Once upon a time, someone in facebook posted a "Why Geeks Make Better Boyfriends" list. Britney St. Patience felt the need to point out its inaccuracies. She prefaces it with "Sure there are geek guys out there who are great partners. But being a geek does not guarantee that a guy will be a great boyfriend."

It's a pretty standard 'Nice Guy' deconstruction.

The main highlights are:

Myth #3: Geeks are low maintenance
Supposedly geek guys make great boyfriends because they can subsist on pizza, Mt Dew, and your affection. Just wait until you meet one who will ONLY eat pizza and maybe 3-4 other foods, like some sort of overgrown five year old. It took me nearly a decade to get my computer programmer ex husband to eat salad. My Star Wars obsessed ex boyfriend could not be taken to nice restaurants because he refused to wear anything except ripped jeans and nerdy tees and would not eat anything he could not pronounce. LOW MAINTENANCE MY ASS.

and

Myth #6: Geeks appreciate women
This one is, by far, my favorite geek guy myth. The myth of the guy who spent all of high school playing D&D but secretly wanting someone to love and when he finally gets a girl he imprints on her and covers her in puppy-like devotion. OMG WHERE DO PEOPLE GET THIS SHIT? You know what really happens when guys don't get laid in high school or college and spend all their time reading coming books and filling their spank banks with Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanfic? They fill their little nerd brains with unrealistic expectations, waiting around for what one of my gamer friends calls a "magical pixie girl". An unattainably hot woman, who will love the nerd boy not in spite of his nerdiness but because of it and somehow his life will be transformed by her love. And he shall get a job. And he shall move out of his parents basement. And he shall cease to be whatever it is he dislikes about himself because the magical lady doth love him. But woe to any girl who does not live up to his fantasy. She will be treated with the same regard as yesterday's Mt Dew cans.

So, a little harsh, but all in all not a matter for anger, right? Wrong!
( And how! Also, an anorexia trigger warning because what starts out as a 'No One's Perfect' rant turns into a very strange argument over salad. )
What follows is an extended debate over whether asking your spouse to eat salad is controlling, an act of deepest love for your dearest one, or something in between. Over salad.

angieobsessed would like us all to know that microwaving butter in order to melt it is a crime against humanity.

This has been a public service announcement.

Cake Wrecks is a sweet blog that showcases the most horrible cakes ever brought to us by professional cake decorators. Usually, it includes horrible spelling, lopsided cakes and crap that looked like your three-year-old made it, but occasionally it will feature something insanely awesome like this amazingly awesome James-Bond-style wedding cake.

The other day, a cake was posted that depicted a giant insulin pen, with the following commentary:

( '...Sure, the person's foot will fall off if he or she eats it...' )

A diabetic takes the time to note that sugar actually isn't a big problem, and that it's more the carbs that they have to watch. And that they eat cake like normal people. People continue to post "OMG what were they thinking lol" comments until the innaccuracy has been explained umpteen times. From there the comments degenerate...

Some are insulted and enraged! Others say it was a JOKE, therefore it is impossible for anyone to be insulted by it ever! Many have very little knowledge about diabetes in general (terrifyingly, some of them seem to be parents of diabetics.) There's a lot of talk about whether pre-diabetes exists or whether it's just doctor-speak for "fatty mcfatfat." Health nuts weigh in with their crazy advice (STOP EATING, IT CAUSES CANCER!) Other diabetics weigh in claiming they found it funny, therefore everyone else must have done, too!

The wank carries on for a few hundred comments, until the blogger's husband (g-buh??) closes the comments and "for-shames" the lot. Apparently, she's so hurt by the OMG!fighting that she can't post it herself:


( '...Any new comments left here will be deleted unread to preserve the sanity of my wife...' )

So, not only does the "lol no foot!" comment not warrant any sort of ETA admitting that DIABETES DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY, but people providing her with correct advice actually renders her incapable of sanity. I seeeeeee.

ETA: BAHLEETED! Overprotective husband is creepily overprotective. (Alternatively, sensitive blogger is waaay too sensitive.) white_serpent provides some caps of the original post. No comments, though.

Over in cooking, health-conscious user changeopresto has a bone to pick. You see, the United States is currently being ravaged by an obesity epidemic, and she has made it her personal mission to change that. Thus, she humbly requests that all "non-healthy" recipes be placed behind a cut.

Other users quickly point out that she is in a general cooking community that accepts all types of recipes, and that it can be hard to objectively define what is and isn't healthy. And of course, she is not a mod and should just use the scroll button.

The wank takes a turn for the truly bizarre in that last thread. ladyartemisa points out that what is healthy varies from person to person - for example, her husband has hypertension and must cut down on salt, while she is pregnant with low blood pressure and must load up on salt.

changeopresto is confused. "Ok well I don't know what doctor is prescribing a low salt diet for hypertension. I thought they gave people riddalin for that."

obfuscate brings the snark which immediately leads to changeopresto uttering the comment of a million lulz. Protip: The 'H' is ADHD does not stand for hypertension.

Bonus lulz: Pastry is not real. Also, butter.

400+ comments, so there's plenty more wank to be found. And of course, changeopresto edits the original post with the mandatory, "GET A LIFE PEOPLE!!!"

ETA: If you find something through otf_wank you really should resist replying.

Bread wank. I've never been so happy.

bellasmommy posts some step-by-step photos on how to make baguettes. In her description, she mentions using a bit of sugar, as well as an egg wash. There is also a mention of using the microwave to proof the dough, and using scissors rather than a razor to score the loaves.

The finished loaves look lovely, and bellasmommy says, "These loaves are awesome. The outside is lightly crusty, the inside is light and chewy and fluffy." Great, right?

Oh wait. According to schlake, SHE'S DOING IT WRONG. The finished product is obviously not bread, but some demonspawn of yeast and flour.

(Now I want a macro of Senator Vreenak holding a baguette, hissing "It's a FAAAAAAAKE!") (Which, thanks to nam_jai, we now have!

PS. Bonus stock/broth wankery back in December, also courtesy of schlake.

ETA: It's also in domestic_snark, stupid_free, and sf_drama.