Fic: A Plant By Any Other Name (Neville/Susan)
To: malaleen
From: netbyrd


Title: A Plant By Any Other Name
Author: netbyrd
Recipient's name: malaleen
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Neville/Susan
Author's notes: Happy Holidays! Most of what I know about Neville/Susan comes from following the Emerald Flame RPG, so I worked hard to find my own take on these two. I hope you like it, since it's rather silly!


***

The Carnivorous Orchids and Strangling Cornflowers weren't as violent as their names might suggest. Still, Neville wished MLES officer Susan Bones would quit bending down to search for clues in a way which put her lovely and rounded skirt-clad bottom in harm's way. If Neville were a bit braver, he'd defend her rather attractive assets from his disgruntled plant life. At this point in the investigation, though, he was lucky enough to get a coherent sentence out when Susan looked at him directly with those pretty eyes.

"So this entire wall of windows in your greenhouse had been damaged when you'd arrived this morning?" Susan said, blissfully unaware of the greenery that seemed intent on snacking on her backside.

"Mmhmm. And five trays of Warty Rutabaga rootlets were missing." Neville smoothed his palm over the bit of greenhouse table that was free of the plants, where it was quite evident that something had been removed.

"And is there a reason why nefarious criminals might be after a lumpy vegetable?" Susan asked with a wry smile. She pushed a loose lock of dark hair behind her ear and regarded Neville a little curiously.

"Er…well, they're a sort of important ingredient in a certain potion." Neville shuffled his feet and glanced at Susan before staring at the floor again. "And I'm afraid they might be back again tonight for the rest of them, since I'm the only person authorized by the Ministry to grow this plant." Why was she still watching him like that? Did she enjoy making him flustered?

Neville peeked at Susan again. She really did have the prettiest eyes, and her MLES robes did nothing to disguise her figure. He was quite glad he hadn't really noticed Susan much back when they were at Hogwarts; he would've never been able to pay attention in the classes he'd shared with Hufflepuff. As it was, he was having a difficult time working with her this evening to find evidence of the wizard or witch who had damaged his greenhouse complex the night before.

Susan dusted off her hands on her robes and leaned on the table next to Neville. "You're probably right. We've had reports of scores of potion shop break-ins over the past few weeks, and everyone knows you go to Longbottom's if you need the best fresh ingredients." Neville could feel his cheeks burn from her praise.

"Well, it's just that Warty Rutabaga is a strong potion ingredient that needs to be harvested under a full moon or as close to one as you can get. They'll have to do it tonight, if at all, and I've got Anti-Apparation spells all over these greenhouses."

"Then my surveillance will have to be tonight," Susan mused. "It's not as if I have to cancel any rousing social engagements to stay here all night..."

Susan's voice disappeared in a mumble, leaving Neville with the impression that she wasn't even aware she had been speaking aloud. Not that he was listening much anyway. Too distracted by watching her pace the length of the greenhouse again, he blurted, "I'll stay with you!" She glanced over her shoulder so sharply that her braid tangled amidst the Humping Jade. Neville's eyes widened and he rushed to aid her escape from the overly-affectionate succulent. "I mean, if it's all right with MLES procedures and…things."

His hand went to her waist to steady her while he gently unwound the plant's branchlettes from her long plait. They seemed to have a mind of their own and dodged his fingers. "It is your property that's been damaged," Susan said softly. "I don't see why you couldn't help."

The gentle timbre of her voice drew his attention to how his fingers were gripping her robes, and he pulled away as if the fabric had bitten his palm. He swallowed and stepped back awkwardly, though he did indulge himself in letting her newly freed braid slide through his opposite hand. "You're…um…you're free now. That Humping Jade can get a little overexcited-"

"A Humping Jade? That's a clever little name, isn't it?" Susan made a sudden lunge toward Neville as the plant began reaching out for her. "Quite a randy little plant, I'd wager!"

Randy plants they might be, but Neville was grateful they were misbehaving this evening. It had the pleasing result of Susan apparently deciding that it was in her best interest to investigate the greenhouse with one hand firmly attached to his elbow. Her fingers seemed to spark little bolts of something, that tore through his veins and settled beneath the waistband of his trousers. It was an entirely pleasant and nerve-wracking sensation.

"So, Susan," Neville began, thankful that his voice didn't crack, "how do we go about doing this? Wait here until someone tries to break in again?" He guided her around a Venom-Thorned Rose and watched her face reflect the moonlight that was filtering into the greenhouse from above.

"I'm going to set up a few charms that'll tell me if someone's broken in but won't alert them. Then I've got to wait until they're actually in the act of removing plants." She shook her head and smiled regretfully. Neville realized his face must have shown his dismay.

"They've actually got to be caught with the plants? Warty Rutabaga is so sensitive though! Just moving it too quickly will-"

"I'm really sorry, Neville," Susan said. "Otherwise, we can only charge him with breaking and entering rather than theft of a rare plant. You'll get more protection from the Ministry if they realize scarce potion ingredients were stolen."

"I see," Neville mumbled. Not that he agreed. Less Ministry involvement would be fine with him.

"I certainly wouldn't mind the company if you wanted to stay with me," she continued. Was she blushing just the slightest bit? Neville couldn't be sure, as the pale winter moonlight seemed to cast a blue wash over everything in the greenhouse, but the idea was a nice bolster to his confidence.

He bit his bottom lip, indecisive, and then sucked in a deep breath before tentatively resting his hand at the small of her back. When she didn't spin round and transfigure him into a paramecium, he made the gesture more deliberate. "I…er…wouldn't mind staying with you at all. I love spending time here, and I don't often work at night."

Susan flashed him a grateful smile and leaned in a bit closer to Neville as they navigated the aisle of vines and thorned shrubbery. "Of course, you'll have to hide out of the way if I actually have to apprehend the thief. Might be a bit of a duel."

Neville stopped short. "Hey, my wand's seen a lot of action in the past!" he said, turning so he faced her. "Not too long ago, I even impressed Hermione and Ginny, which is pretty hard to do, given how close they are to Harry Po-" His voice froze when he realized she was no longer looking up at him. In fact, her eyes had strayed a bit lower on his body, where, even through his work trousers, it was quite obvious he'd been a bit aroused for likely the entire last hour.

"Oh!" she said as her eyes snapped back to meet his, her voice breathy. "Yes, I…um… yes, good with your wand, lots of action, yes. Hermione and Ginny rather liked it…" Susan's face had flushed bright red, apparent even in the moonlight. Neville's stomach swirled in a mixture of embarrassment and surprise. It had been a long time since he'd felt this sort of sudden attraction for a woman. Had she been experiencing it as well? Neville could only hope, but the knowledge was enough to set his insides into a nervous twirl again; he was very aware of the slender hand his fingers were still wrapped around.

"Er…yes…well…why don't I just see what I've got to eat in the shop while you set those wards, shall I?" he sputtered, slipping his hand away and staring at her shoes again. "It'll be a long night." He started toward the first greenhouse enclosure with one peek over his shoulder. Yes. She was definitely watching him.


~&~&~&~

They had made their way through a tin of biscuits and several pieces of fruit in a nervous silence. Susan had peeled off her outer MLES robes and was now seated in her skirt and uniform shirt, sitting carefully cross-legged on the mossy ground surface of the greenhouse. Neville had settled close by, at what he considered a 'friendly-but-not-too-suggestive' distance. He had been a little afraid to attempt speaking, mainly for fear of saying something completely ridiculous. Without the distraction of conversation, though, he couldn't pull his eyes away from how her tongue slipped between glossy lips to capture every juicy bit of the apple she was enjoying.

"That's my hybrid," Neville finally said when he figured he'd explode if he kept watching her tongue do that. "One of these days, I'm hoping for an entire orchard."

"Really? We'll it's incredibly sweet. Almost a sin." She licked at her lips again and lapped a bit of the juice off her index finger.

Neville shifted; his blood was rapidly heading south again and soon he wouldn't be able to sit at all in his tight work trousers. "I called them Sugar Apples," he said, just to stop thinking about how her cheeks had hollowed around her finger while she sucked it clean. "I was trying to think if something catchy, but that's all I could come up with."

"Well, I have to admit, I'm still quite attached to the Humping Jade. Are there any other plants I need to be aware of in your Greenhouse of Ill Repute?"

"My what? They've all not got naughty names!" Neville climbed to his feet when Susan stood and pointed out a tall, slender plant with a very rough-looking stem.

"So what's this one, then?" she said, smiling like an imp.

"A 'Shagging Butter'- Hey! You knew that," he said, feeling his cheeks flame when she started chuckling. "If you go on pointing out all the plants with names like...like that, of course it looks like I'm a Herbology pervert!"

"But you have to admit, there are quite a few." She took a few steps and pointed out the name plate on a leafy, purple plant. "A 'Juicy Maidenhead'?" Neville cringed when she pushed aside a hanging vine to reveal a stout, branchless plant. "Oh, and look at this one. You can't tell me that this 'Throbbing Shaftwood' hadn't crossed your mind as having a bit of a naughty name."

"They don't all have names like—" He broke of mid-sentence when she crossed to the next aisle and leaned toward a rosy herb.

"A 'Moist Folded-Crevasse'…and you've got it situated right next to the 'Ejaculating Pillar', very nice."

Neville's eyes felt as though they were about to fall out of his head. Oh heavens, he was some sort of perverted Herbologist! He'd never really paid that much attention, but hearing the names of these plants in Susan's breathy, teasing voice was enough to convince him of his depravity. She was laughing now at his expression, and before he'd realized what had happened, he had grabbed her hand and had begun leading her through the maze of tables.

"Not everything in this greenhouse sounds like it was cultivated in a brothel," he said as he urged her along. She was still snickering at him, and he already felt like a complete fool, so why not go all out and make a compete arse of himself? "Over here." He helped her step over a large, muddy puddle and urged her to a halt in the far corner of his largest greenhouse. Here, there were showy flowers in all sorts of stages of blooming, some looking quite ethereal in the moonlight. A sugary, earthy scent filled the air near the blossoms. Neville was pleased to see Susan's eyes soften as she inhaled the sweet aroma.

"These are incredible, Neville," she whispered, all teasing gone from her voice. "What are they?"

Ignoring how his heart thumped in his chest, Neville casually draped one arm over Susan's shoulders and took her slender wrist in the other. Her pulse fluttered rapidly beneath his fingertips when he guided her hand to touch the petal of one enormous flower.

"Oh! They're warm to the touch! And so soft."

"It's a Cloud Petal Blossom. We don't know too much about it other than South American witches use it to smooth over their skin." He swallowed hard when she leaned into his side while he spoke. What the hell was he doing? Trying to seduce an MLES officer that was here on official business? And possibly succeeding? He'd never been this forward with anyone in his entire life! And yet --the way she smiled at him, how she shivered slightly at his fumbling, not-so-casual touches-- she certainly seemed to be encouraging his advances. He was no innocent virgin at these kinds of games, but he'd never tried to initiate anything of the sort. Especially when her purpose for being here with him in this greenhouse was that of an official capacity. Neville nodded to himself. He needed to quit while he was ahead before he really ruined things.

"The Cloud Petal Blossom only grows on hillsides in South America," he said, stepping away from her to remove temptation. "And, see? Nothing questionable about the name of this plant. Nothing, well, you know, erotic." His voice cracked on the last word, but hopefully he'd gotten the point across. Now he'd just need to find something else to occupy their time so he would quit mentally undressing her like some sort of pig...

Oh.

My.

Susan had plucked one of the petals and was now smoothing it over her cheek. "Oh, those witches were brilliant for discovering this plant," she sighed, tracing her jaw line with the creamy petal. Neville's lips parted, but all he could seem to do is grunt. Oh heavens! He was a pig! A salivating, horny, low-life pig of a man that couldn't tear his eyes away from how she had drawn the petal down the column of her neck and across her cleavage, which disappeared into her blouse with a graceful curve.

"Er…yes," he choked out while his feet seemed to think he'd wanted to step closer to her. And, oh dear…. his hand seemed to be under the impression that he should carefully slide the petal from her fingertips and trace the delicate blossom over her plump lips.

"Neville," she whispered, reaching for his hand.

Neville knew there came a time in every man's life where he would have to choose exactly which head would be making the next decision. He decided that in this case, he didn't even have a choice. Not with how her very pink mouth was curled into a smile that seemed to dare him and taunt him and invite him all at the very same time.

"Neville?"

Yes. Definitely no choice in the matter.

Their lips met and Neville swore the earth shattered right then, though it was only a terracotta pot knocked to the floor when he'd backed her against one of the greenhouse tables. That didn't stop him from letting his tongue linger against hers so that he could nearly taste the sweet apple she'd been enjoying earlier. Her breath puffed warm against his cheek, and somehow, she was able to slip her fingers between their bodies to push his soiled work robes from his shoulders.

She had such nimble fingers, talented fingers, like any good member of the MLES, but with that thought, Neville broke the kiss and sucked in a deep breath of the humid greenhouse air. "You shouldn't be doing this," he panted, surprised that she'd affected him this much already. "Surveillance… and…and thieves breaking in…and—" He broke off when she tangled her fingers into his hair to guide his mouth back to hers.

"And I'm prepared and waiting," she whispered between kisses, "but would you rather…sit around…discussing plant life?" She arched meaningfully against his rather obvious and enthusiastic erection, and breathed into his ear, "Because I can think of another way to spend our time."

Neville relented and nuzzle at her neck, because really, what argument could he make against that? They probably taught a course in Taking Charge of the Situation in MLES training, he reasoned, though he was quite sure they hadn't been studying scenarios like this one.

One of her hands had drifted down to caress his hardness though his clothing and he felt his knees nearly give out. Perhaps Susan was the type who preferred to move quickly at this sort of thing? Neville had no idea, so he let his spread palm lay flat on her thigh. He could feel her muscles stretch under warm flesh when she hooked her leg around him and shifted closer. Swallowing a groan, he kissed her again ferociously and dared to slide his hand underneath her skirt and along her smooth skin until his fingertips encountered the slippery fabric of her knickers.

"They're damp," he mumbled against her lips, then opened his eyes wide when he felt her chuckle deep in her chest.

"You know, you're just adorable." Susan nipped at his lower lip and worked at pulling his shirt out from where he'd tucked it into his trousers. Neville just blinked. Adorable? Adorable? He didn't want to be adorable. What MLES officer would want to admit that she'd snogged the 'adorable' Neville Longbottom? Not that he wanted to be known as some cold, crass heartbreaker or swarthy sex-god, but he'd like to be remembered as more than just a slight distraction on an otherwise boring surveillance mission.

Determined now, he resolved that it was time to make an impression on Susan Bones. No more of this 'adorableness'; he could be wild and… and sexy and…

"Oh my!" he blurted when Susan snuck her slender fingers beneath his waistband. Her palm was hot and dry against his straining erection, and he couldn't resist thrusting against it, searching to release some of the ache.

Susan grinned, her eyes shinning. "The look on your face just now," she began in a husky voice.

"Well, what do you want," Neville nearly growled. He slid both hands beneath her curvy bottom and, with a hopefully inaudible grunt, he lifted her and nudged her legs to wrap around his waist. "Touching my 'Throbbing Shaftwood' like that." She buried her face into his shoulder and bit down to stifle her giggles.

"Oh Neville," she mock-sighed and encircled his neck with both arms, "if only you could share your 'Ejaculating Pillar' with me!"

"They really are terrible names, aren't they?" he wondered aloud, still holding her and now walking with no real destination in his mind. He finally came to rest with her back against the glass windows on the long side of the greenhouse. Susan had crossed her ankles at the small of his back and was now watching him with a gentle expression, her head cocked as if he were a mystery that needed solving. Her hair looked so soft and her skin so creamy in light of the moon; Neville couldn't believe that she wanted him.

The moment had definitely changed. No longer wanting to joke about, Neville brushed his lips along her collarbone, tracing a path over the dip in her throat. Susan hummed deep in her chest. With the cool glass supporting her back, Neville allowed her to slide to her feet again and dared to tuck his hand back beneath her wrinkled skirt to inelegantly remove her knickers. She was so incredibly wet; his fingers could move easily between her legs to pause against moist curls.

Susan was tracing the shell of his ear with her tongue and arching her hips against his hand. Although what she wanted seemed rather obvious, Neville stilled. "Is this okay?" he murmured into the skin where her jaw gently curved.

"Please!"

His fingers slipped into her so easily that it nearly shocked him. There were no aphrodisiacs in his greenhouse. This was because of him! He tried flicking his thumb over what he hoped was a sensitive spot, smiling into her cleavage when her body shuddered. Satisfied with her reaction, he doubled his efforts, his fingers slick and warm in her tightness. Susan flung her head back against the glass, moaning softly through parted lips.

It seemed like flashes of some sort of erotic dream come to life for Neville. A skirt scrunched around a slender waist. Pink tongue darting out to moisten soft lips. Hips grinding against his fingers as if begging him for more. Fingers reaching to unfasten his trousers, shoving them and any undergarment down and out of the way. He almost lost it himself when she quivered and swore aloud as her peak sizzled through her body.

"Alright, Susan?" he barely choked out when she arched her back languidly against the now sweaty greenhouse glass, a contented smile playing upon her lips.

"Mmmhmm." She leaned into him to capture his lips, dominating in a way that Neville could only submit to and groan his want. He scooped her up, one handed this time, using the steamy glass window she was flush against to keep her steady. She wrapped her legs around his hips and ground against his straining erection. No matter how much of a gentleman he wanted to be, all he could think of was releasing the agony of his pent-up desire for her in one deep stroke.

"Please, would it be okay to—" he began.

Her response robbed him of speech when she arched into his hips and tightened her legs so her dampness teased the head of his cock. There was no way he couldn't delay any longer. With a fevered hope the window wouldn't break, Neville stiffened the aching arm that kept her off her feet and thrust into her willing body. He gasped loudly as steely-soft muscles clenched around his cock in the most delightful way.

"Not going ... to last long," he rasped. He pulled back and filled her again, slowly, but as deep as he could manage with his upper thighs shaking from the effort. Susan tucked her head against his neck, her teeth nipping, her fingers clawing at the back of his shirt for a firmer hold.

Neville gritted his teeth, rocking against her, barely able to suck in a ragged breath as she groaned into his sweat-glazed skin. He was desperate now, so close to the edge, but his muscles burned from the effort of keeping her steady with each thrust. Her eyes snapped open and she mouthed a silent word Neville didn't catch. It was too late anyhow; he arched against her one last time and found his release in a sudden, trembling burst of heat and lust and want and physical need.

His arms gave way like wet noodles, forcing him to pull his now much less-rigid cock from Susan's warmth and let her slide down the greenhouse wall and onto her feet again. Every muscle in his body seemed to sizzle in pain from the unaccustomed abuse, but all this was overshadowed by a lingering, blissful euphoria.

Susan was panting hard, close to his ear, supporting his slumped body with her back still propped against the glass fogged from her body heat. Her skirt was still hiked up around her waist, her shirt rumpled beyond recognition, and her hair had worked its way out of her braid and adhered itself her sweaty neck and the window behind her. Neville's hazy mind could barely form the coherent thought that he'd made her look like that, so sexy and flushed. And oddly alert too, now that he'd been peering at her through lidded eyes for a few moments.

"Something wrong?" he whispered, the pleasant feeling slowly draining as he imagined her being displeased. What if she was already regretting touching him while he was still swimming in the enjoyment of it all? He'd been too fast; she hadn't come a second time with him, did she think he was awful shag?

"Remember those charms I mentioned earlier?" she said quietly, her voice still thick and low. "They've been triggered."

"Now?" he hissed. He imagined he could feel a cool breeze on his exposed arse, reminding him that his trousers and pants were still scrunched down around his ankles.

"While we were…occupied." Susan produced her wand from out of nowhere, it seemed, her eyes darting over Neville's shoulder. "Your thief is here, somewhere, right now." She slipped her arms from him and took several steps forward. "And in fact, I think I can see him skulking in the shadows of that fig tree you've got over in the north-corner. Stay here," she added softly. She tugged her skirt back down over her bare bottom and began silently moving through the aisles he'd navigated her through earlier.

Neville watched in a sort of dazed shock as Susan melted into the shadows of the moonlit greenhouse. He still couldn't see the thief, but he certainly caught Susan's sudden movement when her sharply barked, "Stupefy!" echoed off the windows. Her spell missed, and the thief retaliated with a volley of spells of his own. Neville scrambled to pull his clothing up when he realized the thief had dodged another of Susan's hexes and was headed his way.

The bulky man bolted around a corner into another aisle, knocking down plants on either side of him. Glancing up from his hopelessly inside-out clothing at the sound of shattering pots, Neville panicked when he realized the man was drawing near. He dropped his trousers to the side and grabbed the nearest Cloud Petal Blossom plant to shield his privates.

"Hey! Quit it!" Neville couldn’t help shouting when he saw the thief scoop up one of his 'Delicate Sagegrass' plantings and lob it across the potting table at Susan. The man froze and spun around, obviously not expecting someone else to be there, and certainly not expecting a half-naked, thoroughly shagged Neville Longbottom.

"Stupefy!" Susan shouted again, taking full advantage of the thief's lack of focus. The man crumpled to the floor with a look of bewilderment etched across his face, unfortunately dropping yet another plant in the process.

"Aw, not the 'Whomping Willow' seedling!" Neville said, distraught. Completely ignoring his state of undress, he replaced the pot he held and hurried over to Susan side as she secured the thief's wand. He nudged the soil and broken pot for the tree seedling, attempting to determine if it was salvageable until a polite cough brought his attention back to the situation.

"Not that I don't mind the view," Susan said with good humor, "but I'm going to have to summon my team in to assess the damage and move this wizard to headquarters."

Neville glanced down and became properly embarrassed. Susan had still been on her knees, stripping the thief of weapons, and Neville had just been standing there, before her, semi-erect cock hanging in her face. He shrieked in a decidedly girly manner and grabbed another potted plant off the nearest table in a desperate bid for modesty.

Susan gracefully stood again, and carefully smoothed her skirt before closing the distance between her and Neville. He swallowed and backed up a step, plant strategically still in place. "Er…sorry about that," he murmured.

She traced her fingers over his jawline as she passed him, leaning in close to his ear. "The 'Throbbing Shaftwood', Neville? My, my. Trying to tell me something?" She continued past him and Neville glanced down, now absolutely mortified.

"Don't worry," she said over her shoulder before she exited the greenhouse. "Once they've brought him in, I'll have a lot of paperwork to attend to for this case. Days and nights of one-on-one work with the owner of Longbottom's Greenhouse." She winked pushed open the greenhouse door. "It should be quite the experience."

This time, the plant clattering to the floor was entirely Neville's fault.