The Twilight Cornfield

The 30 Most Disturbing Twilight Products

....because Robert Pattinson made an off-hand joke that she should.

Source.

Okay. You have done some Awesome things, but that was just Stupid. You'd think he'd know by now that his fans are batshit.

From Indian Express:

He might be playing a blood- sucking vampire on-screen, but 'Twilight' star Robert Pattinson is scared that he might get killed by his crazy fans in real life.

In a new book named 'Robert Pattinson: The Unauthorised Biography', the 23-year-old actor has expressed his fear of obsessed followers who are after his life ever since he shot to fame with the vampire movie, reported News of the World.

"People ask me to bite them and want to touch my hair.I just don't want someone to have a needle and give me HIV and I don't want to get shot or stabbed," Pattinson says.

The 'Twilight' sequel 'New Moon', in which he again plays vampire Edward Cullen, opens in London on Wednesday and has a high-profile movie premiere in Los Angeles the day before. But Pattinson is terrified of such occasions.

"Oh my God. Are they going to blow the place up?" he says.

The British actor also narrates an incident when crazy fans cut themselves to bleed to show their love for him.

"There were girls who had scratched the side of their necks, so they were freshly bleeding when they came up to get a signature. They were like, 'We did this for you'. I didn't know what to say. 'Thank you, guys?'," Pattinson says.

Even in the original sparkly fandom, the question cannot be avoided: Team Jacob, or Team Edward?

December's Vanity Fair RPattz photo spread, courtesy of Dlisted.

Seriously, I'm pretty sure dude is just trolling now.

There are two different reference to the Twilight trilogy in the World of Warcraft. I am ashamed of my addiction.

The Twilight Tome, flavor text: "Just holding this heavy and unwieldy tome makes you feel a little clumsy...."

Rituals of the New Moon which you can use to turn into a giant wolf.

Last night, SNL's Digital Short (the highlight of the show nowadays, I admit) was a Twilight parody in which the Bella character (played by Taylor Swift) fell for... a Frankenstein('s monster, if you want to be accurate about it). The Jacob character was also a mummy. It wasn't the best spoof out there, but I appreciated it. Bill Hader plays Philip Frank, the Edward character, anyway, and you just can't go wrong with Bill Hader.

On top of that, it's just a particularly well done Digital Short in general: it's on a scale they don't usually come close to, and actually looks quite similar to Twilight. You can appreciate that, if nothing else! (...If you're a film dork who cares about those things like me, I guess.)

If you have access to Hulu, you can watch it here. It's also currently on YouTube, but I'm not entirely sure how long that will last.

From the L.A. Times: Robert Pattinson's suicidal shirtless 'New Moon' scene was 'nerve-wracking'
The Dish Rag by Elizabeth Snead

Robert Pattinson describes how he felt when he stripped off his shirt and stepped into the light in "New Moon."

"It was the closest moment I have really felt the emotional attachment to the character," he said at Friday afternoon's "Moon" junket, adding that there were so many emotionally involved extras in the Italian town square that day who had flown there to have roles in that scene.

"Taking that one step into the light. ... That is the one moment since the first Comic-Con that I felt the whole weight of participation and responsibility as well. It was a good moment."

He confesses that it was also "very nerve-wracking. I felt probably the most in-character I have felt in the whole series."

The quote makes it seem like there are a bunch of Twi-hards as extras.

Also, there is a video of RPatz angsting about the scene.

Stephenie Meyer to appear on Oprah November 13 to promote New Moon.

Not sure if this is on-topic necessarily, but I figured it probably deserved sharing.

So, during NaNo, I usually lurk on the NaNo forums and occasionally post. This is because I have a huge soft spot for people struggling through their 'bad fantasy novel' stage. Hell, I remember when I was that way.

In the Fantasy genre forums, there are like a million threads about vampires. Of course, right?

Well, one poster decided to fill a thread with a 10k+ word epic post that basically amounts to "my vampires are different".

The relevant segment of this post, though?

My most often used reoccurring vamp (the sparkling silver skinned drag queen, seen only in my banned M-Rated adult books, The Twighlight Manor Series; and these books were written in the 1970s through 1980's btw, nearly 30 years before Twilight's sparkling vampires, which has caused some of my fans to point to Twilight and scream plagiarism, seeing how she used so many things out of my books, including the title) is a salamander mermen and thus has row after row after row of sharp piranha like teeth.

Not sure if anything wanky will come from this out-of-the-blue accusation (mostly because I suspect nobody is going to read the entire post...hell, it's longer than my entire NaNo project is right now), and I'm half-convinced she's trolling, but.

I dunno, man.

Now available: Nightlight: A Parody, by the Harvard Lampoon.

About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him–which I assumed was wildly out of his control–that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.

And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight.

Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?

Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.

While most girls were driving flashy cars or showing off their new nose jobs, Stephenie didn't have a car until she was in her twenties.

Good lord, this is just the trailer and I can barely get through it. And can someone finally explain to me why motion comics exist and who they serve?

It's amazing what one can find if one keeps their eyes open while tripping over something. In this case, I found these old gems while searching for other things.

First, this SMeyer video on Time.com, along with an accompanying article.

10 Questions for Stephenie Meyer

Author Stephenie Meyer has developed a devoted following weaving tales of romance and suspense in her young adult vampire novels

Stephenie Meyer: A New J.K. Rowling?
By Lev Grossman Thursday, Apr. 24, 2008

Five years ago, on the night of June 1, 2003, a Phoenix housewife named Stephenie Meyer had a dream: a young woman was talking to a beautiful, sparkling man in a sunlit meadow. The man was a vampire. They were in love, and he was telling the girl how hard it was for him to keep from killing her.

Meyer had not written anything much before then. Her main creative outlets were scrapbooking and making elaborate Halloween costumes. But the dream was so vivid that she absolutely had to write it down. Then she kept on writing. She wrote the entire story of the young woman and the vampire from start to finish. That story became a young-adult novel called Twilight, and she followed it up with two sequels, New Moon and Eclipse. Together the three Twilight books have sold more than 5.3 million copies in the U.S., 4 million in the past 12 months alone. They've spent a combined 143 weeks on the New York Times best-seller list; when Eclipse was released last August, it bumped the final Harry Potter book out of the top spot on some lists even though it came out only 2 1/2 weeks later. Her first nonvampire novel, The Host, will be published next month. A movie of Twilight will be in theaters this December.

Meyer, 34, is a huge success at selling books, but she's becoming something more. People dress up like her characters. They write their own stories about them and post their tales on the Internet. When she appears at a bookstore, 3,000 people go to meet her. There are Twilight-themed rock bands. Meyer has, like one of her vampires, turned into something rare and more than merely human: a literary phenomenon. How?

Yeah, they're both relatively old, but as far as I can determine, they haven't been discussed here on sparklefield before. Forgive me if they were mentioned on fandom_lounge prior to the formation of this community. I was lazy and only searched my memory, not the entire comm. :-P :-)

I also stumbled over the following Twilight-related casting for the movie The Runaways about the groundbreaking all-girl band of the same name. Kristen Stewart is playing Joan Jett and Dakota Fanning is playing Cherie Currie. While the above is relatively old news, with the announcement of Stewart as Jett taking place back in December, it's another topic that managed to not make it into this comm.

Mock and snark away!

I think I'll let the product speak for itself since I cannot -- well and truly cannot -- find the words:

You can now have RPattz's face buried in your crotch any time you wish. Think I'm kidding? Check out the completely classy detail painstakingly created for the panty lining.

*just looks at y'all*

Twilight-themed restaurant Volterra to open in Forks, WA
Found via Epicurious.

Seriously? When is the insanity going to end?!

I hope the restaurant stays true to the spirit of Twilight and all the waitresses continually fall down (with their trays) because they're OMG!SOCLUMSY

Any thoughts on the menu? Broiled cow uterus? Blood pudding with Outrageous Flavour and spiked with freesia?

So. You’re bored, at loose ends tonight, and the internet just got a whole slew of pictures from the New Moon illustrated movie companion dumped on it.

Naturally, you make a bunch of stupid macros and laugh your head off at how lulzy this one is shaping up to be.

*Image heavy. 29 macros.

( Now they are trying to tempt moviegoers to see this one with the promise of Edward getting made Felix’s bitch. I admit—that IS tempting. )

They are clearly trying to entice me to go see this. Because all that up there is funny as hell.

Sorry, folks. You actively have Bella say in her shaky, shiver-dog voice, “It’s like…a hole…in my chest.” And I hate The Goddamned Batman Hole™. That, and Bella does more than just attempt to get herself raped by Bad Guys in this one in the hopes that Edward will show back up and save her—no, she actively goes with those people and rides on their motorcycles with them.

I hated New Moon with a passion. The filmmakers appear to have taken every single thing that made me hate it so much and have somehow made them all worse.

I’m keeping my money this time around. You already suckered me into going to the first one. I’m skipping this one and the next.



Please, let them not even bother trying to improve Breaking Dawn, indulge the stupid, please oh please oh please, I will see it a million times in the theater and buy every single special edition DVD if you do…

*Edited to upload macros to a different account due to exceeded bandwidth.

Also, spam in the comments.

I know there has been a slew of product posts lately, but...

Today Jezebel brought to my attention these
amazing products.

They certainly seem to depict healthy relationships, no?? Also, I had to laugh at the comment that pointed out that last one.

because with a sentiment that important, you want to put it on something that will last, like rubber -refiye000

If I see someone wearing that Jacob shirt when I am working that damned midnight show, it will take all my willpower to keep quiet.

I've given up on making Twilight fandom make sense. Apparently when Jesus Christ grows up, he wants to be Edward Cullen.
I have Found My Edward, and His Name is Jesus.

Edward. How can one name change so much? For those of you who are not familiar with the Twilight book series, I will briefly attempt to explain all that is captured in that name. He is glorious—beautiful, impossibly strong, eternal. He also is in love. Bella Swan has captured his impenetrable heart and has redefined his existence. Now his world is loving her, protecting her.

Why am I making so much of a vampire? Because I believe that Stephanie Meyer captured the essence of our hearts’ longings in this book series. Augustine wrote in his Confessions, “If those who are called philosophers . . . have said [what] is true and in harmony with our faith, we are not only not to shrink from it, but to claim it for our own use from those who have unlawful possession of it.”

What is the truth that I am claiming for Christ found in Edward? When I look past his status as a vampire, I see who Jesus desires to be to me. I am often like Bella, unaware of my soul and in desperate need of love and protection. Bella always feels safe when she is in Edward’s presence. She feels like she can deal with life’s worst if he is there with her. She trusts that he will rescue her, even from herself, and, just like me, she often doubts his love because she does not feel worthy.

I have found my Edward and his name is Jesus. I yearn for life past my mundane existence and Jesus shows me his glory. I will have life as long as I am with him. He loves me so passionately that he dies so that I won’t have to be away from him. When I am afraid and don’t know how I’m going to make it through the pain, Jesus whispers, “I will be with you. ‘Nothing can separate you from my love.’” (Romans 8:39) And that is enough. Like Bella, I know no heaven where Jesus is not. It is still hard to believe that he loves me so much. And I am not worthy to be chosen by him. But that doesn’t matter. He has chosen me . . . and that is enough. Thank you, Edward. No, I mean thank you, Jesus.

Well, it takes "Take this and drink of it for it is my Blood" to a whole new level, at least.

Penny Arcade on the whole vampire trend in media. Features their new twist on Bella and Edward.

I give you hand painted Team Edward Converse shoes. They're so hideous, but at the same time hilarious.  http://www.regretsy.com/images/twilightshoes.png
Enjoy :)

But wait, theres

I didn't think anything could get worse than that, but then I found AirbrushTieDyetz.  I will spare the comm large images and just post links.

First up, Team Edward: http://ny-image2.etsy.com/il_fullxfull.89281570.jpg
 now for Team Jacob: "http://ny-image0.etsy.com/il_fullxfull.89280352.jpg
and finally... Jacob again: http://ny-image0.etsy.com/il_fullxfull.89280932.jpg.

Sorry about all the edits. Rich text is not my friend.