Fic: Finding a Reason (Harry/Luna)
To: ceilidh
From: sundeygirl


Title: Finding A Reason
Author: sundeygirl AKA closetflorist
Recipient: ceilidh
Pairing: Harry/Luna
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and its characters belong to JK Rowling, not me.
Summary: The point of it had not been to make him stay; it had been to make him realize why he was leaving.


“When are you leaving Harry?" Harry heard her feather-soft voice behind him as he skipped rocks on the pond, not bothering to turn around.

“Tomorrow morning,” He answered solemnly, tossing another pebble out in the lake. Luna giggled as it plopped into the water without so much as the tiniest skip and Harry couldn’t help but smile as well. He’d known there was something about Luna that made him feel oddly carefree about things. It was as if merely standing in her presence made him forget, if just for a moment, that he was leaving tomorrow. Leaving the only real family he had ever known, his best friends, and the only people in the world he had left.

“Oh,” Luna stated flatly, standing so close to Harry that their arms brushed against one another. “Well, the weather’s nice tomorrow at least.”

Harry had no idea what to say to this; he rarely did when Luna talked to him, but he’d found she didn’t really mind anyway. She just liked having someone that would listen.

“You shouldn’t be afraid Harry,” Luna said suddenly, taking his hand. Harry didn’t know how to feel about this at first. One on hand, it was Luna and she did have a habit of doing fairly strange things for no reason at all, but on the other hand her hand felt nice in his. Her thumb was rubbing gentle circles in the middle of his palm and it tickled a bit, but he wasn’t going to tell her that because well, it felt very lovely.

“You’re a hero, Harry,” she said, tugging on his hand to pull him down on the grass with her to look up at the stars. Luna laid completely on her back, staring up at the shimmering constellations, still holding on to Harry’s hand as she spoke to him. “You’ll be brilliant. You’re always brilliant. That’s what I like about you.”

Harry’s palm itched something dreadful and his other hand was practically dripping sweat, but he held still. There was something about Luna underneath the light of the stars and the half-waxing moon that he couldn’t put his finger on, yet caused something to stir inside of him.

“M’not brilliant,” Harry mumbled, staring off over the pond. “I’ve no idea what I’m doing Luna. I feel like a blind idiot being thrown to a pack of wolves, I-“

Luna sat up as Harry began to talk, watching his features dampen as he looked out across the pond. She wasn’t really paying attention to what he was saying, but it made no matter. It was the sparkling green that was fading from his eyes as he spoke that made her cradle his face in her hands and press her lips to his, just for a moment. She looked into his eyes again when she withdrew, cocking her head to the right, then the left, looking intently into them for the brilliant green specks that had always been there.

“No,” she muttered. “No. This is not good Harry.” She stole his mouth again, this time for quite longer than before, sweeping her tongue across his lips, getting Harry to part them instinctively for her to slip her tongue in between.

All of the oxygen was stolen from Harry’s lungs as Luna swept her tongue inside of his mouth, holding his face in her hands as she kissed him under the moonlight. She was an odd girl, that was certain, but Gods did she know a thing or two about snogging.

“Luna,” he gasped, pulling just a few inches away from her face to look at her. She was smiling, the stars twinkling in her pale blue eyes as she cocked her head to the side.

“Yes?”

Harry fought to catch his breath. How had one kiss left him so completely breathless? “I – well not that this isn’t nice or anything, but…why?”

“Because you need to be kissed,” Luna answered without missing a beat, pushing Harry to the ground beside her, mumbling a spell under her breath as she joined him.

Harry submitted to Luna’s forceful push and leaned back onto the ground, finding it nice and comfy beneath him, like a nice winter blanket. He looked up and saw Luna hovered directly over him, staring deep into his eyes as if there were something in them she had lost. Or perhaps he was the one who had lost something.

“You’re a very beautiful boy, Harry,” she said, stroking his cheek with the back of her hand. “Not many boys can pull off beautiful, but you are definitely one of them, I think. I’ve always thought so anyway. I didn’t want to tell you because…well, I rather didn’t want the attention, if I’m being honest with you. Can you imagine, Loony Lovegood seeing Harry Potter? I mean, you were the Gryffindor Seeker!” She exclaimed emphatically, almost as if it were the only thing Harry had been known for in his years at Hogwarts.

Harry smiled and found himself leaning into her touch. Her hands were so soft, and so warm, just like the blanket. He wondered if she’d charmed them to be that way as well or if they were usually that soft and warm.

“I think you’re pretty too,” Harry said, alarmed at the words that simply seemed to tumble from his lips as he looked up at her. She was just radiating under the moonlight and the way she was sitting made her look as if she was absolutely glowing. The soft white light surrounding her was practically intoxicating and before he knew it, Harry was reaching for her this time, pulling her mouth down upon his in another kiss.

Harry’s soul ached as Luna poured herself into him; white, downy-soft hair brushing against his cheeks, small, supple breasts rubbing against his chests, her mouth hot and wet, devouring his essence with each kiss and lick. His heart skipped at least two beats as he felt her slender, lithe body slide on top of his, her long legs straddling his waist as she deepened the kiss. Harry found himself panting when Luna finally sat up, his lips bright red and chapped from her kisses, smiling at the pale pink blush in her cheeks.

“You’re very good at that,” Luna noted, touching her fingers to her lips for just a moment. Harry’s eyes fluttered as she moved her hips, surely not meaning to provoke such lustful and wanton thoughts as were now racing through his mind.

“Luna, er, could you. Well, you’re sort of sitting on me, and-“

“You don’t want me to sit on you?” She asked innocently, the moonlight hovering above her head now, not unlike a halo of sorts. “It’s not like you have a Bugbear sitting atop you or anything, and you’re a nice, strong Quidditch player aren’t you? But, I suppose, if you can’t support my weight then I could sit next to you. Only, I rather like straddling you like this,” she leaned in a whispered in his ear. “Don’t you?”

Harry was speechless and thought the best way to return Luna’s series of odd questions would be with an emphatic nod.

“It’s rather,” she said, adjusting her legs once more, sending a wave of sensation rippling up Harry’s body starting at his toes. “Comfortable, I think.”

“Nng,” Harry answered, closing his eyes. Think of anything, he told himself. Anything but Luna straddling you, anything but how good that feels. Shite! McGongall. Hogmeade. Ministry of Magic. Dudley-

“Harry,” Luna spoke, tapping him on the shoulder, pulling him out of his anti-arousal chanting. “Is there something wrong? Should I go?”

“Yes, I really think you should. You see I’m leaving tomorrow. So if I were to get carried away with you here tonight, it wouldn’t be very lovely for you, seeing as how I have a one way portkey out of here at three in the am. Very sorry. Good-bye.”

“Please don’t,” Harry found himself saying to her, not entirely surprised by his words. He was going to be alone for a very long time starting tomorrow, why couldn’t he savor the good company he had at this very moment?

“Oh good!” Luna exclaimed, inadvertently bouncing in his lap. “I was hoping you would say that. I really don’t want to leave. Ginny’s on about her new crush and Ronald and Hermione won’t stop swallowing each other’s faces long enough to breathe. It’s a wonder they haven’t been eaten by a gnome out in the garden. So, I really don’t fancy going back up to the Burrow just yet. Maybe after everyone’s asleep, that would be nice.”

Harry couldn’t agree with her more. Initially he had fled the burrow in desperate hopes of actually being left alone on his last day, but really hadn’t wanted that at all. He was so thankful for Luna being Luna and joining him, no matter what he had said. She was good at knowing what people really needed.

“So,” he began, and Luna stared forward into his eyes, swearing she saw just a little spark of green flicker in his eyes as he spoke. “What would you like to do instead?”

Luna’s mouth turned up into a coy smile, a darker shade of pink filling her cheeks as she, purposely this time, wriggled in Harry’s lap. “Well this certainly isn’t tiresome,” she whispered, as if it were there little secret.

“No,” Harry grinned, “certainly not.” Growing more confident by the moment, Harry placed his hands at Luna’s hips, eyes fluttering as she rolled her hips against his, studying his face as she waited to see his reaction – a reaction she soon got, much to Harry’s humiliation.

God, no. Not now. Christ, not now! Bludgers! Aunt Marge! Dudley! Dudley! Dudley!!!!

It was no use. Luna had already noticed Harry’s “interest” (who couldn’t notice that?) pressing hard against her thigh. She looked down and smiled at Harry, finding the beet red blush covering his face very charming.

“You like me too, don’t you?” She asked sweetly, leaning down to place a chaste kiss to his forehead. Harry clamped his teeth on his bottom lip as one of Luna’s breasts grazed his chin. She smelled amazing, he thought. Like night jasmine and cinnamon and perhaps a little vanilla somewhere among all of it. “Do you think I’m pretty?”

“I think…” Harry began, deciding to take a little bit longer to answer this question than the others as he observed all of Luna’s features he had never been able to fully appreciate, “I think you look like an angel, with the stars twinkling in your hair and the moon glistening in your eyes and I can’t believe I haven’t noticed this before and I want to have you very badly.”

All right, so apparently he hadn’t taken long enough to think on the question. Or perhaps it had been too long. Either way, he’d just made a complete arse of himself to the only person that even wanted to be around him during his last couple of hours in Ottery St. Catchpole.

Way to go Potter.

“Really?” Luna asked, and this time neither the moon nor the stars had anything to do with the way her eyes twinkled and her face lit up.

“Er,” Harry coughed nervously. Sometimes the way Luna stared at him so fixedly was disconcerting. Especially seeing as how he’d just said the Stupidest Thing Ever.

“If we have sex,” she began, looking concerned when Harry began violently choking. “You won’t have to worry about anything. I know who you are, Harry. You’re Harry Potter! You’re going to save us, I know it. And I don’t mind. I want to.”

Harry just sat there for a moment, looking up at her in confusion, unsure of what to say now.

“I just wanted to get that out of the way. That way you didn’t have to give a speech and ask me all those questions like, ‘are you sure’ and ‘is it your first time?’ It’s not, by the way. My first time. I hope that doesn’t bother you.” She waited for Harry’s response but it didn’t come.

“Oh,” Luna said quietly, almost to herself. “It is yours, isn’t it? I can’t say that’s not a shock. Gee, I figured you would have shagged as many women as Stubby Boardman by now! Oh sorry, I didn’t hurt you, did I?” She said apologetically after accidentally bouncing on Harry’s lap, giving his balls a good squish.

“Uff,” Harry replied. “No, I’m. I’m all right, thanks.”

“You’re adorable,” Luna replied, pulling Harry’s shirt out of his trousers as she pushed it up to his neck. “And very fit to boot. I suppose Quidditch does tone one’s body quite a bit, yes? Don’t worry Harry, everything’s going to be fine.” Luna petted Harry on top of the head as she helped him off with his shirt and tossed it behind them.

“Er,” Harry replied. He was sweating profusely across the forehead, heart pounding so hard inside his chest he was afraid a rib was going to crack under the pressure. Blood raced through his veins; specifically to one area that Harry was positive was going to split in two if it became any harder than it already was.

“Right then,” Luna smiled, fooling with the laces tying together her blouse. “Oh, would you like to do this?”

“Oh,” Harry perked up. “Of course, yes.” His fingers fumbled nervously with the strings holding the white blouse together, successfully working them into a big tangle of knots that made Luna giggle. She quickly took her fingers to the mess, untangling the laces with her nimble fingers, and pulled the blouse over her head for Harry.

Harry’s mouth was all of a sudden very dry. Breasts. So this is what breasts are like. Bloody Hell.

“Wow,” his mouth replied without communicating with his brain beforehand. “Those…Luna, wow.”

Luna giggled again, reaching for Harry’s hand as she brought it up to her chest, letting Harry touch his first pair of breasts.

“Brilliant,” Harry murmured, feeling the soft, pliable flesh in his palm. “Fucking brilliant.” He couldn’t recall ever having something this lovely in his hands before. Her skin was so soft, so warm, so <>brilliant.</i> He wanted more.

“Luna,” he asked sheepishly. “Could I…your trousers, that is-“

“Sure,” Luna replied, rolling off his body. “Of course we’ll need to get them off, won’t we? Go ahead.”

Harry cleared his throat as he crawled on the ground and knelt in front of Luna who was in the same position. His hands were shaking so badly he could barely get a hold of the button, then yanked at it once and sent it flying off somewhere into the grass.

“Not to worry,” Luna assured him. “I’ve got a spare.”

Harry didn’t even try to figure her out this time. He was totally focused.

Trousers. Get Luna’s trousers off Luna’s body. Right then.

His fingers pulled at the zipper slowly, so slick with sweat they actually slipped a time or two.

“There.” He breathed a sigh of relief aloud as he successfully unzipped her pants and Luna smiled. “Er…lay back?”

Luna nodded at Harry as if it say, “Well done old chap!” and give him a clap on the back, then lied down on the grass in front of him with her knees propped up. Harry knelt in between her legs, tugging at the waistband until he had her trousers down at her knees and Luna kicked them off the rest of the way.

“You’re…you’re…you’re…” Harry mumbled idiotically at the sight before him.

“Are you all right?” Luna asked Harry, concerned. He sounded like one of her father’s old records that got stuck on a bad track.

“You’re not…”

“Oh,” Luna smiled, realizing what Harry might’ve been mesmerized by. “Yes, apparently I was wrong in calculating how many pairs of knickers I might need in staying with the Weasley’s for summer holidays and we haven’t done the wash yet.”

“Right,” Harry said, eyes darting nervously all over Luna’s slender, nude body, not sure where he should actually rest them. “Right.”

“It’s all right,” Luna whispered again, pulling Harry down to her, sucking gently on his bottom lip before kissing him once more.

“Oh!” Harry jumped as he felt a hand pressing against the bulge inside his trousers.

“You’ve taken my trousers,” Luna murmured in his ear. “It’s only fair I take yours now, right?’

“Right,” Harry agreed, eyes rolling into the back of his head as Luna unbuttoned his trousers and slid down his fly. Next her hands were on his back, pushing his jeans over his arse, giving a brief squeeze in the meanwhile, making him blush.

Harry hovered over her awkwardly as he attempted to push his jeans off his legs, getting a giggle out of Luna in the process. Finally he managed to pull them off, leaving him kneeling before her in nothing but a pair of plaid boxers.

Holy shite, we’re really going to do this.

“Those as well, sir,” Luna looked up and winked at Harry.

“Right,” Harry listened to her daftly as if she were Professor McGonagall assigning his homework for the weekend, peeling the elastic band off his hips, discarding them along with his pants. For a moment, Harry lingered where he knelt, drinking in the sight of Luna’s subtle curves and slender body spread out for him on the grass-blanket, blushing as he noticed the faint triangular patch of blonde curls between her legs.

“Come here Harry,” Luna murmured, wrapping her arms around him as she pulled his body flat against hers. “I’ll guide you, then you can do the rest. Yes?”

“Yes,” Harry replied, his voice shaking along with the rest of his limbs. The breath was stolen from him as Luna reached between their bodies and found his erection, wrapping her nimble fingers around the shaft to aim him in the right direction.

“Your turn, love,” Luna whispered inside his ear, wrapping her legs around Harry’s waist as he raised his head to look at her. Already positioned right where he needed to be, Harry placed his hands on Luna’s hips for good measure and slowly pushed his way into her, inch by inch.

Painfully blissful was the only way Harry could think to describe how he felt at that particular moment. The feeling of being inside a woman, it was like being sheathed by pure velvet, like being squeezed so tight that he felt like he was going to explode right then and there; and he was deathly afraid of doing just..that.

“Luna,” Harry moaned, a plethora of erotic sensations flooding his body and mind as he slowly began to move in and out of her. “Ohhhhh….Goooodsssss.”

“Lovely isn’t it?” Luna looked up at him and smiled and Harry wanted to know how in the fuck she could be so calm and coherent about things when he felt like he was being pulled in two different directions and spun around in circles all at the same bloody time!

“Feels good,” Harry panted as he rocked his hips a little faster, going deeper with each thrust inside her tight body. “So, so good.”

“Yes,” Luna gave a little moan and a whimper, causing Harry to tremble all over. The only thing better than this being good for him, was it being good for Luna. That sound she made…Gods, he could hear that for the rest of his bloody life.

“Does it…feel…good?” Harry asked Luna in between thrusts, his face contorting in odd expressions of pleasure and ecstasy.

“Amazing,” Luna answered breathlessly. “Much better than watching the streelers out in the garden.”

Harry had no absolutely no idea what a streeler was. Also, he didn’t care. She could have been giving him a lecture a la Snape on the proper way to chop mandrake root; nothing was going to kill this absofuckinglutely wonderful feeling rippling through his body. Feeling a little more confident, Harry raised his body a bit higher, his arms on each side of Luna’s pale, naked body as he thrust in and out of her.

“Oh Harry,” Luna said, her voice unlike anything he’d ever heard before. It was like her mouth was grasping for the words just as she was grasping at his arms. “That’s, that’s very nice. Just like that. Oh! You are a fast learner, aren’t you?”

A rather large grin spread across Harry’s face as Luna fed his ego even more. Smashing. He dipped his head as she moaned, capturing a taut, pink nipple between his lips as he pounded into the gorgeous body underneath him. This angle was much better, for both of them apparently. Luna was making all sorts of lovely moaning and whimperish sounds and clawing at his back, which was rather brilliant if he said so himself, and soon he felt a familiar tightness begin to creep into his groin.

Honestly, Luna was surprised he had made it this long. Her first sexual experience had been with Stephen Cornfoot, and he’d barely lasted long enough for her to get situated properly! That had been a disappointment. Harry definitely wasn’t a disappointment. He felt gorgeous inside of her. Much bigger than Justin and thank Merlin, more coordinated than Anthony. Of course, she mused, that could be because she had always loved Harry, even before she met him. Not because of his fame, quite the contrary. She had often thought of Harry as a child and couldn’t wait to meet him and give him a tight hug that she remembered her mummy used to give. This was better, obviously.

“It’s all right,” she murmured, pressing kisses along his jaw line as she caressed his other cheek with her hand. He was shaking, she noticed, and biting his bottom lip so hard that a streak of blood was smeared across his lips.

“Come Harry,” she urged him, brushing the wisps of black hair that had fallen in his face away as she kissed his face all over. “Come for Luna.”

Harry’s eyes shot open at her words and he couldn’t fight it back any longer. Digging his nails into the ground beneath them, he let everything go. Flashbacks from his childhood, images of the previous school year, and bright white light flashed behind Harry’s eyes as he came violently inside of her, his whole body trembling with the force of it all. His knees finally gave out and he collapsed on top of Luna, breathing hot air against her neck as she pet his head.

Luna felt a wet tear leak onto her bare shoulder and raised Harry’s chin with her finger, kissing his lips tenderly. She had never been this selfless during sex, only caring about the other person’s pleasure, but for once Luna didn’t care if she had a spectacular orgasm or not.

As Harry struggled to fill his lungs with oxygen again, he was reminded of the time in second year when he’d fallen from his broom, broken his arm, and Lockhart had somehow managed to remove the bones from his arm completely. That was precisely how he felt, lying there on top of Luna like a big lumpy oaf, limp and boneless. And sticky. Not on.

Fortunately for them both, Luna knew exactly what she was doing and reached for the wand behind her head. She cast a spell on both their bodies to make them feel less sticky and more refreshed.

“Er,” Harry said.

“It’s all right,” Luna smiled. “You don’t have to say anything. They usually don’t.”

“Usually?” Harry raised his eyebrows. “Well, I knew you’ve…not that I’m saying that-bugger.”

“Harry,” She said softly, pulling his head back against her chest, then whispering in his ear. “You’re my favorite.”

Luna smiled as Harry’s weight became heavy on her and a few moments later he began to snore. She used her wand to levitate their clothes over to cover them and thought nothing would be wrong with taking a little nap with Harry out by the pond under Ursa Minor and all the other itty bitty stars. She’d rustle him up in a bit and tell him to get dressed and goodbye and wish him luck on his journey. But for now she was sleepy.

Harry woke a few hours later with Luna asleep next to him in the grass. His skin itched from sleeping in the dirt, but Luna looked like she was sleeping on a cloud, her pale, nude form curled into a ball, clutching a pale pink rose she’d practiced removing the thorns from earlier.

Still looks like an angel, Harry thought as he leaned over her, carefully placing a kiss on Luna’s cheek as to not wake her. She just looked like she belonged somehow, lying like a siren by the pond as the moonlight caressed her naked body. His heart ached as he turned away from the pond and trudged back up to the Burrow, packing quietly before sneaking out the front door to begin his adventure, leaving all that was precious and everything that had ever meant anything to him behind.

Luna woke a few hours later, just as the sun was rising over the hills in all its peachy pinkish glory and stretched her arms out in a sudden yawn. Harry was gone, that wasn’t surprising to her. After all, she knew he had to leave the next morning when she propositioned him last night. The point of it had not been to make him stay; it had been to make him realize why he was leaving.

Luna smiled as the warm sun kissed her skin, plucking a pale pink rose from next to her. The ground was simply covered with them; hundred of them surrounding the spot they had been lying in, leading all the way back up to the Burrow. She smiled and blew a kiss to the heavens.

Everything was going to be all right.