just try and think about that before you post your next hate-filled and condescending comment.

Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now. Thanks everyone else for bearing with me.

wiseobjective responds:
You see, many locals take my posts as condascednding or insulting because thet are quite frankly simple minded.

I really try to just express my opinion, but if that opinion is different than local opinion, many locals feel insulted and pissed off. Its really the inferiority complex that is the problem.

Take this board for example.

All I said was that Clay was the best decathlon athlete, but not the best athlete and whole hell broke loose.

Unless you are worshipping Hawaii athletes or Hawaii, people are going crazy. Its pretty pathetic.

So, the fact that many locals can't handle having their simple minded opinions challenged its really the cause of these pissing matches.

So, I dont really mind them. Blogging is fun for me and entertaining.

Because there's nothing inflammatory about calling Hawaii locals simpleminded!

It goes on for a little while more, with ThinkPeople and wiseobjective arguing over who's smarter or laughing harder at the other. Or something. thetruthhertz makes a brief cameo once again when he/she and wiseobjective argue over who has less of a life.

thetruthhertz:
So you get my point. As sad as spending my friday evening washing my car and having a snack is, at least it's something productive which is more than I can say about spending what now amounts to your 5 HOURS writing hate filled blogs about local people. The sad part is that as much time as you spend practicing on your argument skills ThinkPeople just made you look like a fool. "Outlawyered" by a local - how will you live with yourself? And why so much trash talk about Bryan Clay? Are you so insecure that when one of us "inferior" locals shines the only way you can justify your pointless existence is to try and rip other people to make yourself feel better? Get a life.

It pretty much dies down after that, although I'm sure our friends will take up their argument again on the next Bryan Clay article.

Bad Review Tempertantrums -- Not Just for Amateurs Anymore

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 18:27:04 GMT

Over on Dear Author, Jane posts about an author overreacting to bad Amazon.com reviews

The author's fans are quick to point out that Jane is just jealous, a meanie, has no life, etc. And the author herself responds. The comments have been deleted, but breecita saved them

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Post 1 - Victoria Laurie

Wow! Do you need a hug, honey….you sound like the dog that got kicked and wants to bite someone just to feel better. Poor thing. Ah well, perhaps in your next lifetime you’ll come back as someone with a better outlook! :)

Oh, and in referring to your review above, not all of the clues come from the ghosties - obviously in that hour you skimmed a lot! Most of them, in fact, come from the living, (Detective Muckleroy, Nickie, Dory, Maude’s sister and the list goes on and on…really, how did you miss them? Or maybe you were just having fun whth the thrashing you were giving me?) And who specifically in my novel said, “There’s so much chemistry between you two!” Seriously, if you’re going to quote my text, it would be nice if you actually QUOTED my text! :)

Anyway, best of luck to you, doll, I’m sending you a mental hug cuz I’m pretty sure you need one. :)
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Post 2 - Donna D

Also, “J”, if you disliked it so much, how on earth did you manage to read the entire book in an hour? It sounds as though it must have been quite engrossing! I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed Demons:)

Donna
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Post 3 - R Golden

J. Kaplan, your review says more about you than this book. I couldn’t disagree with you more. I was sad when I reached the last page. I want to hang out more with MJ and the gang!

-Rose
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Post 4 - Jenni B

I am curious as to why both reviews you have posted are negative. It would be very helpful if you had a few reviews of books you enjoyed so a person could get an idea of where you are coming from. Right now, it just sounds like you are being unnecessarily spiteful and mean. Or that you have really bad taste in books, picking “bad” ones over and over again. Again, I am interested in seeing what you qualify as a good book. Oh, and the reviews that are obviously bitter are not helpful. Negative reviews can be helpful, just when they are done in a more constructive, knowledgeable and balanced way. Thanks!
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Post 5 - J Rose

I was going to try this book, but I’m always put off when I noticed the author retaliate against someone that gave her a bad review. That has turned me off from a few authors. That is really tacky. Ignoring it would have been much classier. Then I noticed that this author commented on this reviewer’s other review. This author is creepy, and not in a cool author of horror kind of way. I’m writing down the author’s name so when I hear it again I will remember to warn others.
————————————————————————-
Post 6 - Victoria Laurie

Ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Oh, J Rose! This made me laugh! I love that you’re going to write down my name and “warn others”! Ha ha ha ha! That is too precious for words! (I am just imagining you in a bookstore with a list of authors to warn people about…hilarious) I looooove it! Thanks for the giggle, girl! hee hee! :)
————————————————————————-
Post 7 - J Rose

Bitter authors are a laugh to me, so cheers!
————————————————————————-
Post 8 - Victoria Laurie

Rosey-dosey….are you cuckoo for cocoa puffs or what? :)

Oh, and dear, it’s spelled “whatsoever” not “what so ever”. Might want to grab a dictionary the next time you decide to write a one-star review - that’s right everyone - Rose likes to award the onre star to books she’s not read all the way through too! So, me thinks that her (over) reaction above was because she was feeling a tad bit self-conscious. Maybe you and J Kaplan should form a Negative Nellie’s club! Ooo! You can trade your list of authors back and forth and “warn” people the world over! “Alert! Alert! This author responds to mistruths and misquotes! Gasp! It’s the begining of the end for us allllll!” Ha, ha, ha! Yep…that still cracks me up! It’s comic gold! :)

Whiny pros! Whinier fans! Passive-aggressive smilies!

All we need is a flounce, a sobbing vow to Never Write Again, and/or a pseudocide.

ETA: Thanks to carlanime, a prequel of sorts.

ETA2: Crap, wrong link, wrong potential post. If anyone wants to write up about possibly fraudelent conniving, lying, soul-bonding-is-my-religion! roommates from hell, drop a line.

Methinks even a "good" poster couldn't help your formulaic romantic comedy

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 14:53:24 GMT

Dane Cook: "Whoever Photoshopped our poster must have done so at Taser point with three minutes to fulfill their hostage takers' deranged obligations.... This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden."

Assorted Commenters: Wow, Dane Cook, Jason Biggs AND Kate Hudson in one movie?! Can celuloid alone contain such powerful mediocrity?

Me: ...who the hell is Dane Cook?