The Twilight Cornfield

My first thought was "Why is Dracula scraping crypt dandruff off his head?"

Also I bristle a bit at the whole "Stephenie didn't have flashy stuff like all the pretty people, but now look at her!" thing. I'm fairly sure the 90210 lifestyle isn't the norm. (In Scottsdale? Not when I lived near there, certainly, lol.) Stephenie is not special because she didn't have a car until her 20's. And why the @#%$ would Dracula care about this?

My gosh, I couldn't even get through that little bit. Motion comics are painful for me to watch as it is, but this? D:

I'm 36. I still don't have a damn car. Where the hell is my comic?! :p

While most girls were driving flashy cars or showing off their new nose jobs,

Yeah, pretty people who swan around in flash cars are so shallow and irritating, that's why the Cullens are such great characters-

Oh, wait...

To say 'that is the most completely and utterly ridiculous, ludicrous thing I've ever seen' is just so inadequate.

That is easily one of the worst things I've ever seen.

...motion comic? you mean, like a, uhm, cartoon?

Or is it more like those "Picture Dramas" that sometimes get made for popular anime?

(I haven't even clicked the link to see, because the comments here have warned me that it'll just result in a headache from the head-desking.)

What the hell did I just watch?

I mean seriously, what the hell.

Wow. So, did Dracula learn his dramatic pause technique from William Shatner, or was it the other way around, or did they each come up with something independently?

I'll say she was different. The lines on her palm magically change from normal to shaped like Utah. Worst superpower ever, by the way.

"Most girls were showing driving flashy cars or showing off their new nose jobs."

Where the #$!% did she live where all the "normal" girls have flashy cars and nose jobs?! I'll bet they also got implants on their birthday, had week-long vacation trips on spring break by themselves, and routinely shopped as a hobby, coming back with arms full of large bags.

....

Where are these "most girls"?

And I didn't even get my own car till I was around 22 or so and it still technically isn't mine.

I couldn't even get to Dracula narrating, ya'll. The overdramatic credits and the slow crypt opening were just too much for me. What the hell.

::can barely keep eyes open:: I do believe I've found the cure for the next time I get smacked with a bout of insomnia. Good God.

*blink*

...*blinkblink* I'm sorry. What the hell did I just watch?

Ugh, I skipped the credits/intro by scrolling down through the comments (some of which are genuinely hilarious), but... I would like that 4 minutes, 36 seconds of my life back right now, please.

Sorry, my brain refused to process that much idiocy.

...That's, um... wow. I could say some highly unfunny things about the "flashy cars and nose jobs" bit, but I shall restrain myself. All I'ma gonna say is that the narrator? Yeah, not what I think of when I think Dracula. I felt like I was watching one of those news specials where they relive a famous unsolved crime or some shit? With the hard-to-follow reenactment scenes with too many fancy camera effects? Only, like, really boring.

Also. This thing is the final nail in the coffin (pun intended) of Smeyer's claims that Bella isn't supposed to be her. Smeyer was ~*~different~*~ from the other girls, she didn't ~*~fit in~*~ because she was just oh-so-smart? GEE THAT SOUNDS VAGUELY FAMILIAR WHERE HAVE I HEARD THAT BEFORE IDK GUYS ¯\(O_o)/¯

I call shenanigans and a lack of realism on Dracula narrating.

He was only interested in very intelligent (Mina) and rather freethinking (Lucy) women* - and SMeyer is neither in particular.

*yes, i like Saberhagen, The Dracula Tape is FUN. XD

Stephenie didn't have a car until she was in her twenties.

... I'm in my mid twenties and I don't have a car. I know it sounds lame, but I don't. I'm not sure why that's so terrible...

38 years old, no car, no nose job. Where my millions at?