Once upon a time, someone in facebook posted a "Why Geeks Make Better Boyfriends" list. Britney St. Patience felt the need to point out its inaccuracies. She prefaces it with "Sure there are geek guys out there who are great partners. But being a geek does not guarantee that a guy will be a great boyfriend."

It's a pretty standard 'Nice Guy' deconstruction.

The main highlights are:

Myth #3: Geeks are low maintenance
Supposedly geek guys make great boyfriends because they can subsist on pizza, Mt Dew, and your affection. Just wait until you meet one who will ONLY eat pizza and maybe 3-4 other foods, like some sort of overgrown five year old. It took me nearly a decade to get my computer programmer ex husband to eat salad. My Star Wars obsessed ex boyfriend could not be taken to nice restaurants because he refused to wear anything except ripped jeans and nerdy tees and would not eat anything he could not pronounce. LOW MAINTENANCE MY ASS.

and

Myth #6: Geeks appreciate women
This one is, by far, my favorite geek guy myth. The myth of the guy who spent all of high school playing D&D but secretly wanting someone to love and when he finally gets a girl he imprints on her and covers her in puppy-like devotion. OMG WHERE DO PEOPLE GET THIS SHIT? You know what really happens when guys don't get laid in high school or college and spend all their time reading coming books and filling their spank banks with Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanfic? They fill their little nerd brains with unrealistic expectations, waiting around for what one of my gamer friends calls a "magical pixie girl". An unattainably hot woman, who will love the nerd boy not in spite of his nerdiness but because of it and somehow his life will be transformed by her love. And he shall get a job. And he shall move out of his parents basement. And he shall cease to be whatever it is he dislikes about himself because the magical lady doth love him. But woe to any girl who does not live up to his fantasy. She will be treated with the same regard as yesterday's Mt Dew cans.

So, a little harsh, but all in all not a matter for anger, right? Wrong!
( And how! Also, an anorexia trigger warning because what starts out as a 'No One's Perfect' rant turns into a very strange argument over salad. )
What follows is an extended debate over whether asking your spouse to eat salad is controlling, an act of deepest love for your dearest one, or something in between. Over salad.

Hey! It was Earth day not too long ago! Yay! In celebration of Earth Day, Jen over at Cake Wrecks decides to post about Earth Day related cakes gone horribly wrong.

Jen includes a cake intended to be Spaceship Earth (ETA: that she made, by the way) and makes a joke about it. Fortunately Jen's readership is ready and willing to let her know that the cake is actually Epcot, about 200 times. The comments are wanky, hilarious, and generous amounts of ass kissing towards the end.

This does not bode well with Jen's inner Disney child, and she amends her post with the following:

" To the scores of you telling me this is supposed to be Disney's Epcot Center: Um, yeah, I know. See, the ball at Epcot is called Spaceship Earth, NOT Epcot. Give a Diz Geek a little credit, eh?"

Unfortunately her inner Disney child is still smarting as the next post is provided by her husband, his explanation being...

"Hey everybody. This is john (the hubby of Jen) taking on today's post since Jen is...um...busy. Yeah. So how 'bout that post yesterday, huh? It's like one minute everything's all hunky-dory, and then next thing I know Jen's threatening to strike over something to do with a Disney font. Last I saw, she was on the couch in her memory foam slippers with a pint of Chunky Monkey and watching SGA reruns. I believe her exact words to me were, "YOU write it!!!" And I see the facial tic is back. Greeeaaat."

This, of course, starts a game of finger pointing.

And cake was had by all!

ETA 2: If two posts of butthurt wasn't enough for you, Jen also likes to tweet about it!

Relevant tweets:

# I love you guys. Really, I do. But if ONE MORE PERSON tells me the cake today is the ball from Epcot, so help me, I will not post tomorrow.9:04 AM Apr 28th from web

# No really, for fun, go count how often I'm told you can tell it's Epcot by the Disney font: http://tinyurl.com/d3zrn7 (*headdesk* & repeat!)9:05 AM Apr 28th from web

# In case some of you thought I was making idle threats yesterday: http://tinyurl.com/cgm6fk (Hats off to John for stepping up!)10:03 AM Apr 29th from web

# The comments today are nearly as entertaining as yesterday's. Still, y'all be nice: nobody's an idiot OR a moron, k? Can't we all get along?10:09 AM Apr 29th from web


ETA 3: As pointed out by willywanka, apparently Blogger is responsible for bahleeted comments on Cake Wrecks.

franticallysimple puts it best, "Does this mysterious comment deletion have anything to do with the Epcot Center, now owned by Disney?"

So this one time, in fictionwriters, eggie1978 came in and posted an ad (ETA: all comments deleted, but what's this? Google Cache?) for her Official Author Website. Fictionwriters readers quickly zeroed in on the words 'fanfiction' and 'self-published' on the website, and author quickly started using the delete button on comments.

Luckily, some of the choicer parts have been saved for your amusement.

( Also, it turns out, it's okay to be rude if you're British. It's just part of your culture. And it makes Eggie1978 want to sex you. )

You'd think that'd be the end of it. But oh, you'd be wrong. After the bahleetion and subsequent edit on the fictionwriters post, eggie1978 thinks she just hasn't beat that horse enough yet. ETA: All locked, oh BB!

( Eggie1978 posts what she's learned about being self-published, and somehow still intends it to be sarcastic )

lytrigian tries to reason with her, but eggie1978 is not having it, refusing advice from anyone who will not disclose the title of their own published book.

There's many more lols to be had when digging through the comment threads, so have at it!
(Credit to winterfox for supplying the caps and anglophile summary)

ETA Random Bonus Lol: eggie1978 gets pissy at someone over Jacob in Twilight ETA: Also locked! and says:
So, the hardcover copy of my book I was sending her is going to someone else.

NOOOOOES!

ETA2: ILU BB XOXOXOXO! Man, I went to a hockey game and missed all this fun :( (ETA again: Getting confused yet? Me too. This was edited from the original (so to speak, anyway. From winterfox, you sexy capper you!) to further vilify me this (thanks cazrolime!), and then locked. Can we make a drinking game out of this yet?)

ETA3: Another cap from winterfox. We are such obsessed haters. Drinking our hater-aid with rude Brits and obsessing like obsessing things.
Another screencap duo (dialup beware!) of the same post, but some extra comments, courtesy of iwanttobeasleep.

A rocket scientist over in techsupport seems to think that Americans invented the English language and that people in the UK and Australia don't speak English.

Good times.

Over in bad_service, beccaweccavt makes a post about some "bad service" she receives from a mechanic who charges her less than they should have but OMG doesn't cash her check immediately! The denizens of bad_service are confused. beccaweccavt then proceeds to let the community know that she's unable to keep track of her written checks because she's a bookkeeper for a large corporation and has a credit score of 800.

Keep on truckin', beccaweccavt. Keep on truckin'.

Cake Wrecks is a sweet blog that showcases the most horrible cakes ever brought to us by professional cake decorators. Usually, it includes horrible spelling, lopsided cakes and crap that looked like your three-year-old made it, but occasionally it will feature something insanely awesome like this amazingly awesome James-Bond-style wedding cake.

The other day, a cake was posted that depicted a giant insulin pen, with the following commentary:

( '...Sure, the person's foot will fall off if he or she eats it...' )

A diabetic takes the time to note that sugar actually isn't a big problem, and that it's more the carbs that they have to watch. And that they eat cake like normal people. People continue to post "OMG what were they thinking lol" comments until the innaccuracy has been explained umpteen times. From there the comments degenerate...

Some are insulted and enraged! Others say it was a JOKE, therefore it is impossible for anyone to be insulted by it ever! Many have very little knowledge about diabetes in general (terrifyingly, some of them seem to be parents of diabetics.) There's a lot of talk about whether pre-diabetes exists or whether it's just doctor-speak for "fatty mcfatfat." Health nuts weigh in with their crazy advice (STOP EATING, IT CAUSES CANCER!) Other diabetics weigh in claiming they found it funny, therefore everyone else must have done, too!

The wank carries on for a few hundred comments, until the blogger's husband (g-buh??) closes the comments and "for-shames" the lot. Apparently, she's so hurt by the OMG!fighting that she can't post it herself:


( '...Any new comments left here will be deleted unread to preserve the sanity of my wife...' )

So, not only does the "lol no foot!" comment not warrant any sort of ETA admitting that DIABETES DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY, but people providing her with correct advice actually renders her incapable of sanity. I seeeeeee.

ETA: BAHLEETED! Overprotective husband is creepily overprotective. (Alternatively, sensitive blogger is waaay too sensitive.) white_serpent provides some caps of the original post. No comments, though.

Over on Dear Author, Jane posts about an author overreacting to bad Amazon.com reviews

The author's fans are quick to point out that Jane is just jealous, a meanie, has no life, etc. And the author herself responds. The comments have been deleted, but breecita saved them

( Pro making ass of herself under the cut )

Whiny pros! Whinier fans! Passive-aggressive smilies!

All we need is a flounce, a sobbing vow to Never Write Again, and/or a pseudocide.

ETA: Thanks to carlanime, a prequel of sorts.

ETA2: Crap, wrong link, wrong potential post. If anyone wants to write up about possibly fraudelent conniving, lying, soul-bonding-is-my-religion! roommates from hell, drop a line.

Over in the little_details community, chibiyaoichan asks if twins can actually manifest each other's physical pain.

The consensus of the community is "no, not in real life."

This doesn't sit well with icedmaple, who is a psychic and has proof that she found on the internet which consists entirely of personal anecdotes.

Then she has a little fit on her journal. Twice.

How dare you not delete her comments in order to prove that she's irrational? That's just mean, kutsuwamushi. >:(

It all started with a list - a list of questionable literary agencies and agents. Unfortunately, someone named Barbara Bauer was on this list. This made her very, very, very, very unhappy. (So unhappy, in fact, she demanded A BILLION DOLLARS from several bloggers for her pain and suffering.) Why, oh why won't they fork over the dough? And why are they laughing? What's a poor, maligned literary agent to do? SUE WIKIPEDIA AND THE BLOGOSPHERE!, that's what. Hmmph. That'll show 'em!


Oops...DISMISSED! Wikipedia, you bastard!

(SRS BZNS ETA: I've received some additional info about the court cases that are still pending, which can be found here)

Poor cf_ioan is having a bad day. Over at the Childfreez, she posts about how an "idiot moo cunt" she is acquainted with "fortunately...miscarried". She does not receive acclaim for this viewpoint.

( Plenty of stereotypes and hate for everyone )

dracunculus directed my attention to this prime wank. This woman posts to her blog about the fun she has packing Japanese-style bento lunches for her kid. The first few comments are people saying, How cute, how fun.

Then at comment #6, some troll named Sarah makes a nasty remark about how cutting your kid's sandwiches into animal shapes will make him a laughingstock and stunt his imagination. Other people tell her to shut up and let them enjoy themselves. She continues to cuss them out, meanwhile suggesting that they try Xanax to get rid of their rage.

Someone named Victoria made the most patient responses to Sarah's spleen, inspiring someone else to announce, "Victoria, I always thought that Lesbians were mean, vindictive bitches, and you proved that for me. Is it because about 95% of the country thinks your life style is sick and that is why you all are so defensive on other issues too." I wondered if maybe Victoria's website, linked on her comment, identified her as a Lesbian, so I followed the link and found no mention of homosexuality, but at least two mentions of her husband.

Sarah has informed the blogger that she ought to erase her blog and devote her time in future to pursuits meeting with Sarah's approval. After a bit more of other people telling her where she could go, she declared this evening:

"While I stand by my original statement that this is over the top, I think it is hilarious that other people cannot allow someone else to have a differing opinion. It has been highly amusing to watch some people freak out in several places; nobody started a petition to ban food cut-outs. An opinion differing from yours was expressed and some people can’t handle it. Public blogs are going to get some different points of view, but this blog owner allowed them to be expressed and debated, which is highly commendable. You handled this in a way that most people wouldn’t, and I am very impressed. It’s refreshing that the blog owner has enough self esteem not to be upset or hurt by a differing opinion. Wendy, go on with your bad self and those cut-outs. You rock."

She's standing up for her non-sandwich-cutting principles!

This are an educational post. I mean, the ignorance of this subject should not be allowed to continue. NSFW! NSFW! NSFW!


Over on wtf_inc, calicoeyes admits that, ack, she had never seen a split penis and dearly wishes she could unsee it. (Good lord, so do I.) friendhamster jumps up and eagerly declares her a stoopit n00b. After some AM NOT! ARE TOO! AM NOT! ARE TOO! goes by, calicoeyes outs with a Metaquotes worthy slap...


"Here is my advice to you:
1) Open jar of Tuck's medicated pads
2) Remove your diaper
3) Apply Tuck's pad directly to your butthurt
4) Stop being such a tantrum throwing little cry baby on the internetz."


...and things continue to deteriorate. NSFW! NSFW! NSFW!


Seriously, don't click if you're squeamish. I mean, if they ain't the most objectionable schlongs I EVER did see!

Over in the hip_domestics community, petrel asks the age old question, "Cool Whip is the same as whipped cream, right?" followed closely by "How do you make whipped cream anyway?" This draws some slight mumbling from the crowd on the evils of Cool Whip, nothing spectacular, really.

Anyhoo, domestic snark picks it up and upsets a friend of the original poster, coflower, who wouldn't have been upset if everyone knew what an IQ smart person [petrel] is.

Once again, short but sweet. (I should really stop looking at food comms when I'm hungry.)

Six months ago, agilebrit defriended ginmar stating her reasons in her own journal, basically saying she disagreed with the things ginmar was saying.

Fast forward to now, and ginmar has found the entry and is calling the op and everyone who commented cowardly bitches and saying to one, "You're that professional virgin, aren't you? No wonder you can't handle anything more thna (sic) black or white."

Update: "I was never on your friends list!"