So, the last few years of fandom lurking have spoilt me for quality drama to the degree that my everyday life is now serene and calm and completely devoid of any kind of wank or fuckery. For 99% of the time, that's great, but occasionally, the fanging for some good old fashioned dramz just gets the better of me.

What I really want, I think to myself once in a while, is a real-life wank that has *everything*: phony deaths, a bit of sympathy-scamming, easily verifiable lies, outright batshittery, and it preferably has to happen in Australia so that I have an 'in' on the context.

And like a beautiful, delicate snowflake falling upon the most virgin of blossoms, that wish was bestowed upon me. Not only in Australia, but in my home town, of all places!

Meet Clint Acworth, a some-time teacher now facing the banhammer with the Department of Education for spectacular falsehoods worthy of inclusion in the Msscribe story some creative life writing. His adventures included:

*Inventing a tragic family car accident that left him caring for three orphaned relatives, and being gifted with money and supplies afterwards by his co-workers to help raise the youngin's!

*Inventing a beautiful cop girlfriend who was shot on duty, and according to the Queensland Police, never existed!

*Falsely and publicly claiming to be a counsellor earning $85k per year on the Kid's Help Line - even though they'd never heard of him!

And plenty more!

Former students and classmates are corroborating the spectacular web of lies on reddit (trigger warning for typical homophobic fuckery as one might come to expect over there). I suspect there will be more to come over the next few weeks.

And the funniest/most depressing part? Not a shred of remorse or self-awareness.

Whats even more interesting is that he posted last night that there was some stuff written about him and that it's not true. And I quote "Sadly though, a former fb friend of mine has decided to stab me in the back when I am already down". This is after he deleted all the posts about his dead girlfriend and removed the pic. I think he will continue the charade for as long as he can. Quite sad really.

*Sniff* I salute you, fallen wanker. I salute you.

This might get confusing. Bear with me.

A guy named Boner posts a gripping story on the DDR Freak forum about a mysterious girl he met at a concert. Things were perfect, until it turned out she had terminal cancer and would soon die. Or did she? His story unfolded in the typical fake internet death manner: sudden trips to the hospital, calls from third parties, shady pasts, crazy exes. Boner used fake names and locations to hide his own identity, fearing for himself. You see, "Stacy" was a wanted felon in her home state and had been convicted for forgery, bad checks to the tune of $60,000, and theft. There's also something about an ex-boyfriend who had his lawn destroyed.

Some people are sympathetic, some are skeptical. Boner's details don't all seem to mesh, and there is discussion about whether he is lying or whether his attempt to change names and location is the cause for inconsistency. And why would the girl use her own name instead of going by an alias? Much of this discussion happens on Reddit, once they pick up the story: see here, here, and here, for example (there's sort of NSFW ACSII art of a naked girl in the full comments). To add to this, people on the DDR forum find old posts from Boner stating that he had just met a great girl at a concert. Was he planning this for months, or was he really being conned?

The internet detectives, never to be outdone, find a Utah woman who matches Boner's description. Apparently this is the girl, because Boner updates his story with different names and places. She's no longer Stacy from a Motorhead concert, but Kari from a Girl Talk concert, and she's from Utah, not Nebraska, and her crazy ex is Jacen, not Jason. Her SLCPD Most Wanted info is discovered, as well as an argument between Kari's ex who had his lawn destroyed—or whose friend's lawn was destroyed...or something—and one of her friends.

So in the end, it seems that Boner almost got boned by a pro, and not in the good way.