You guys like food wank right? How about some Olive Oil wank? That's what I call a well lubed wank.

lovethatlovage posts a picture of their stovetop on picturing food. sjaustin then comments on their olive oil storage method and it devolves. As if that's not fun enough, lovethatlovage then drags the issue over to stupid_free where sjaustin gets in the first comment. Calls of grudgewank ensue and people start discussing their favorite food wanks of the past.

What's your favorite/most delicious food wank?

Hey! It was Earth day not too long ago! Yay! In celebration of Earth Day, Jen over at Cake Wrecks decides to post about Earth Day related cakes gone horribly wrong.

Jen includes a cake intended to be Spaceship Earth (ETA: that she made, by the way) and makes a joke about it. Fortunately Jen's readership is ready and willing to let her know that the cake is actually Epcot, about 200 times. The comments are wanky, hilarious, and generous amounts of ass kissing towards the end.

This does not bode well with Jen's inner Disney child, and she amends her post with the following:

" To the scores of you telling me this is supposed to be Disney's Epcot Center: Um, yeah, I know. See, the ball at Epcot is called Spaceship Earth, NOT Epcot. Give a Diz Geek a little credit, eh?"

Unfortunately her inner Disney child is still smarting as the next post is provided by her husband, his explanation being...

"Hey everybody. This is john (the hubby of Jen) taking on today's post since Jen is...um...busy. Yeah. So how 'bout that post yesterday, huh? It's like one minute everything's all hunky-dory, and then next thing I know Jen's threatening to strike over something to do with a Disney font. Last I saw, she was on the couch in her memory foam slippers with a pint of Chunky Monkey and watching SGA reruns. I believe her exact words to me were, "YOU write it!!!" And I see the facial tic is back. Greeeaaat."

This, of course, starts a game of finger pointing.

And cake was had by all!

ETA 2: If two posts of butthurt wasn't enough for you, Jen also likes to tweet about it!

Relevant tweets:

# I love you guys. Really, I do. But if ONE MORE PERSON tells me the cake today is the ball from Epcot, so help me, I will not post tomorrow.9:04 AM Apr 28th from web

# No really, for fun, go count how often I'm told you can tell it's Epcot by the Disney font: http://tinyurl.com/d3zrn7 (*headdesk* & repeat!)9:05 AM Apr 28th from web

# In case some of you thought I was making idle threats yesterday: http://tinyurl.com/cgm6fk (Hats off to John for stepping up!)10:03 AM Apr 29th from web

# The comments today are nearly as entertaining as yesterday's. Still, y'all be nice: nobody's an idiot OR a moron, k? Can't we all get along?10:09 AM Apr 29th from web


ETA 3: As pointed out by willywanka, apparently Blogger is responsible for bahleeted comments on Cake Wrecks.

franticallysimple puts it best, "Does this mysterious comment deletion have anything to do with the Epcot Center, now owned by Disney?"

Okay, this is small, but full of delicious WTF. It's also entirely in Polish - luckily for you all, it's my native language, and thus I can offer you a full translation!

A bit of background: I'm moving to Scotland this summer, my fiance will be attending the University of Dundee, so we're hoping to get a small place together. Last time I was in Scotland for longer than a month, I started really missing Polish-style bread, so I'm wondering if there's anywhere I could get that while I'm in Dundee without having to resort to my family mailing me some.

A quick Google search brings me to Emito.net, a community website for Polish immigrants in the UK. From there, a search for "dundee bakery" finds me this discussion thread.

All smallcaps and giant leaps of logic were faithfully preserved from the original.

( looking for confectionery or bakery in dundee )

And so, that baffling aside done, the rest of the thread proceeds on the original topic, someone recommends a Polish baker who does cakes on demand, and I find out that apparently Polish bread can be found in most large supermarkets in Dundee. Score!

This shit is bananas!

(Edit: first icon in replies is NSFW, might be others too; otherwise it's just bizarre threads on food consumption.)

So, hourglasscreate makes a post to the cooking community which includes a recipe for "Easy Fettucine Alfredo" which she supposedly got off of a Campbell's Soup can. This does not go over well.

ETA: Aaaand the second link has gone bye-bye. Now how will I find a recipe for boiled water? ;_;

ANOTHER ETA: She's wanking it up again in a whole new post! This time, it's about "sloppy joes".

The members of trashy_eats have had it with these motherfucking bacon rolls on their motherfucking LJ community.

angieobsessed would like us all to know that microwaving butter in order to melt it is a crime against humanity.

This has been a public service announcement.

Over in cooking, health-conscious user changeopresto has a bone to pick. You see, the United States is currently being ravaged by an obesity epidemic, and she has made it her personal mission to change that. Thus, she humbly requests that all "non-healthy" recipes be placed behind a cut.

Other users quickly point out that she is in a general cooking community that accepts all types of recipes, and that it can be hard to objectively define what is and isn't healthy. And of course, she is not a mod and should just use the scroll button.

The wank takes a turn for the truly bizarre in that last thread. ladyartemisa points out that what is healthy varies from person to person - for example, her husband has hypertension and must cut down on salt, while she is pregnant with low blood pressure and must load up on salt.

changeopresto is confused. "Ok well I don't know what doctor is prescribing a low salt diet for hypertension. I thought they gave people riddalin for that."

obfuscate brings the snark which immediately leads to changeopresto uttering the comment of a million lulz. Protip: The 'H' is ADHD does not stand for hypertension.

Bonus lulz: Pastry is not real. Also, butter.

400+ comments, so there's plenty more wank to be found. And of course, changeopresto edits the original post with the mandatory, "GET A LIFE PEOPLE!!!"

ETA: If you find something through otf_wank you really should resist replying.

dracunculus directed my attention to this prime wank. This woman posts to her blog about the fun she has packing Japanese-style bento lunches for her kid. The first few comments are people saying, How cute, how fun.

Then at comment #6, some troll named Sarah makes a nasty remark about how cutting your kid's sandwiches into animal shapes will make him a laughingstock and stunt his imagination. Other people tell her to shut up and let them enjoy themselves. She continues to cuss them out, meanwhile suggesting that they try Xanax to get rid of their rage.

Someone named Victoria made the most patient responses to Sarah's spleen, inspiring someone else to announce, "Victoria, I always thought that Lesbians were mean, vindictive bitches, and you proved that for me. Is it because about 95% of the country thinks your life style is sick and that is why you all are so defensive on other issues too." I wondered if maybe Victoria's website, linked on her comment, identified her as a Lesbian, so I followed the link and found no mention of homosexuality, but at least two mentions of her husband.

Sarah has informed the blogger that she ought to erase her blog and devote her time in future to pursuits meeting with Sarah's approval. After a bit more of other people telling her where she could go, she declared this evening:

"While I stand by my original statement that this is over the top, I think it is hilarious that other people cannot allow someone else to have a differing opinion. It has been highly amusing to watch some people freak out in several places; nobody started a petition to ban food cut-outs. An opinion differing from yours was expressed and some people can’t handle it. Public blogs are going to get some different points of view, but this blog owner allowed them to be expressed and debated, which is highly commendable. You handled this in a way that most people wouldn’t, and I am very impressed. It’s refreshing that the blog owner has enough self esteem not to be upset or hurt by a differing opinion. Wendy, go on with your bad self and those cut-outs. You rock."

She's standing up for her non-sandwich-cutting principles!

ROLL UP FOR THE MAGICAL HOMEMADE KETCHUP TOUR!

SEE the evils of High Fructose Corn Syrup!

HEAR the cries of GRUDGE!

LEARN about the history of Ketchup!

...And more!

Come one, come all!

(Unfortunately, there's no ketchup vs catsup wank in there.)

Shepherd's pie, that is. Or is it cottage pie?

I can't improve on the writeup of the friend who sent me the link:


ETA: alya1989262 has created a guide to the wank. In the form of a pie chart, of course.

Over in the hip_domestics community, petrel asks the age old question, "Cool Whip is the same as whipped cream, right?" followed closely by "How do you make whipped cream anyway?" This draws some slight mumbling from the crowd on the evils of Cool Whip, nothing spectacular, really.

Anyhoo, domestic snark picks it up and upsets a friend of the original poster, coflower, who wouldn't have been upset if everyone knew what an IQ smart person [petrel] is.

Once again, short but sweet. (I should really stop looking at food comms when I'm hungry.)

evilgrins delivered a list of bogus food terms to the food_porn community which was kind of amusing but the last definition...

arab coffee: Thick, black, bitter coffee, traditionally served in tiny cups at gunpoint.

...really inspired some, uh, debate.

likeawoman is accused of being likeatroll for staying determinedly offended by everyone but obfuscate brings up Godwins first. "If you replace "arab coffee" with "matzo" is it an insult to Jews? "Haggis" (I hear it's good, but what the hell.. who came up with that?), and it's a comment on how violent those damn Scots are? Put "borscht" in there and you're pissing on the Slavs? "Liverwurst" would then, I suppose, mean that all Germans are violent Nazis."

Nobody likes a laugh more than me. Except for my wife. And Mrs. Johnson.

Define 'Offensive.'

Am I the only one that likes Turkish Coffee?

Why the random-ass definitions anyway?

As a White Canadian Female, let me clarify things for ya'll.



See, this is why I drink tea.

Every time I think I've seen it all, I see something new and stranger.

Over on bentolunch ss_biggie makes a post about how one of their members, thejenn1, has been selling bento lunch boxes from her website bentoyum. The fact that she is both a small business owner and writing articles about her viral marketing makes her...something. I don't know what. This sends the community into an uproar of scandal as people are not happy that she didn't tell them she was in business to make money.

thejenn1 posts in her defense and it snowballs from there. Sockpuppeting accusations, social experiments, just JELUS, and general outrage over if her being a business even makes a difference.

Sit back, pull up some sushi. Kinda small, but tasty, lulz.